Anti-Valentine’s Day

Searching
peering back
dart around the corner
shadowed
always there
get away
quickly
he is coming.
I had hoped
I really thought:
Well this year little miss
he can’t get you
there is no one around
you are safe.
Here I am though
running
terror filled
desperate to outrace him
wishing
the full moon
disappear
leave me in utter darkness.
Holy shit
little prick
who does he think he is?
Year after year
I am done with it all
I am going to stand 
Face him
Make him 
leave me the hell alone. 
Turn
head on
a deer caught in the headlights
quickly seen
hunter strides towards the hunted
lifting bow
aiming
all with that cute little moue.
Stop right there Cupid
I am done playing your stupid games
love does not exist
for me 
so please
take your bow
take your arrows 
and go find someone else to love.
Evil little thing
he smiled insincerely
sudden thwack
I jerk back
he hit me with an arrow……
again.
©Feb. 14/20
Picture via Pinterest

To all the Trolls I Loved Before (😂😂)

I wrote this in response to two trolling emails via my contact that I received. Does that mean I have made it? If I upset someone that much? Can you tell how funny I find this? 😂😂

Face contorted

spittle flying

rage
so ugly making
words
used to attack
to tear down
what is feared.
Sit before your screen
back lit by your fury
your terror
that voices rise up
words combined
sentences created
marring your version of reality.
Vindictive
your voice the only to matter…..
sense of narcissism in that
such as you accuse others of having.
Hide behind anonymity
believe your tirade will garner notice
when in reality
we just hit the delete button.
Consigning you
your vile words
to the eternal trash bin
of the internet
forever to float
untethered
unnoticed
unheard
shoulder shrug
while you sit stewing
waiting for the next one.
©January 30/20
Picture is my own.

Props…..

Tember after being told where to find his clean clothes:

Tember: Props to you mom for folding my clothes and putting them on the shelf.

Me (after staring at him for a moment or two): I do not need any props from you. What I do need is for you to start doing your own laundry……then I will have props for you! 

He was still giggling as he closed the bathroom door.

***Today if finally dawned on me who Tember reminds me of when he does his chortle giggle: Mutley!

Picture of Mutley found on Pinterest

 

And the Winner Is…..

I was not today but I certainly was yesterday. Confused yet? I would be for you have not had the pleasure of hearing the tale of the late ones.
Not sure if everyone recalls that I had made it a goal to have Tember to school no later than 9 a.m. And I was doing really well until now.
Back story to how this all came about: I was running later then usual and took the round-about a little quicker than I should have and yelled wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Tember looks at me and shakes his head. What? I asked fairly defensively. He has taken to making fun of me a lot……only right considering all the things I make fun of him about…..You have got to be the only parent that does that going around the corner. Well it is fun leaning like you are racing. Hey do you think that that is what late parents do? Race to not be the last? (There are a few of us) Okay Tember get ready undo your seat beat I will slowly roll while you fold and roll buddy we can’t be the last ones. Tember looks at me like I am absolutely nuts and gives me a kiss. This has now become a running joke with us. And seriously I cannot be the only one…..right?
In part the reason that I am getting later is sometimes I am writing. As was the case yesterday. Another part is brushing snow off the car. Again as was the case yesterday. Warm the car up in -30 C weather before being able to get out the door to take Tember to school. And I will say that yesterday was a doozy of a day. Cold and snowing blowing the car did not even warm up at all yesterday. I told Tember that I was fairly confident that I would not be the only parent dropping their kid off late……there had to be a few of us. And there were. But I get ahead of myself.
I pull in chortling because I am not the last vehicle. I can see three more cars come whipping around the round-about. But there is snow on the back window again so I have to get out and brush off. Tember shook his head and said oh god mom you are going to be that mom this morning aren’t you? I am guessing there is a mom like me every morning. You know that parent. Daring to make themselves visible to in coming classmates. He is lucky that I did not grab him and kiss him. Waved good bye and hopped back in car. As I drove away a couple of more cars in pulled to disgorge children. I giggled to myself as I pictured the other parents who now were not the last last cheering and punching air or dancing in seat or both chanting: I’m not the last one. I’m not the last one.
Well this morning I was most definitely the last one. I think. But in my defense it felt like -39 C. It was damn cold because even with having been plugged in my car had a really rough time starting. I start work later today so I plan to run the car a good twenty minutes before leaving. Will also have to run out on breaks and run car. These temps are hard on gas that is for sure but at least gas is now under a $1 so there is the silver lining there. We all bundle up. When you live in Manitoba you really cannot gripe about the weather…..we can always move.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s winner…..maybe it will be me!
Jan. 16/20

