Society’s Norms

Yesterday during my massage my therapist and I were discussing relationships.
And how they are defined.
We talked about what was the point in being with someone if you can see you are not going to marry them?
I never wanted to get married.
I have always struggled in relationships with men as I lost myself in the care of them.
But at the same time I enjoy the company of men.
In more ways than just conversation if ya catch my drift. 😏😏😈😈
Which lead me to thinking about how society defines us.
Grow up.
Get married.
Have kids.
Retire.
Die.
I mean yes there are a whole lot of things that are going on but to be succinct about it a brief list.
From the time that we are children everything around us is defined by adults.
Our ideas.
Our morals.
Our viewpoints.
As teenagers we begin to suss out our places.
We begin to discover who we are.
Who we want to be.
If we are lucky.
Some of us take a little longer.
Some of us miss out on teendom due to home life circumstances.
As adults we are suppose to have a firm grip on our wants and needs.
We are to put aside the childish and lose our wonder.
Forget the magic that resides in all of us.
Be stoic.
Work and pay bills.
Buy more things.
Hope for more happiness.
More and more I realize who I want to be and who I am.
I can tell you if ever faced with a situation that I have been morally outraged over would I have the courage to take a stand?
I don’t know in all honesty.
But I want to be a voice.
I want to spread joy.
I want to spread laughter.
A lot of laughter.
I want to love being who I am with everything I am.
Which brings me around to the conversation about relationships.
And how for society it is defined so rigidly.
Man and Woman.
We are beginning to loosen up.
We are beginning to accept that there are more than just the set definition that has played out for centuries.
How I live my life and my relationships are my business.
No one one needs to know about them.
No one needs to know if I am hanging out with one man or 10.
And no one should they know need to have any opinion about it.
Yesterday T and I were having a conversation about this as we sat in the line up at A&W.
T: I thought that you don’t have relationships mom.
Me: I don’t. I have friendships. But does it matter if I have one guy or 10?
T: Nooooooooooooo.
Me: It’s okay buddy I only have 5.
T: That’s goo…….wait what?
Me: OMG your face.
I laughed so hard.
T was not impressed.
All I can say is this: As long as all adults are consensual it does not matter how you live and love. Be Safe. Stay Safe. And Live your Love your way.
©April 19/21
Picture is my own

Framily****

997 days.
160 days.
These are numbers I am very proud of.
997 days.
3 years and 2 days since I broke up with my pill addiction.
And I have not looked back.
I have not taken anything stronger than Motrin for pain.
For the last two week I have been in pain.
Icing shoulder.
Heating shoulder.
T has rubbed my anti-inflammatory into my shoulder.
I have used on my elbow and upper arm.
I am now down to a dull throb and twinge.
I have a very high pain threshold.
This pain though I cried a few times from it.
And the thought skipped through my mind that it was ok.
I could get the muscle relaxants and use them for pain management only.
But as soon as I thought it I chased it away.
I have come too far to take the chance.
160 days.
5 months and 10 days since I broke up with alcohol.
And much like my break up with the pills I have not looked back.
My sense of smell has begun to come back.
I can smell very strong smells but the subtle smell of coffee/baking bread at work I was not catching them.
I am now.
Dreams.
I know I am dreaming.
Real dreams.
Creative dreams.
I am still not remembering every night but I am dreaming.
A lot of it has triggered deja vu moments at work.
Guess I dream a lot about work.
Or am taping into some psychic ability I am completely unaware of.
If so though I am a boring psychic dreaming of day to day activities.
I have a character awakening.
For the first time in years.
When I say years I am talking about since I was a teenager.
She is skulking around in there.
Maybe not skulking……
lol she just popped out from the shadows and insists that she is skulking.
I awaken each morning early.
Without a hangover feeling like death warmed over.
There is a little extra in the bank.
Not that I can see it but my bank tracking app keeps reassuring me that I am still spending $100 less than usual.
And I can only go up from there.
I am struggling this year with my mood.
Not that I am sliding into depression but the whole year is enough to wear down even the eternal optimist.
I know that this will pass or rather our lives will evolve in such a way as to incorporate the new norms and we will move forward.
However I miss being hugged.
I miss being touched.
I miss male companionship.
There I have said it.
Now no one needs to save me or anything y’all know my feelings here.
Remember my friend called me a cat in relationship style.
One cannot fault me there.
This has been a year of growth and learning.
A year of trials and tribulations.
A year where I have been open about my struggle maintaining good mental health.
A year where I began to explore different aspects of self in life and in my writing.
A year where I have faced some facts about myself that I do not like and work to change them.
A year where…..
I am grateful to 2020 for giving me the strength to finally quit drinking.
I am grateful to 2020 for giving me more time with T and the fun we have.
I am grateful to 2020 for preparing me for the start of the teen years.
Could raising a teenager really be that much harder than surviving 2020?????
I am grateful to 2020 for being a year of introspection and inner growth.
Most of all I am grateful for everyone of you.
I have made friends/family connections within these blogs.
I cannot always read and comment as I want to but I am a silent stalker.
I can always be real without fear of scathing words thrown back at me.
I can always be me.
From My Christmas to Yours thank you all for being a part of my………..
Drum roll please…..
****Framily~Friends & Family Combined.
©Dec. 25/20
Picture is my own
I was informed I was too old to do this.
So I did it.
And took a picture to prove it.