Hello? Goodbye?

Memories
flood
all I have left.
Better times
not laced with tears
fears
deception.
I still want you.
(I instigate each call)
I miss you.
(Reaching out for you)
I know my worth.
(Or I thought I did.
Now I am not sure)
Yet you…
you bring me to my knees.
I would do anything
to feel your lips
your arms
your body pressed to mine.
Friends
stare
incredulous.
What the hell?
How can I forget?
How can I not know myself?
Taken by the shoulders
shaken
slap me upside the head
voices battering….
me?
Shutting down.
Wrapped in the corner
arms around
face shuttered
hidden
black shadows dancing
howling
let me hide under the bed.
I want to be.
I want to live.
I want to decide
do I live
do I die
how to I make this hurt disappear?
Stepping back
find the boundary
set the stakes
you want me
come
crawl
beg
still not sure I should forgive.
I need to think
I need to decide
another chance
or do I say good-bye?
January 23/18
**This was previously written but updated to include today’s word of the day.