Did You Turn the Lights Out?

Well me and my warped humor have struck again. I have now moved from being the cool funny mom to being ‘that’  mom. And the fact that I laugh at my own jokes seems to make matters worse. But laugh I do. To the point where I am crying. Besides if I don’t mess with Tember’s head who will?
Tember has this really bad habit. Really bad. He turns lights on. Hall. Bathroom. Kitchen. Upper hallway. You name it he turns it on. What he does not do is turn them off. That is right…..no matter how many times I remind him…..nag him……bully him as he would say…..this kid is incapable of turning lights off.
This week the ex dropped Tember off a few nights. Tuesday evening he arrives home knocks on the door and as he opens it hollers ‘helloooooooooooooo’ so I did not hear him lock the door. This bothers me for one main reason…..he has been known to get distracted and forget to lock the door. He comes down the stairs and the hallway light to the stairs goes on…..the kitchen light well I had left the one on over the stove so it was good for now…..bathroom light……hallway light and his room. Every light blazing. Our conversation is as follows:
Me: Buddy did you lock the door?
Tember: Yes.
Me: Did you turn the lights out?
Tember: What?
Me: Did you turn the lights out?
Tember: Why?
Me: Did you turn the lights out? You turn them on but not off! Have you turned the lights off?
We go back and forth me asking Tember getting more and more annoyed and once I start to giggle…..things got even more annoying.
Me: (for like the thousandth time) Buddy did you turn the lights out?
Tember: Mom seriously that is enough. Enough ok? You are not funny.
Me: Hey buddy did you turn the lights out? You still have not told me. And are you sure that you locked the door?
Tember (sighing exasperated as I am giggling): Mom I locked the door. I will turn the lights out I swear.
Me: I don’t believe you.
Tember: Mom that is enough you are not funny.
He putters around the kitchen putting his lunch containers in the sink. Bathroom and of course the lights are still on. I am laying in bed chortling watching but at same time I am in need of reassurance. I need for him to check to door.
Now….I have at this time gotten out of bed turned all the lights off and crawled back into bed. Why did I not check the door myself you might ask? Turning lights out does not require glasses checking that the door is locked does…..Jay is lazy.
I crawl back into bed and Tember goes into the kitchen to grab a drink. Light in hall goes on. Light in bathroom goes on. Light in kitchen goes on. I am like seriously but at the same time I am going to take advantage of this.
Me: Tember are you sure that you locked the door?
Tember:  Yes mom I am.
Me: Are you sure sure?
Tember (and I hear the frustration) : Mom I locked the door.
Me: Can you just humor your mom? Please? Go and check the door for me.
Tember: grumbles under his breath……it is locked mom…..
Me: giggle giggle snort snort….but did you turn out the lights?
Were I to write over and over how many times I asked Tember if he turned out the lights you would abandon reading this. However whether child or parent you have been at one end or the other of this conversation so go with that……
Maybe it is only me? I don’t know but I thought I was hilarious. Two days after this happened I was still giggling. As I write this I am giggling.
Tember……he did not…..does not…..think that I was/am funny at all.
Okay…..he told me I was not funny.
I have told a few people about this…..and with the exception of one everyone has thought my messing with him is hilarious……now every night before bed the question shall be asked:
Did you turn the lights out?
***I am laughing as I write this. Maybe it is only funny in my head because each time I tell it I am crying laughing by the end. It may not translate as well in my writing as it does in the telling but I hope it does.*****
Jan. 11/20
Picture via Pinterest

Power Returned

***Picture is my own***

Well now this is a bit of a longer whisp of thought but only that I need to write the set up.

