Coffee Time

So today was absolutely amazing. I mean yeah we had a little bit of yelling given that my idea of clean and T’s is totally different. He cried. We did it together. Let me back track for you a bit. (Nothing like acting as thought we were all just having coffee and I am picking up in the middle of the story.)

Today was the start of my 5 day holiday. I took today as my day off and tomorrow as a holiday day. I could sleep in. Instead I was awake at 5 a.m.  Yes you saw that right. I laid in bed scrolling Facebook wondering if I should go exercise. Well I was exercising by 5:30 a.m.  Threw a load of laundry in and sat down to read emails and coffee. Put clothes in dryer and discovered that it was broken. The high pitched whining shriek was horrific. Chatted with a friend.  Read emails. Drank coffee.

7:30 a.m. I waken T and force him to come into the living room. I tempted him with a cup of coffee and he curled up on the couch. We talked about his Wonder questions. He is fascinated with WW II so that is what he was researching. Discovered that he writes one long sentence. Like when I say one long sentence what I mean is that I was able to make 10 shorter sentences but was told by T that this was not acceptable if the sentence is not really long it is not a sentence. See what I did there? We brainstormed ideas and yes I admit that I helped him but it was all him and his writing. Which you know mom was doing her best to just let it go…….Finished and submitted 45 minutes before the time I had told his teacher.

Just after 9 a.m. I call the rental agency regarding the shrieking dryer. Arranged to have repair place call me. Off T and me went to the bank. On Sunday we walked to the bank to deposit $25 dollars into my account so that T could make some Fortnite purchases. The atm proceeded to tell us that it could not read one bill and deposited the $20. Did not give us back the $5.00. I am quite unsure why I was asked over and over if I had gotten the $5 back. Um hi over here I am coming in to ask you to investigate this but yes I got my $5 back. Seriously. Also when I called on Monday I talked to a guy did not catch his name and he is the one who told me to come in and start the investigation. I mentioned this and the CS manager asked who and I responded with some guy. Snarkily under her breath she mutters ‘of course’ hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Off we go to gas up the car and wash it. Finally. Told T whatever was left over of the $10 I had to wash car with would be his. Home and now we are all caught up and we will fast forward to the crying and yelling. Yes we both have different ideas (until we began cleaning room but wait……) I mean I told him to pick up all the garbage and he goes ‘I did”. What do you mean you did? I can see no less than 10 pieces of garbage still on the floor. So a bargain is made. I help T clean his room and he will help me clean the rest of the apartment.

Went through T’s closet. Discovered that the vacuum had been clogged and that is why it was not sucking anything up. Unstuck it. Cleaned. Next thing I know he is gone. Walk into the living room and the kid is sitting on the couch foot on his knee sawing away at his toe nail. Does not want to get an ingrown one. Finished cleaning his room which he now loves by the way and we set up the new bed frame. The Ex text to say he was ready to meet us at Wal-Mart to pick up the mattress. Turns out I could have picked up the bed frame and mattress in the car. Mattress was shipped rolled up. Super cool. And mom rocks the win. Not only reasonably priced but I got free shipping!

Now I turn my attention to the rest of the apartment. My helper once more conveniently disappears. Oh well. Oh and I am still waiting for the repair guy. I start in on the bathroom and ask T to watch/listen for the repair man as I was cleaning/rinsing bathtub and could not hear over the water. 3:25 the repair guy shows up. Easy fix a new bearing was required. Told me that for someone who had been in the apartment for 3 years it was super clean. He goes into a lot and apparently I maintain everything well. Awesome. I think?

Finish cleaning the apartment and wash the floors. Decided that while I was still standing would shower so I did. Sat on couch. Am now so exhausted am not sure what I am going to do. Or how I am going to get to bed. I do not think that I can walk.

I started off that this was an amazing day and it was. I spent the day with T. This kid is hilarious. I cannot make up the stuff that comes out of his mouth.

Me: T you know what we have why are you in the fridge again? (this is the 8th time he has opened the fridge door in 5 minutes.)

T: I’m a kid mom that is just the way I roll.

Are you kidding me?

One last one Tism to share.

Driving T to school and there is an elderly gentleman in shorts and a loose button up shirt watering his boulevard. I made a comment about it not being that warm to be out doing this. T asks what he is doing. I explain and yes I was stereotyping that he was probably retired. This is the conversation that followed.

T: Retired? He looked like he was only 20.

Me: Um yeah no he was mid 60’s at least.

T: Wow he must be living the dream huh mom?

Good night folks I will leave it there. T and me will be around all week, heck all year if you like.

