Did You Turn the Lights Out?

Well me and my warped humor have struck again. I have now moved from being the cool funny mom to being ‘that’  mom. And the fact that I laugh at my own jokes seems to make matters worse. But laugh I do. To the point where I am crying. Besides if I don’t mess with Tember’s head who will?
Tember has this really bad habit. Really bad. He turns lights on. Hall. Bathroom. Kitchen. Upper hallway. You name it he turns it on. What he does not do is turn them off. That is right…..no matter how many times I remind him…..nag him……bully him as he would say…..this kid is incapable of turning lights off.
This week the ex dropped Tember off a few nights. Tuesday evening he arrives home knocks on the door and as he opens it hollers ‘helloooooooooooooo’ so I did not hear him lock the door. This bothers me for one main reason…..he has been known to get distracted and forget to lock the door. He comes down the stairs and the hallway light to the stairs goes on…..the kitchen light well I had left the one on over the stove so it was good for now…..bathroom light……hallway light and his room. Every light blazing. Our conversation is as follows:
Me: Buddy did you lock the door?
Tember: Yes.
Me: Did you turn the lights out?
Tember: What?
Me: Did you turn the lights out?
Tember: Why?
Me: Did you turn the lights out? You turn them on but not off! Have you turned the lights off?
We go back and forth me asking Tember getting more and more annoyed and once I start to giggle…..things got even more annoying.
Me: (for like the thousandth time) Buddy did you turn the lights out?
Tember: Mom seriously that is enough. Enough ok? You are not funny.
Me: Hey buddy did you turn the lights out? You still have not told me. And are you sure that you locked the door?
Tember (sighing exasperated as I am giggling): Mom I locked the door. I will turn the lights out I swear.
Me: I don’t believe you.
Tember: Mom that is enough you are not funny.
He putters around the kitchen putting his lunch containers in the sink. Bathroom and of course the lights are still on. I am laying in bed chortling watching but at same time I am in need of reassurance. I need for him to check to door.
Now….I have at this time gotten out of bed turned all the lights off and crawled back into bed. Why did I not check the door myself you might ask? Turning lights out does not require glasses checking that the door is locked does…..Jay is lazy.
I crawl back into bed and Tember goes into the kitchen to grab a drink. Light in hall goes on. Light in bathroom goes on. Light in kitchen goes on. I am like seriously but at the same time I am going to take advantage of this.
Me: Tember are you sure that you locked the door?
Tember:  Yes mom I am.
Me: Are you sure sure?
Tember (and I hear the frustration) : Mom I locked the door.
Me: Can you just humor your mom? Please? Go and check the door for me.
Tember: grumbles under his breath……it is locked mom…..
Me: giggle giggle snort snort….but did you turn out the lights?
Were I to write over and over how many times I asked Tember if he turned out the lights you would abandon reading this. However whether child or parent you have been at one end or the other of this conversation so go with that……
Maybe it is only me? I don’t know but I thought I was hilarious. Two days after this happened I was still giggling. As I write this I am giggling.
Tember……he did not…..does not…..think that I was/am funny at all.
Okay…..he told me I was not funny.
I have told a few people about this…..and with the exception of one everyone has thought my messing with him is hilarious……now every night before bed the question shall be asked:
Did you turn the lights out?
***I am laughing as I write this. Maybe it is only funny in my head because each time I tell it I am crying laughing by the end. It may not translate as well in my writing as it does in the telling but I hope it does.*****
Jan. 11/20
Picture via Pinterest

Nightmare Delights

Dance macabre
dungeon of death
everyone loves role play.
Being afraid
one night out of the year
the inner beast
finally released.
Ghouls
draped in rotted cloaks
faces hidden
no one wants to see
half a jaw worn through
cannot be unseen.
Mummies
bandaged with sand
cursed to plunder the sea
of a time where none believe
that they can be real
deserving of royal accolades.
Giant web
strands of silken gold
drawing in the unwary.
Clutch close
beware the demon blessed
they will consume your soul.
Screams
laughter
giggles all throughout the night
at the Haunted Horror House.
Death strolls
holding the hand
his protege
his child
his time of renewed innocence.
As the moon begins to slip
sun begins to rise
all the monsters
all the beasts
head back home
to await the next night.