Tember was at his dad’s for Monday night and would be dropped off at home Tuesday afternoon for Christmas Eve. Which meant I could lounge around as my shift did not start until 10 a.m. on the 24th. It was not too cold so I did not need to go out early to start the car.

9:35 a.m. I got bundled up headed out the door and pull the car key from my pocket. Only to realize that it is shorter. Significantly shorter. I stared at it stupidly for a moment as I tried to figure out if it was always this short and I was a moron or had it broken.

Tried it on the car door. Nope not working. Called the ex’s home phone. No answer. Called the ex’s cell. No answer. Call work. Panicked. Nearly in tears. OMG I am going to be late for work. Called my boss hoping to catch her so she could pick me up. The one time she forgets her phone at home. Called P one of my besties and fearing I had woke her up hesitantly asked if she could come and give me a ride to work. She could.

I came back in the apartment. Called work. I am trying to figure out how to get home after work. How do I get to work on the 26th? I am on holidays next week so could deal with it then. I text the ex and let him know what had happened. I was at a loss.

As I climbed the stairs to wait for P tears in my eyes I stopped suddenly. What the hell?

‘Jay,’ I said to myself a little sternly, ‘this is something that is completely out of your control. You did not make the key snap. You did not do any of this. So why are you getting so worked up? There is nothing you can do right now so calm down.’

And like that I did. My heart settled and I no longer felt as though on the verge of a panic attack. I felt so powerful taking back my ability to control myself and my emotions. I did not lose it as I would have before. Cursing and angry. I realized that I was not going to allow this small thing to derail my day.

Off I went to work and used the story as a part of my day. Got the name of a locksmith. Ex came and got my keys. He was going to see what he could do for me. Had a great day at work. And it became even better when ex messaged to say that keys were cut and he would leave them with Tember when he dropped him off. I was ecstatic. And to top it off the ex wished me a Merry Christmas. The keys were my gift.

Two years ago…….a year ago……six months ago……I would have let the whole key situation bother me. I would have been down all day. How could this happen? And at Christmas? Not this time. This time I chose to not allow it to dictate my day.

There is a power in this. I have had another step forward in my personal growth. This is not to say that I am never going to get upset again…..and lose my temper over something so trivial……however if I continue to catch these small things and correct them…..learn from them…..I evolve more and more into the glorious woman I be.

Dec. 26/19

P.S. To top it off I went to lock the apartment door only to have my door key nearly snap off. Thank goodness I can use Tember’s. Never rains but pours……And I am still smiling. 🙂

Cute I am Not…..

I am not a sweet little kitten.
I am not a marshmallow
with an ooey gooey center
sweet upon the tongue.
I am a warrior.
I fought through hell
to stand on my own
without safety handholds.
I am a dragon.
Breathing fire
vanquishing my enemies
who dare to laugh
to taunt
to derail the truth that I embrace…..
the reality that is mine.
I am a wolf.
Running free
bounding through snow
cavorting with my pack
bold
sleek
fast
I will not be caught
I will not be tamed.
I am wild.
I stand tall
ferocious
protecting myself
warning off those who come near
intent on destruction
poisoned lips whispering dead words
trying to break down
take down
that which is not understood.
I am a goddess.
I am a woman.
I am terrifying.
Seriously……
Stop it…….
Stop laughing……
I so can be ferocious. 
(Pouting & stomping feet)
©Dec. 9/19
Picture via Pinterest