Sunshine Blogger Award

This nomination for the Sunshine Blogger Award came from Grateful Single Moms. Her blog is amazing. I love her posts as they are very relevant to what is going on in my life. You need to check her out.

Sunshine Blogger Award Rules:
-Thank the blogger who nominated you.
-Answer the 11 questions asked.
-Nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.
-List the rules and include the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post.

My answers:

What is your blog about and what are your goals for your blog? My blog is about myself, my son and the life we lead. I write about a variety of subjects including depression/anxiety, friends, poetry. I am not really certain at the moment what my goal is for my blog. I will need to think about that and get back to you.
What are you most grateful for? I am most grateful for my family. My family is not only those who I am related to by DNA but also my friends.
Who do you admire most in life? I most admire my mom. She is the one who taught me everything I needed to know. And she doesn’t fuss to much about the stuff I never needed to know but do.
What quote most inspires you? If you can dream it you can do it.
What is one characteristic you wish you possessed? Grace. I am super klutzy
If you could make a living doing anything, what would it be? Writing
What is your greatest victory? Coming back stronger and more aware of myself from this last depressive episode.
What are you most passionate about? T
What could you do to improve your life tomorrow? Buy a lottery ticket and hope that I win. 🙂
What is the most courageous thing you’ve ever done? Accepting that I have been through a traumatic event that I am unable to recall at all and that my brain is protecting me.
Who do you admire most? My mom. She raised two children after divorcing in an era where people were still of the belief that you made it work. She is amazing. And I would not be who I am today without her.

My Questions:

  1. Who is your favorite fictional character?
  2. Which writer has influenced you the most?
  3. What is your favorite food?
  4. What is your favorite song?
  5. Who is your favorite recording artist?
  6. How do you find inspiration to create?
  7. If you were to discover that a child was coming into your life what would you chose to name them?
  8. How much time a week do you spend reading?
  9. Who is your favorite historical figure?
  10. What is your favorite season of the year?
  11. What makes you laugh?

My nominees are:



Poetry and Art by Mandy

Mbura blog

lou rasmus

Purple Haze

Love’s Deep Waters

The Gentle and Brave Writer

Mental Health & Killing the Stigma

Havoc and Consequence

Misadventures at 30something

I hope that you will take the time to check out those that I have nominated. Some are new blogs I am following that I have really enjoyed. Others I have been following for some time and I would like them to know how much I appreciate their works.



