My Ex

A while back I wrote about how my ex and me were getting along and I realized how much I had matured. Well today I took that one step further. Today I looked passed the man who made me unhappy and spoke to my friend.

This is a man who at one point and time I loved. It is not his fault nor is it mine that in the end we just were not happy together. We are such very different people with little in common. 

Today was the first time that we had a conversation in a long time. And we both laughed. Not the fake ‘yeah get out of my face you are annoying me’ laugh but a real laugh. One that sets the other to laughing. 

We also still have inside jokes and can say things to one another that we are unable to say to anyone else. There have been a few times, where I have been spitting mad and the only one I can vent to is him.

In talking with a girl friend today, she informed me that I was taking the mature route with him. All I had said was his girlfriend was good for him.

And I no longer had to take care of him.

This man is helpless as a baby attempting to organize a tea party. I sent him numerous texts regarding the dates he had T over the summer. I also sent him several screen shots of my calender so he had it. Finally his girlfriend messaged me asking what the dates were. 

That is only one example. 

I can afford to be nice and decent to him. I am happy and in a great place in my life. And I really am working hard to let go of negativity.

It was easy to be angry with my ex when I left. I was blaming him for my unhappiness. Which really is unfair because I had a hand in my own unhappiness. I could have stood firm when I tried to leave three months prior to everything imploding. 

Now though…I am in my own space. I am writing daily. My relationship with my son and mom are amazing. 

So yes, I can afford to be kind with M2. And I even like his girlfriend even though we have not really spoken. But she is excellent with T and that more than anything makes me like K3.(Lol too many K’s- best friend, Auntie and now M2’s girl friend. M1 being my bestie.)

M2 loves T with all his heart. And at the end of the day that is all that is important. He is doing his best to be a great dad. Our failure to make our marriage last aside he will always be my friend. 

Oh so pretty

I am finally a real adult.

No seriously.

Paying all those bills. Supporting myself and T. None of that is really as adultish as what occurred last week. I got a real matching bed set. Not hand me down comforters, not comforters from when I was 17. Not mismatched sheets and pillow cases that I have picked up over the years. But a real bed set.

King size comforter. Two pillows, two shams, 4, count them 4 different pillowcases. Fitted and flat sheet. And it is purple. I love the color purple.

The minute I got home, the sheets and pillow cases were in the wash. I wanted my smells on them, not that plasticy smell from the bag. My old sheets and comforter, the pillow cases, striped off and tossed into the corner. (Not really mom, stop hyperventilating, I washed them and put them away). I was excited. I could not wait to see my vision come to life.

Last year, I got my first adult bed frame. It is romantic and gorgeous and totally me. A me that no one knew existed but does now. Before that, my mattress had rested on the old wooden frame of the waterbed we use to have. When I moved, I threw the wooden frame out and hunted around until I found this one. This was last year’s birthday present to myself. And while it did make me feel a little more adult-like, I was not still truly there.

I have a vision of what my bedroom should look like. It is soft colors and romance. It is my escape from the world. I go there to read, for quiet and sleep. As I am in an apartment I am not able to paint the walls a different color but if I could they would be a light grey with mauve trimming. A light mauve. The lighting would be scones on the walls. And sheer drapes covering the blinds.

Much like when I was younger, I get an image and I know what it is I want. I just do not know where or when I am going to find it. I have been yearning for the same pair of boots since I was 14 years old. They have yet to be designed. Although I can see them just fine in my mind.

On Thursday I went into the city with a friend and we went to Kildonan Place. I had not been in there in years. Over 20 so the changes were immense and surprising. We wandered through the mall, stopping to check out Bath and Body and various of the bedding places. Each one I took a quick look and shook my head. What I was looking for was not there.

On a whim, and one last shot, we meandered into Sears. I was not holding out much hope that I was going to find anything for my bed. We found a nice cotton bed set with a darker purple accent on white. Although it was a reversible comforter, it did not sit right with me. It did not call to me.

I walked towards the back wall and there it was. The color. The sheen. I looked at it and looked away. I was not really certain that I was seeing what I was seeing. It was perfect. The perfect color. And it called to me.

I went back to look at the first one but my heart yearned for the other. I decided then and there which one I wanted. And my first ever adult bed set came home with me.

I feel like a queen when I crawl into bed at night. The comforter is puffy and soft. The sheets are new and crisp and matching. The pillows, something which once I thought was a silly affectation make me giggle and smile. I burrow into the pillows, the comforter pulled up around my shoulders and I fall asleep with ease.

Ohhhhhhhhh and I want to make my bed, every morning because it is so pretty.

Next up, the upsizing of pillows so they fill the pillow cases.