©Oct. 13/19
Picture via Pinterest

First Day Jitters

Hi all;

I am taking the lazy lady way today. Rhymed without meaning to. Also today’s word of the day is underdog and despite thinking about it all day I can come up with nothing. Also I was at work for 6 a.m. this morning and my brain is a little fitzy. I may write something yet but don’t hold your breath please.

So:

Here is the link to my post on Best Life Collaborative.

First Day Jitters.

Ruined I say!

***This post was written a few weeks ago but today I was able to finish.***
So….I have decided because he is so funny and a wealth of posts that I will create a new category…..I ruined his Life. T and me have been fighting a lot. And in every instance I ruined his life. These are the stories…..
Let us begin with Monday. 6:41 a.m. my phone rings. It is the school division letting me know that school was cancelled. Had they been any later and I would not have somewhere for T to go. Messaged ex and he stopped to pick T up. Brought him home in eveninng too. I worked 9:30-6. My day was easy. The Ex drops T off at 9:30ish. In the evening.
 So Tuesday morning. All is good until the end……T suddenly cannot find his hat. This hat that means life or death…..if he does not have this hat he is going to die. This is his favorite hat. Okay it is fricken freezing out. There is snow in my car. He is acting like a shit. Do not gasp in disgust…..every single parent out there has had the asshole moment. And you know what, we are going to face the asshole a whole shit load before they turn 18. This applies to daughters as well.
He left the hat on my couch. Nope. I cleaned on Sunday. There was no hat on my couch. 
Now it is 8:50. T has to be at school in 10 minutes. He is refusing to leave because he cannot find his hat. This hat is his favorite. And where is it? What did I do with it? 
So now, I am livid. He is pulling this shit…..the I am going to move slower than a sloth shit……I am boiling. Screaming. 
He finds a hat. Not his favorite but 2nd favorite.
 Wednesday a.m. I run to store to get sugar get home and he is still in bed. See Wednesday is shower day. That was awesome. Screaming. Water every where and how can I be so mean??????
 I get him clean. I thought all was good. All was not good. Omfg where did the hat go? He threw it at the PC last night. It should be on the floor. OMFG I lost it. Like lost it. Stuffed animals flew and T was screaming that I had ‘hurt’ him. The google eyes on his stuffies hurt him. I was seriously pissed.  There was much screaming. Oh holy hell…..I threw it here……you moved it and if not you the cats!! What????? The cats moved your damn hat. So once more there is screaming and yelling and I don’t know who is the loudest….me or him.
More fights. More mom is killing me. Omg she hurt me.I do not deserve this. 
Thursday….Mom……Yes T…..I found my hat…..Really where?…Over here where you looked. I did not look there. You said you threw it over here. You blamed me and my ninja like moves. You accused the cats of moving your hat.  We were totally out to get you.
Sooooooooo…..you tossed your hat….and I am at fault…..oh hell no…..I am calling you out.
Evil mom rides again. Me and the cats…..we deserve an apology. 
 I did not get a sorry. The cats did  not get an apology. However he calmed his shit down.
 Until today (Feb 17/19) Mom did some bad juju. But that is a story for tomorrow.

Poo

Do you see these two?

With eyes that glow in the dark

do not be fooled

they are not as cute as you think they are.

Do you smell the poo?

Well can you?

Who would ever guess

in a million years

that something so small

so furry

would make that god awful stench?

They look at me and wait

knowing that I will gag upon my fate

with scoop in hand

and mask upon my face

I excavate the offending poop

while they wait.

 

 

Scatterbrained you think?

I have always prided myself on my great memory. I use to make fun of mom when she would forget something. Well as they say Karma is a bitch and she seems to have decided that now is payback time. I have had three incidents in the last two weeks that have me shaking my head wondering what the heck is going on. I will let y’all make your own decisions on whether or not I should be committed or just require a full time sitter/minder.

Incident #1: I am hoping I have not already blogged this.

Was having my morning coffee and got up to get my second cup. I like sugar and cream in my coffee. I was getting to the last few cubes of sugar or so I thought when I realized that the box was gone. Now, I was pretty darn sure that I had not used up all the sugar cubes. I checked the garbage can even though I was pretty positive that I had not thrown the box out. Even checked my cupboards and no cubes. I figured I must have thrown the box into the garbage to go outside and I was not going to go rooting around in there. I used the loose sugar and went to get the creamer out and what do I find? My box of sugar cubes. I do not even remember putting them in there.

