1st Day of School

It finally arrived.
The first day of school.
Tember woke me at 5:10 a.m. to ask me if he could have his shower.
I said sure. 
Reset my alarm for 6.
Tember finishes showering and gets ready.
I must have dozed for 5 minutes. Maybe.
Now Tember wants to learn how to make coffee.
When he says step by step…..he means step by step.
 
Step One: Go and empty the reusable coffee filter. Rinse it out and…..
Mom stop I want to go do that.
Step Two: Put the now cleaned filter back in coffee pot and grind beans.
Mom? How many beans do I put in? How much water? How many scoops of?
I will just get up and do it.
No mom I want to do it.
 
I showered and when I came out coffee was made.
Tember had eaten breakfast.
We went over his school supplies and what he had as he packed his bag.
I made his lunch.
Plunked down with my coffee then remembered I needed to take our first day of school picture.
Which is when it happened.
He is so big.
We went to the bathroom and stood back to back.
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I measured him with the tape measure.
64″. 5’4″. 3″ to go and he is as tall as I am.
He went back to his room and I sat down and cried.
He is growing up.
So damn fast.
And I do not like it.
Also he is not a shooter…..he is a steady grower. 
 
Drop off time was 8:40.
Tember and I as usual didn’t get out the door until 8:37.
Sit in car. 
 
I just had a realization. 
Tember is so much more secure in himself than I am.
He took a pink ruler to school. 
He has two fingers painted with pink nail polish.
Why?
Because. 
That is all.
And yet I was worried what others would think.
I was worried that he might be made fun of.
Damn it all yet another step of his maturity.
Which as we all know is something I have always stressed to him.
His individuality.
Being true to himself.
And I tried to change that this morning.
 
Back to sitting in the car.
We are chatting away about how we are never on time.
I could have us ready to go by 8:30 and yet it will be 8:40 by the time we arrive at the car.
It is not that far of a walk.
Wonder of wonders we made all the lights.
It was awesome.
Then I arrived at the 4 way stop.
I have never seen a line up like that before.
Not for taking kids to school.
Rode the brake the whole time. 
Was directed where to go and what to do.
I did not understand. Arg
I felt like an absolute idiot.
I was waiting to turn when I happened to look at the vehicle passing in front of me. 
And I see the mom leaning forward. 
Muttering.
Looking exactly as I did. 
Uncertain.
All of us parents are going through the exact same feelings of helplessness.
Whether your child is beginning or ending their school career this is a very different first day of school.
 
None of us know what is coming.
All we can do is go with the flow.
Our kids will settle into this new school norm quite quickly. 
We will settle into our drop off and pick up routines. 
And our kids will keep growing.
 
No matter how sometimes I wish I could turn time back. 
To my little guy starting his school career.
 
 
Have a wonderful Wednesday loves.
 
©Sept. 9/20
Pictures are my own

Acceptance of Me

Today is day 25 of not drinking. Day 5 of being home alone unsupervised. LOL  I am enjoying this alone time. 
I feared that I was going to fall into old habits of brooding and needy.
However I am most pleased to say that this not the case. I am taking advantage of it all. 
Huh……another personal growth step. Look Ma no hands! 
Tender kisses
butterfly soft
fingers entwined
watching the night lights
head upon shoulder
time is on our side
as we wait
for life to begin.
Time unfolds
roads
twist
turn
never straight
not always easy
begrudged
not a once
for this is life.
Happiness
fleeting
forever
depends upon whom
you rely…..
self
or
others?
Truths
accepted
acknowledged
no atonement
this is me
who I be.
My…..self.
My…..purpose.
My…..reality.
Wrapped
blanket of peace
of joy
life no longer scares
embraced
the road traveled
less lonely
less frightening
all
for learning to accept myself.
©Aug. 12/20
Picture is my own