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I do believe that I have loved you since the beginning of time;

a soft sigh, a quick glance.

I hope you do not believe that bullshit.

How can anyone love another human being

since the beginning of time?

You swore to never abandon me and yet let us look around

I do not see a man standing near

waiting to hold my hand.

I see loneliness and pain,

strife and betrayal,

I see wars that you have fought

all in my name.

Why must you continue to batter me?

Force your way through the walls I have erected

never more shall I love you,

never more shall I give.

Begone, harry me no more, for I love you not

and cannot forever more.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

May 29/17

 

 

So Hard for Me

It is hard for me; to allow the emotions to surface

accepting, acknowledging, reveling in the pain

I am not that person, I stand on my own;

I do not need you to care.

Sobriety, so hard earned and yet tossed aside

not in a minute, a day or even a month;

but within a second.

When the reality of your life becomes too much

when the feelings, the truth is just so there, in the forefront,

that is when I duck and hide, I remove myself

because I cannot stand to feel the pain that is my history.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

March 30/17