Ta Ta

A sigh of finality
letting this fantasy go
what was shared
gone forever more.
Tears well
shedding 
scattering 
prisms in my eyes
glancing down
heart breaking
I can no longer deny.
I stalk you
you stalk me
we know
we follow
we want to be.
In each others lives.
I wonder sometimes
if I am a fool?
If I read too much?
Old time romance
flowers at my feet
sweet words whispered in my ear
swept away
knocked to my knees.
Tick tock
I watch the clock
counting down
hours
minutes
seconds
admitting finally
to myself
you love me no more.
Tears sparkle
rainbow prisms on the wall
I forget…..
desperate to forget
what you showed me.
Love
desire
trust.
Why did you damage me such?
Why did I damage you?
I look up
you look down
dimwit
kneeling here.
I realize
you have said your good-byes.
I accept it now.
I bow my head
so none can see
fool that I am.
See not the tears
tremors of hands
lips curled down
forlorn
lost…..
 
Ta Ta 
hear the bells ring
death knell 
to our dream.
 
March !6/19

Pain Abates

My heart breaks in two
as I say goodbye to you
when all I want is to stay.
Time has come
to be on my way
no longer waiting
for you to chose, her or I?
Moving forward
taking a chance
the chance I gave you
rebuffed
left to cry
my heart settles heavy
farewell my Prince Charm.
I wanted once more
to be held in yours arms
to feel your body’s heat.
Not meant to be
you left me
scarred
tears stinging my eyes
howling with pain
crumpled in a ball.
I rose above it.
I chose to be strong.
I will love again
as my heart is not made
to be left unheld.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
June 29/18
Photo by Shashank Sahay on Unsplash

Thought #11

Saying good-bye to the one you love will tear at your heart, and make your eyes flood. Time, fifteen minutes or so and the ache is just that an ache. You always know that one love, the one love who will never be yours. And for me, that was you.

Photo by michael podger on Unsplash

Deleted

Tears of crystal submission
burn my cheeks
blinding my sight as I face you
the truth you are holding up.
I created a man
of fiction.
The love I felt
an illusion.
It does not make it easier
in fact
if anything facing this facade
makes me want to hide.
How could I have been so blind?
I am strong enough.
I have learned enough about myself
to know that I am dear.
Watch my ass as I walk away. 
I will stand true
not allow myself to falter
accept a small penance of pain
than move on.
Would you like to know
in 2018
how a woman moves on?
She deletes all your texts.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
March 4/18
Picture via: https://www.pinterest.ca/aaliyapatel746/minions/?lp=true

Cycle of Life

I use to sit upon your knee

while you braided my hair

and whispered of your dreams for me.

Held your hand when I was scared

watching you chase away the monsters.

You took the backseat when I learned to drive

through this journey called life

letting me soar and learn on my own

even when the mistakes were fraught.

Now the time has come

the page has turned

and it is I who must care for you.

I hold your hand when you whisper in fear

I comb thin hair once so thick you despaired

I watch as you pull away from me

moving backwards into the heaven’s light

knowing that you have no regrets

you have lived this life

the way you always dreamed.

With tears shattering on my cheeks

I say my final good byes

I am once more that little girl

needing her mother to hold her tight

and remind her that this is the cycle of life.

Jay-lyn Doerksen

May 26/18

I begin……

Pain
whispered on my lips
bitten with regret
I begin…..
Heart
breaking so slowly
tears unbidden fall
I begin the process…..
Aching
my broken soul
lies I believed
I begin the process of letting go.
I have waited
longer than I should have
for you to come home.
My arms are lonely
my heart is weary
I have to let you go.
It kills me to say good bye
because I  love you
I believed in you
only to have you let me down.
Tears falling
I close my eyes
letting pain
remorse flow over
silently say good bye.
I begin the process of letting go
and building my life without you.
My heart aches……
my heart breaks….
pain encompassing 
as finally I let go.
Jay-lyn Doerksen
©May 25/18