Incident #2:

During my procrastination evening I was doing my laundry. My uniforms were in there so when the dryer stopped, I had to go in and pull pants, sweaters and shirts out so they did not wrinkle. Found the pants. Found the shirts. Found one sweater. I start rooting around in the dryer which is not very large, tossing things this way and that muttering the whole time ‘how on earth can I loose a sweater in here?’ I shook my head and figured I would find it later. Went into the bedroom and opened the closet door to hang up my other uniform parts and what do I find, but my other sweater.

Are you guys sensing a theme here?

Incident #3: Took place today

I was getting ready for work and decided that I was going to take my Kindle with me because all my go to people are working. So at lunch I was going to have no one to talk to. K is working. DD is working. V is at work. I mean I could go and follow her around. P is working and Auntie K is busy. See no one to talk with. And going through emails while an option meant that I would have to eat upstairs with everyone else so I had somewhere to put my lunch. I do not like eating upstairs I like my quiet time. Sat down and finished cleaning up the earlier emails I had and realized what time is was so I went into my room to get my Kindle.

The last place I had seen it was on my bed. I pulled the blanket back and stood  stupefied as it was not there. Okay so I shook the top blanket and nope nothing there. I pulled the comforter back thinking that maybe it had somehow gotten under the covers. Nope. I even did the parachute thing and shook the comforter to see if it would fall to the floor. No but two hangers did. I grabbed the pillows and threw them to the floor. Still no Kindle.

Went into the living room. Checked the coffee table. Checked under the blanket on my couch. Checked in the bathroom. Went back into my bedroom and shook the pillows. Still no Kindle. Down onto my knees to look under the bed. Thomas got a push in case he was sitting on it. Than a slight panic as I thought I had now misplaced my phone. Easy to find it was sitting on the bedside table. Glanced at the time and it was 11:15. I had to go given I was working at 11:30.

I messaged DD on my way out the door lamenting that I had misplaced my Kindle. I knew it was in the house somewhere but where remained to be seen. I kept going over and over in my mind where it could be. But I was positive that the last place I had seen it was in my bed. Got to work and sat in car for a few minutes messaging back and forth. As I typed once more that I would find it the location occurred to me.

I had planned to read during my 20 minutes on the stationary bike. So my Kindle was sitting on the tray. With my work out runners and yoga mat. Oh but dumb I am!

All I can do is shake my head. And laugh at myself. At the very least I get some great stories to tell my seniors at work who are afraid that they are having some memory issues. 🙂

Can’t serve ya!

Seriously the above is not a statement of what this post will be about. Although I suppose if you ask the customer I did provide her with bad service.

Let me set the picture for you: Southern Manitoba, the last few patches of snow are finally melting. Save for the snow hill which is now a dirty pile of sludge that is slowly evaporating beside the apartment. Everyone has been bundled up in jackets and scarfs and toques right up until last week. Friday to be exact. Today is absolutely gorgeous. I was able to sleep with my window open last night. First time of the year.

Now this is my story:

When I left for work this morning, the sun was shining. There was a light breeze tousling my hair as I locked the door and walked to my car. I was already feeling warm in my sweater but work can sometimes be very cold so I left it on.

Arriving at work, I walked across the parking lot humming to myself. It is gorgeous out. No doubt about it. Checked my phone it is 15 degrees (59 F). It is a glorious day.

I am in the express check out. Put through a few customers all of whom are in a good mood when up she comes. We chit chat about things and I ask how she is liking the weather outside? Imagine my shock and consternation when she tells me that it is already too hot for her. Without thinking this is what shot out of my mouth:

“I am very sorry m’aam, but I won’t be able to serve you.”

She is staring at me as if I am serious and I burst out into peals of laughter. I reassured her that I was not about to send her off to another till. That I was teasing. Finished with her order, loaded it into her cart and sent her off on her way.

And than spent the rest of my day reassuring myself that not everyone was crazy by asking how they were enjoying the weather outside. To which all responded that it was beautiful and other than the wind (which had picked up and was blowing from the north) it was a great day.

March winds have become the end of April winds. Which means that we are about a month behind in seasons here in Manitoba. Mother Nature really needs to get her act together. 🙂