****Picture is the bed frame and mattress. I took it. T loves it. He has not moved since I set it up.****

 

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13 Days

Black cats
broken mirrors
never walk under the ladder.
All bad luck….. 
so they say.
Never did you meet 
a man 
with luck as bad
as Dilly Bean.
Began as a baby
he fell from his crib
not a dent on his head to be found.
Some good mixed with bad.
As a toddler
he shot his dad.
As a child
he set fire to the mall.
As a teen
he impregnated the home coming queen.
Now you may a’wonder
where is the good spoken of?
This is all……
disconcerting.
An adult Dilly Bean
did all he could
to recompense
for the bad he brought to town.
It worked
all the townspeople
breathed a sigh of relief.
Settle in for the tale to tell
twisted it is 
none would ever know.
Came a gypsy cavern
lead by Granny Mae.
Stopped she did
at Dilly Bean’s
calling him to head.
He sidled up
afraid what would be found
when
boop
Granny Mae touched his soul.
Jinxed he had been
since before birth
now all could rest
his affliction could not longer hurt.
March 31/19
Image by 동철 이 from Pixabay 

Sheriff John

Anyone who takes a gander at the comments know that John over at The Eclectic Contrarian and me tend to banter back and forth. We have been known to suck people into reading all 100 or more comments (LMAO) leading them into a dark abyss where they finally realize they read all our comments. We were joking around and he said I should write a poem about him. A mountain man. So I did. I am hoping that you will find this as funny as I did. And I had such a blast writing it.

Peeking through knitted lace
Watching
Wondering
Thoughts filling her mind.
What evil awaits?
What crime would be committed?
Should she venture out there?
Timid by nature 
Afraid to be
One day a man came to rescue her.
Big and brave
Tall as the mountain
Shaggy like a bear.
Carried a massive axe
Upon his back
In case any trees step in his way.
Vibrant and funny
His word to become law
As he cleared the evil world.
Like thick hickory coffee
Strong
Comforting 
Warm
He spoke with eloquence 
That made the girls swoon.
‘Sherriff John is such a dream.’
Soft giggles
Follow always behind
As he keeps the mountain lair
Safe from all crime.
Alas though there was one
His sister be
She did not think him great all.
When he came home
She snipped……
‘You forgot to feed the goat!’
 
March 6/19
Photo by Daniel Horvath on Unsplash

I am not a Killer

As I was showering Sunday morning I suddenly realized that I could never kill someone……and get away with it.
First off is that it is a crime. It comes with jail time. It comes with infamy. No thank you. And orange makes me look so sallow.
Than I would dither about how I would kill them. Do I use a knife? A gun? Rope? Hammer?
My poor victim would be staring at me in horror as I was trying to figure out which weapon I wanted to use.
Than do I want to be up close and personal or from a safe untainted with corruption spot elsewhere?
(This is how I will kill them-death by indecision.)
So I have gotten this far what comes next?
The clean up.
And you know you never ever get all the blood.
You would be crawling around on your knees, microscopic eye trying to detect the slightest spatter of human matter.
Clean up would have to be done with the black light and than you find out what else is all over that room. (Gross need I say more?)
Too talkative. I like to talk. I would be remembered.
‘Yes officer I am sure that is the one. She would not shut up for a minute.’
I would by and large leave enough DNA evidence it would be unbelievable. I shed copious amounts of hair.
As I watched my hair go down the drain I realized that I would need to get Drano or something soon.
Which lead me to than think about today’s word radioactive.
What if when I poured it down the drain a giant hairball came to life.
Than I thought I would get T to do it. However there is some law that says you cannot put children in danger. Not even if it is to fight off a radioactive hairball.
So there you have it. Why I could not commit murder and get away with it. But I am a writer mwahahahahaha I will kill you 100x on paper.

Update December 2018

T has gone for a sleepover at his best bud’s place. I decided that I was going to tackle his room. I mean c’mon the smell in that room was a palpabile. Stand at the doorway and you are choking. Yes this is my fault as I allowed it to get this far. But today was ‘D’ Day. I have been warning T that if he did not do something about that room I was going to. So I did. Have to say am right impressed with myself. 48 minutes to clean it, strip the bed, vacuum and voila. Spray a little Febreze and well I can enjoy the illusion for one day that it will not stink of sweaty feet, grungy hair, garbage not strewn all over the floor. Shhhhhhhhhh allow me this please. Just for a moment. 
 
I started a list of things that I found in T’s room while I was cleaning it.
 
