Your Fool

I feel the fool
as I sit here
tears seeping from my eyes
at the pain I feel
even though we are so far apart.
A part of my day
a love that I have
I told myself I was the one.
I thought
I do not know what I thought
I should have known
romance does not play out
I am the one
left sitting on the curb
wondering what went wrong.
I saw you accidentally
on a night you told me you were busy
I had gone out with some friends.
They tried to shield me
as they have before
but I saw you
I saw her in your arms
held tight
as you did with me last night.
Am I but a conquest?
Someone who you needed to control
to make your own
until satisfied
you rode on to the next one.
I told you
when you said I love you
I wanted none of that
I am too old
to play these teenage games.
I wish you farewell
for my heart is breaking in two
and if you stay near me
I will always be your fool.

©Sept. 30/19
Picture is one of my own taken Matlock Beach
2017

Autumn’s Gloaming

This is the flip side of yesterday’s poem. Unexpected Love can be read here.
Sweet summer days
filled with delights
slowly deflate
moving into the season of fall.
Trees
beautiful in crowns of gold and red
carpet crinkles beneath my feet
I listen for the sound of your step
hoping
wishing
that you would come back for me.
We had tender kisses
talked of a future
of children
of a life intertwined.
In a single heartbeat
one whispered word
I understand not still
what it was that drove us apart.
Chitter chatter
squirrel scolding
as I walk
meandering
dead leaves dissipate
under the heels of my feet
as I turn along the path
where you sought my love
where you let me fall
never looking back.
Crimson sunset
sheds diamond drops on the water
tears
no longer shed
only do I feel numb.
Nearly had a love
unconceived
rare
I held it out
only to be spurned
left alone
without even a good-bye.
©August 26/19
Picture via Pinterest

Hidden Heart

Twist 
turn 
curve around
make sure to follow
left
right
not north
not south
or never shall I be found.
Heart of the maze
surrounded by thorns
kept in a casket.
Hidden deep beneath
safeguarded
dragon’s hoard
escape from
hide from
pain
that cripples
blackens my sight.
Tip toe
brutal cold
mist arises
coating stairs with ice
another maze
hidden dangers.
You shall never know my plight.
Deep within this fort
made of bone
made of blood
made of stone
a sarcophagus
etched with acid
tears
grief…..
my heart is hidden 
safe from promises
safe from love
safe from a world 
harboring no illusions
never again
will I love.
April 22/19
Photo found on Pinterest by The Eclectic Contrarian

Untitled Relationship Poem #9

Cold
wet
grey days
those are the ones to rip me back
to peel the barely formed scar
rent once more
furrows in my heart.
I remember cool fall evenings
held in your arms
warmth derived
from love
passion
desire.
Tears escape
trail over gauntness
pallor
unhealthy
soul searing disgust.
I remember long conversations
of learning
of truth
of deception
of strength
of weakness
you swore you would always care
I could count on that.
Forever and anon.
Funny how your forever and anon
lasted only as long as it took for you to find sweeter lips
than mine own.
April 8/19
 

How?

Tell me
how. 
How the hell do you look the other way
no pain in your heart?
I die
small death
every day
missing you
desiring you
down on my  knees
leave me not behind.
When did I become the joke?
The raspy voiced poet
scanning the darkness
swilling tequila
deadening the pain
images unseen
diamonds collected upon lashes
you see 
here I stood.
Hands outstretched
lifeline needed
turn away 
why?
Explain to me 
please.
What the fuck did I do?
Whispered roars
accusations
so untrue
that is what you say.
Another’s hands upon my skin
another man
looking in my eyes 
thrusting inside
while I move beneath him.
So insecure 
how can that be?
 
Time slows
honey dripping from the cone
love making
lasting til dawn’s light
make me not wait
for I shall say good-bye.
Ta-ta baby
why’d you have to go
and play with my heart?
December 31/18

Believe

Broken
I decided that I could take no more
allow no one any closer
for I could no longer
take the pain.
Torment
heartache
tears
so so many tears
that allowed me no release
from my broken past.
Than you.
You took my hand
you took my lips
you took my entirety
finding a place in my life.
not always wearing a cape
not always rushing into danger
can be that one person
who makes you believe again.
Sept. 11/18
Photo by TK Hammonds on Unsplash

Unable

I sit

silent and tired

unable to give

unable to feel

anything any more.

I watch the world spin out of control.

Blinders are no help.

Ear plugs

they do not silence the screams

of torture

of hatred

of a lust for power

never before seen.

I am frazzled

at my wit’s end

watching our world implode.

I wonder

as tears slowly seep

when did it become so………

 

Picture via: https://lifesmart2017.blog/2017/11/17/why-is-the-world-imploding/