More than once I have bemoaned the fact that I wear glasses. My vision was amazing, 20/20 until Jan/Feb 1983.
My amma passed in Dec. 1982 and I was devastated. She was my person. I thought she would live forever. The first person I lost in my life and too this day even I still think about her and miss her.
Actually that is incorrect. The thinking part I mean. But as time passes and you live your life, there are memories that come to mind but more times has passed of her being gone than being in my life so yes, I miss her, but she comes to mind because something has been triggered and I recall a memory.
Also, a while back I was doing a meditation…..
I need to back up a bit.
This meditation app I downloaded has one called Journey through the Universe. At the beginning it talks about how you are going to travel through time, meeting ancestors. Those who have gone before, who love and care for you.
The first time that I did this meditation, I saw my grandma and grandpa. My mom’s parents. Together. I felt tears slip down my cheeks but soon after fell asleep.
I did the meditation a few more times but during the ancestor part, I never saw anyone again. Could be I am a clean slate-although I doubt it-I believe it is more a matter that I put a face to the body that I was familiar with-still an ancestor and still a part of my past. Just not my far far past.
The last time that I did this meditation I got a bit of a jolt. So much of a jolt that I immediately sat up and turned the meditation off. When it got to the part about seeing people in the distant walking towards you and these are your ancestors I saw my amma and my dad. Whoa! I sat up for about 10 minutes or so trying to re-center myself.
I have armed myself pretty heavily against my dad invading it. I do not like to think about him. However, well and ain’t this a surprise, but lately he has been burbling up in my head/mind/memories. Not bad ones. Not the destruction he wrought on me but the times when he was a dad.
Well and now was that not a side step into a psychological area I do not think I am ready to explore. At least not at the moment.
So, when amma passed in ’82, the early months of ’83 found me sick with Scarlet Fever. Yes, you are reading that right. The illness that caused Mary Ingalls to go blind. Even my doctor was shocked that I had such an old fashioned illness. And soon after my eyes began to deteriorate.
Now hard veer to the right and let’s get back to the reason behind my actual story. And the title.
Lately when I get up, Thomas is quick to move into my spot. And I thought last night was no different.
I woke up around 12:30 and had to go to the bathroom. Also was hungry so went scavenging through the cupboards. Decided on a piece of chocolate bunny. T came out to see what I was doing.
I popped the last piece of chocolate in my mouth and headed back to bed.
From the counter where I stood, I could see Thomas in my spot.
I am coming back!
I went to crawl into bed and he did not move. So I put my hand out to push him away. I found myself pushing my pillow.
And this is why I wear glasses.