1 roll of toilet paper tied up with a yellow rubber band.
2 1/2 full 2lt Pepsi bottles in his bed.
2 pairs (Mr. I have No Socks) of socks and several loose ones. After doing laundry it has been determined that he has approximately 8 pairs of socks. Like seriously?!?
My camera…..in the basket with all his cars. Cause…….movies mom movies.
1/2 of the cutlery I have been looking for
1/3 of the cups/mugs
and last but not least (I am a bit perturbed by this)
a plastic bag containing:
1 sock. 1 only.
Charger Cord
Magnetic Mirror that mechanics use
Tiny screw driver
 
I have to admit that in the grand scheme of things I have been pretty lucky. Yes T is a bit of a pig in a sty. He is getting there though. The other day he brought his cereal bowl out to the kitchen sink and looking over at me says ‘mom I must be growing.’ I am a little confused (he has the same bad habit that I do…..starting up a conversation on a different conversation that may have been 3 days ago but you know we are a little different T and me.)  ‘Meaning?’ ‘Well I brought my dish out of my room and put it into the sink.’ Oh. So you do something I have been nagging you to do for well forever….but now I am suppose to give you kudos for the one time that you brought out that bowl. Dude, I found half my cutlery drawer in your room. Why do you need that much cutlery? Is this a thing that I need to be concerned with? Is that the new initiation? How much cutlery can you hoard before your mom will brave your room? 
 
The beginning of this week was hard on both  of us. Getting use to the rules that differ from mom to dad’s place. Having to once more explain why he has to be off Fortnight at 9 p.m. Again it has gotten better as the week has progressed. Beginning of the week arguments when suddenly…..Wednesday was it? Yes it was. I was in a bad mood in the morning. And T began off with the lip. I was done. LOL I know how many times have you heard me or any parent say that and mean it? Yes there will be times but not when you are 10. We fought. On the way to school he is sitting arms crossed hostile to the end. We are going through the 20 km zone when I hear this pop. I look over at T and asked if he had just farted. Nothing. Than pop pop pop. And he starts to grin. Begins flapping his hands towards me. Where is a gas mask when you need one? I pulled up to the drop off zone (and let me tell you learning how to use the pick up/drop off lane plus the round about has not been easy) he grabs his bag hops out of the car, looks at me and tells me he loves me than slams the car door shut. Really? I was choking, gagging but this may have been the breaking point. 
 
When I told him it was 9 p.m. I expected a fight. No. He told his friend that he had to get off. He is talking to me on the ride home from the Ex’s. Oh yeah neglected to mention that part. I have no babysitter for T after school so I am relying on the Ex to help me out. Now I can return the favor and T will be spending the night here during his dad’s week. We have laughed a lot. Had to explain to T about what tenacious meant. Also how we have to correct the slightest deviation from known facts. Being literal I believe others call it. And than came the weekend. 
 
Friday night we get home. T does what he has to do and goes into his room. Xbox, Fortnight, ya know kid stuff.  I am sitting on the couch t.v. on in the background as I go through my emails. (Tonight is different. Tonight I am listening to my music on shuffle dancing in my seat and writing.) Suddenly I hear T tell his buddy that he is going to go. He wanted to come and hang out with me. Wait? What? I am sorry but who are you and what have you done with my son? I worry about him. Some might say I am overindulgent with him. Permissive. I am working on that. He has not fussed once about the bedtime hours. He has been doing his chores pretty regularly. I mean yes as we drive home I am asking him what he has to do but he is doing them. 
 
My child is so much like me that I hurt for him. He feels things differently. Hoards those thoughts and feelings until something sets it off and suddenly I am the bad guy. I now understand how my mom must of felt when I would go off on her in anger. I am bewildered. Blink rather rapidly as my brain fast forwards to catch up to what he is screaming at me. It is never what he is screaming it is what I have to dig for. Try as I might to not lose my shit I usually do. There are words. There are tears. Than the real talk begins.
 
Last night was not one of the screaming nights. No last night T made me feel short because he can take stuff off the top of the fridge without standing on tip toes. Also on tiptoe is able to reach where the bandaids are. We laughed. Sometimes 10 year old wisdom is so much better than the advice anyone else can give me. He is pretty astute. We had an amazing evening. T made paper airplanes, a ton of them while we chatted and I read emails. Blogs that I follow. It was nice. 
 
Today he is off for sleepover. I cleaned house. And I have written a chatty blog probably terrifying those who only know me through my poetry. Now I am not sure. The night is mine. The only night that is mine lol I will let it play out as it pleases. 
 
 

Holiday

Striding along
no fear of the world
moving through crowds
cowl shaped
unseen
dancing in the sun.
Holidays are short and sweet
actually rarely taken
so the decision to make a day
moving through masses of humanity
ignoring
the violence
the hatred
the damaged souls
concentrating on the sun
sand
clean smell of the beach air.
Death strolls along
scythe in hand
sand between his toes
robe to be discarded
when he finds a place to laze his bones.
Sept. 28/19

Hey Boy

I sit

watching

as you bounce from here to there

wondering if you will ever stop.

You tire me out

with games

with solutions

with endless conversations

that make no sense.

I try so very very hard

to keep up with you

but tiny  puppy

so bright and cute

you are too energetic for me.

Photo by Josh Bean on Unsplash