T and me we had a really good week this week. A small blip on the radar Thursday evening when he melted down at bedtime. Now I am not entirely sure what caused it other than T had had 2 or 3 cans of pop before coming back home from the Ex’s. He insisted that he was not tired. He screamed. He sulked. He yelled. I turned the lights out, determined to put him to bed and get to sleep myself. With much caterwauling he made his way into his bedroom. He kicked the bed. He made a lot of noise. I finally came out of my room and went into his. I told him that enough was enough. That he was  being rude and disrespectful of the upstairs neighbor. He did not care.
On Thursday I went to the city with V. Because T had been so good this week, and I had not had to nag about chores overly much I bought him a Lego Monster Truck kit and a small stuffed pig. He wants a pig as a pet. My obvious answer to a real pig is now so I thought a stuffed one might appease that desire for awhile. Well, and I am not proud of myself, but I got angry. I tried to take Mr. Piggy away from T. I told him that in the morning I was taking both the pig and the Monster Truck away from him. That I had bought them because he had been so good this week. I went back into my room and closed the door.
As I lay there I could hear T making noise. I was going to ignore it when I realized that he was calling mom. And not quietly. Understand that he is very close to the ceiling because I foolishly purchased a loft bed for him. A couple of more years before I have to replace it. So I was worried that the neighbors were going to hear him. It was now 11:30 and I was getting cranky. I climbed the ladder and stood looking at T. Whose face is tear stained and he is sniffling away. He wanted to tell me that he was sorry. That he should not have acted the way that he had. He loved me. I told him I loved him too, gave him a kiss and told him to go to sleep.
That was not our entire week. Nor was I about to let it color what had been an amazing week. We talked and laughed. Friday T once more was the voice of reason as I tried to navigate the cloverleaf. ‘Remember mom think of girly shit.’ Okay, he did not say the last part it was more kittens and unicorns but I know that that is what he was thinking. Our week was made of prisms of light and that black cloud scuttled across the sky quickly and with no lasting effects. Previously I would have been gnawing over the small blip instead of focusing on all the good. So once more I am showing growth and not bashing myself for getting angry and thinking that I was a bad mom.
Wednesday night.  I made dinner and T did not eat all of it. Decided that it was not something that he liked. I made Swanson’s Garlic Shrimp and I have always enjoyed it. When I took his bowl to the sink I told him that I would not be making him anything else to eat. He agreed. I was writing when T asked me if I could get him some more orange juice. I said sure as I was getting up to refill my water anyways. When I opened the fridge my eyes fell on the apples and I thought to myself what a nice snack. So decided to cut up the apple. Gave T his orange juice and went and sat back on the couch.
I was happily crunching away when I felt laser beams searing through my consciousness. I glanced over and T was staring at me with disbelief. I was not sure what I had done. He continued to stare at me and I swallowed the mouthful that I had.
‘Where’s my snack? I told you I was hungry.’
Oh yes, this than lead to my assertion that I did not hear him when he told me that he was hungry. T was positive that I had chosen to ignore him. He wanted something to eat. I kept asserting that he could get his own snack. He began to get really annoyed and fussy. And whining. I finally did begin to ignore him. Which of course made him even angrier. Of late, instead of reacting to how T is being I will give him a choice of how I am going to respond and his behaviour chooses said action. This time whining at me=me ignoring him.
Finally I could take it no more. I did not snap. I did not yell.
‘That’s it T. The kitchen is closed at 7 p.m. and it is now 7:03 p.m.’
I looked over and a smile began to grow on his face. The whining ceased. And he began to harass me about there not being a closed sign. I stuck to my guns and kept repeating that the kitchen was closed. He kept haranguing me about a closed sign. Finally in exasperation I said ‘Fine you want a closed sign. I will make a closed sign!’ I was halfway off the couch when it hit me. Once I was up and making up the sign T was going to use the ‘well seeing as how you are up’ argument and I sat right back down. When I accused him of such devious plotting he was shocked. As if the thought had never crossed his mind.
By the time we were done tears rolled down both of our faces we were laughing so hard. I did make up a closed sign. T took it down and wrote open on the other side and tried to rehang it. As he did that I got down two bowls, and the cereal. Instructed T who had no idea what I was doing to get the milk out of the fridge. Poured two bowls and handed him the milk to put back. Walked away and casually mentioned he could bring his own bowl.
Our second laugh was a complete misunderstanding. We had been talking about Lucky and how old she was. I was trying to figure it out when mom messaged me. Came up with 11-13 years old. Chatted with mom a bit when I told Tember that she was proud of him. And he looks up at me:
‘mom she is old.’
I was stunned. I mean I know that mom is old, she is my mom but really! How rude. I told T that as well. And he stared at me like I was crazy. And than it dawned on me. He was talking about Lucky.
More laughter. More tears. More good memories made. The dust up Thursday night has become a rarely seen beast, like the Lock Ness Monster.

Butt Lift

Still having issues with the writing but I found humor in this and I hope you do as well.

On the way to school this morning T and me are talking about how if I win the lottery we would go to Egypt for sure. He also still had to go to school but we would travel as much as possible.

We are sitting at the last stop sign before turning right and letting T off. I look over at him. His blue jacket zipped all the way up, hood on, pulled up to his nose. He has been a little crabby this morning.

‘I also want to get a butt lift.’

‘A what?’

‘A butt lift.’

‘Mom what is a butt lift?’

