I May be a Little Spoiled

Since the end of 2017 I have had T every night because his dad works nights. However now that L has moved in he has been spending his nights during his dad’s week there. I miss him greatly when he is not here and on occasion have been known to holler a question at him when he is not even here.

During the summer months it was two weeks while his dad was on holiday and then the third week when his dad was working he would spend the night here.

Next week T is leaving possibly Wednesday but for sure Thursday morning for a road trip to Sask. with M, L and the boys. Then he is with his dad for the following week. He comes home to me for a week and then is gone for three.

That is right, three whole weeks. Gone. Factor in this week and a half and it will be like a month and a half total he is away from me. What am I going to do????? I can walk around naked without fear. I can eat cereal every night for supper if I want to. Wow looking at my list makes me realize that I need to get myself a life lol

I have begun a journey. One of looking within, one where I am trying to grow and learn more of myself. And what I want and believe. My coffee table looks like I am a teenager again studying only this time I around I get to study and research what I am interested in.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful Tuesday.

July 12/22

To Be Counted…..

Twisted
dark gloom
shadows gather in corners
tears shed
become rambling roses
thorns jabbing
blood welling
it has all come again.
Circle upon circle
hell upon hell
looking with desperation
screaming with terror
there is no way out
no steps
no chinks in the wall
stand
looking up
wanting to be there
no here…..
in the depths of misery
in the depths of pain
in the depths of self-hatred.
Body used to tempt
drugs to defend
alcohol to bury the memories
driving myself forward
to forget a past
to forget the tortures I faced.
Falling
falling
falling
heart racing
tears falling
non-stop
cannot see
I only know I need this hurting to stop.
Looking back today
upon the journey I have taken
the road that I am still moving forward on
the emotions I feel
allow myself to feel
accepting help from others
accepting that I am important
accepting that I am worthy of love.
The steps taken
long since 
I have stopped counting.
I continue to move along this life of mine
only now
I can enjoy this trip I am on.
©Feb. 2/20
Picture is my own
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