‘Well that is when one pays to have their butt lifted. Firmed.’

I glance over and struggled to contain my giggles. T had reared back against the door and his nose was wrinkled in disgust. The look of abject horror was almost too much to stand.

‘No mom, no, you are not allowed a butt lift.’

And than I dropped him off at school and we did our ritual good byes. I love that boy so much. It is fun to tease him because he cannot hide his facial expressions and well those are the most fun to see.

Where oh Where?

Tonight was our Christmas staff party. I got dressed up. Turns out I clean up pretty well.  The party was amazing. Everyone who is part of the social club are eligible to come with a plus one. Dinner is free and everyone leaves with a gift. This is a time for everyone to get together without the social confines of labels, we are a group of people meeting and having a meal together, laughing and seeing one another outside of the business that we are in. A chance to see others in a personal setting, non-work related. You often learn some interesting things.
I wrote a poem about our boss. I am a fast walker. Like fast. No one can out run me except for our boss. The following is the poem that I wrote and presented tonight:
Where oh Where?
where oh where could our boss be?
is he here?
is he there?
Damn it he could be anywhere.
First down in grocery
than off to File
Check in on the Front
Dash by bakery
onto meats
ah shit I’ve  missed him again.
moving with lightening speed
it is so hard to keep up
searching the aisles one by one
we’ve turned it into a game
that absolutely no one has won.
Now, let us examine me. I am gregarious, I am forthcoming, I talk to people for 40 hours a week, as part of my career. Put me in front of a group of people and well I freeze. My anxiety ramps right up. I was at Auntie K’s when it first started. I could feel my heart racing. I was jittery. At the party, I kept bouncing my toes off of Auntie K’s, thank goodness that she likes to play footsie. And as it was the Christmas party I had a wine to help me. Yes, I know that it is wrong, I used alcohol to give me courage, but I did not over do it.
My boss was concerned for me. He asked me several times tonight if I had in fact stopped drinking. I informed him that I had, but it was also a special occassion so I had had a glass or two. Also as I was winging my way through my speech I admitted that when one is asked to present the boss with the Christmas present that usually they have super nice things to say. But that type of stuff makes me uncomfortable. At the end of it, he told me I had done a good job. He also asked me to forward the poem to him. I was beaming .
And than the gifts began to be dispersed. I really wanted the Amazon Gift Card. I won the Large Hurricane Candle holders. Nice but not sure where I am going to put them.
 I suppose despite the fact I laid myself open in front of so many of my co-workers by reading a poem I had written, it was well recieved. And they laughed where they were suppose to laugh.
Gotta admit I am kinda proud of myself right now.

We will be ok (Better Than)

After our conversation regarding rape last evening T and me, we went on to have several more conversations. I was and am intrigued to discover, in hindsight, that due to our discussion about the aforementioned r talk, T now feels like he can ask me questions and I am not going to get angry about them.

He asked for the definition of bitch. A female dog, wolf, fox or otter. A difficult situation or person. If he really wanted to tick people off, ask them why they thought he was a female dog? Stymies them like crazy. (Someone had called him a bitch)

What about the f bomb mom? Is that also sex? Well, if you look up the definition that is the first one; having sexual intercourse with someone. So I tersely explained that it was more of a rough term. Than there is the situation aspect.

This morning he asked me about a**hole? What did that mean? So I said well, a mean or nasty person. But no mom, what does it really mean? Well your butt hole, also properly known as the anus. We also looked this one up.

Those of you who have been following T and me for awhile, know my frustration that T does not like to read. Well, he decided to take his Dog Man 3 book home to his dad’s with him to finish. Is looking forward to the new one coming out. Maybe I am being too optimistic in thinking that our conversation last night is having some effect here. Also that given his nature, I think deep down T is horrified that they used this word. Being cruel is abhorrent to his true self. So, he may be trying to educate himself on words and their meanings. (When you know the root meaning of words sometimes they can take the sting out of them when parsed that way)

We sat at the dinner table and talked while we ate. There was a lot of talking going on last night. And this morning. He is in awe of how fast I can type and the fact that I do not need to look at the keyboard. Ha, I was trying to show off to him and this is basically what I type: Txhyyyyyy llmgtw oooot yeah mom you so smrt. T asked where I had learned and how long it had taken. And how did I know where every letter was on the keyboard.

But the best conversation of all was our conversation about Mexico and Chichi (mom) and myself maybe retiring down there. Not likely at the moment but a woman can have dreams. I cannot even afford a two week holiday there lol, never mind move. But T was full of questions. How old had I been when Chichi moved? Had it been hard? And that was when I dropped the bomb on him that I might want to move there.

The look on his sweet 9 year old face was one of hell no, uh huh you are not going anywhere mom. And thus the list of reasons why I cannot move to Mexico:

  1. It is a poor country
  2. It is too hot
  3. They have nothing new
  4. The cars are very old
  5. Why would I want to live in an area that meteorite are known to frequent.
  6. He could not go 10 months without seeing me

Counter arguments:

  1. The area that Chichi lives in has some of the richest homes that are only used 2 months out of the year, like Chichi and the beach, well that was their beach.
  2. You do not have to come and see me
  3. Of course they do. Chichi had a flat screen t.v. before we did. (That was due to money though T insisted and I pointed out that this was 2 years ago)
  4. He had to take into account that they were a coastal area and the sea salt did damage to the vehicles.
  5. Not since the last one 65,000,000 years ago
  6. There was skype and whatsapp

And he looked at me and said No mom, I could not go 10 months without seeing you in person every day. Now this might be a stretch because you have to remember that he does go 14 days out of the month without seeing me. Okay save for when he and his dad come shopping and I always get a hug and kiss. But still. My heart melted and I looked at my little boy. I love him so much.

He than farted. 🙂



Relationship Goals


Relationship goals:

  1. Find a guy who makes me laugh.
  2. Find a guy who talks to me.
  3. Find a guy who listens.
  4. Find a guy who respects me.
  5. Find a guy who encourages me in my hobbies even when he does not understand them.
  6. Find a guy who encourages my passion(s).
  7. Find a guy who when I impose limits; accepts them without arguing.
  8. Find a guy who will hug me when I am sad.
  9. Find a guy who will celebrate my successes and failures. (Failures lead to future successes)
  10. Find a guy who will hold me while I ugly cry, barf into a bucket, or any other issue that makes me feel like shit.

These are my goals. Not for everyone I know. And really folks I used the term guy because I like men. These rules can apply every which way. (Except children and animals but that really should not need to be stated.)

This is a pretty steep set of goals a man must face if he wants to move beyond the friend zone with me. However I know what my worth is now. After years of setting my wants and needs to the side, I now realize where I stand.

And if my frog never arrives to be kissed, reverting to said Prince status, I will still live my life to the fullest, inspired and loved by those who do find their way into this story of mine.


Method to my madness part 2….

Procrastination. Avoiding doing a task that needs to be accomplished. And today I did a very good job of procrastinating. 

If y’all recall I was going to clean house today. And I did. For 8 hours. With a brief stop to drive T  to his dad’s. And to eat. 

I (with T’s help) moved my bed around making my room look larger. Moved in the one bookcase and it works fine. Got rid of the small bedside table I had and moved my amma’s table my grandfather had refinished so history into my room. 

Moved the living room around. T.V. now moved over and was able to repurpose old bedside table as a stand for the tower. I did run into a wee problem when after unplugging and untangling all the wires for the computer I could not get the speakers to work. Resolved by a friend who told me to see if they had been muted. They had been.

The living room looks bigger as does the kitchen now that the table is in my room. 

I ache. I utilized more of my storage space. I hung up a few items that I have had sorta floating around. And once more a tiny step into my world….the one I deserve and have earned. 😊