Karma

Thought you did
scott free away
without anyone figuring it out.
Words were spoken
vows made
call upon the goddess
learn you shall
Karma will come
making you pay.
It began so slowly
a screw
a bolt
slightly loosened
tightened not enough
coming loose.
Moving on
repairs beyond
suddenly
brakes are failing
windshields bursting
calling for a tow truck.
Kinda makes me laugh.
Rude?
Yes it is rude
the genuine delight I take
when discovering
once again
disaster falling
upon your shoulders.
Grin upon my lips.
Karma?
She is a wicked bitch
thankful am I
she is on my side.
Her attitude
aptitude
for discovering what will cause most dismay
what will make
well…..
as naughty as it is
me smile
giggle
chortle
with joy
comes into play.
Your desire
your wants
have lead us here.
Karma
she is a motherfucking bitch
too bad you decided to……
well play with her.
Feb. 22/19
***Picture is mine taken tonight as I left work.***
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Scared Yet?

T and me we have this thing……previous posts have been written about this thing…..but tonight was the first time (LOL) that I realized it.
 
In the bathroom doing my thing. I hear nothing. I open the door and go to walk out and T is standing there. In his pickle costume 
 
Oh yeah, none of y’all know about the Pickle costume. For some bizarre reason T is infatuated with pickles. But not any type of pickle, his pickle. (LMAO I realize how that sounds.)
He actually has a book started called ‘The Life of Pickle. (I will transcribe and post at later date.) For Halloween he wanted to be a pickle and I actually found (well not me but I had mentioned to a co-worker who messaged me on a Saturday to tell me she had found a Pickle costume at  Wal-mart.) I ran to Wal-mart and found the costume. You should have seen the expression on his face when I came home and surprised him with it. (As an aside there were three little sayings on this costume…..I did not realize….1) I am kinda a big Dill  2) Sweet Pickle and  3) Tickle my Pickle. Let me tell you #3 was cut off the costume.) 
 
I realize you are going what does this have to do with your thing? What is your thing?
 
We love to scare one another. And we do it well.
 
When I came out of the bathroom tonight I screamed bloody murder. T has also scared the hell out of me by popping up behind me wrapped in his blanket no head while I was looking in the fridge. My revenge was to tell him that there was no one in the storage room unless the dude I had tied up under my bed had escaped. That horrified him.
 
So we have had a two day scare period. 
 
Last night I am in T’s room in the dark hanging up his laundry. He had gone into the living room for something. Had no idea that I was in his room. As he walked in I said something to him about hanging his clothes up. He shrieked because I scared him. I was bent over laughing.
 
Second time I think he almost threw the pop at me he had in his hand.
 
Let us move to me……coming out of the bathroom…..and seeing the pickle…….I screamed…..thank goodness upstairs neighbors are visiting family otherwise I am sure the RCMP would have been called.
 
After I screamed I began laughing. (I love being scared) and T’s response was ‘Ha I am getting you back for yesterday.’
 
I scare a lot of people. I sorta kinda just suddenly appear where you never thought that I would be. I have caused co-workers to jump. I am silent. I am ninja like. My mom has compared me to a wraith. T has inherited that behaviour. I am sure that the next few years are going to be fun. And given that he will soon be a teenager sleeping a hundred hours a day, I will find ample opportunity to scare the hell out of him. As he will to me.
 
And we will laugh and laugh and giggle after the screaming stops. 
 
***No children or mothers were hurt during this scaring episode.***

Mama’s Mafia

Photo by Bruce Dixon on Unsplash

Dumbass.
Door knob.
Dickhead.
Douchebag.
Dork.
And yes they know it means whale penis.
These are the names
the insults
my girls have given to you.
They dislike you.
They would bury you
up to your neck
at low tide
where the sand crabs can get you.
Pinch your nose
your lips
your cheeks
watch as the surf rolled in
covering your face.
They really really don’t like you
or how you treat this lass.
I have cried so many tears.
Wailed and gnashed my teeth.
Finally they were done
and decided that you need to learn
you cannot play with my heart
without raising the wrath of the mighty five.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
May 9/18

Happiness is easy

Hey! What is that sound I am hearing? The one that is constantly pouring from my mouth, shaking my body, making my eyes shine? What is that noise I am making? Why can I not stop grinning?

I work with people all day long. I talk and talk and talk and talk. Yet I complain about T when he talks too much. Believe me I totally get the irony of that statement.

Since starting back to work last month, all I have done is Customer Service and cashiering. No responsibility. None. I show up for my shift, I do my work, I come home. I am not grouchy. I am not short tempered with T. I am loving going in no earlier than 9 a.m. So far the latest that I have had to stay until is 8:30 p.m.

Next week I begin working 8 hour days, earliest start time is 9 with the latest at 9:30. Wohooooo! Home no later than 6 p.m. Okay, home at 6:08 if I don’t have to go and pick T up from the sitter’s. Maybe I will make him walk home which of course he would not find very funny.

And the laughing. I laugh almost all the time with most of my customers. There is joking so much so that I have gotten to the point of saying that my comedy is free of charge, a bonus for coming through my till. And I do not have a quiet laugh. I am the girl who laughs with her entire being. I have mentioned that before in previous blogs. Head back, belly laughs. There have been times that I have been close to tears I am laughing so hard.

And the staff I am working with are terrific. I am wondering if I might have been a little scary before and come to think of it,  yeah I was. Anal, everything had to be by the book.  Unable to give up control. And I did not hang out with them while working. I was always doing what a manager does, managing. I do not have to do that now. Manage I mean.

Am I helpful? Yes I am. But I do not have to watch like a hawk and make sure that every little thing is being taken care of. I stand behind my till or bag for other cashiers. Last night I washed tills and made sure to tidy up the front. I did what I could do without stressing or foaming at the mouth because things were not completed before I left work.

I have been given until the end of June (I will have been back to work for 3 months than) to get back on my feet. To make the decision of whether or not I want to continue on in the role of Front End Lead, step down to Supervisor or step all the way down. To full time Customer Service/Cashier. And I have to tell you I am fairly confident that I already know what my answer is going to be.

 

Scatterbrained you think?

I have always prided myself on my great memory. I use to make fun of mom when she would forget something. Well as they say Karma is a bitch and she seems to have decided that now is payback time. I have had three incidents in the last two weeks that have me shaking my head wondering what the heck is going on. I will let y’all make your own decisions on whether or not I should be committed or just require a full time sitter/minder.

Incident #1: I am hoping I have not already blogged this.

Was having my morning coffee and got up to get my second cup. I like sugar and cream in my coffee. I was getting to the last few cubes of sugar or so I thought when I realized that the box was gone. Now, I was pretty darn sure that I had not used up all the sugar cubes. I checked the garbage can even though I was pretty positive that I had not thrown the box out. Even checked my cupboards and no cubes. I figured I must have thrown the box into the garbage to go outside and I was not going to go rooting around in there. I used the loose sugar and went to get the creamer out and what do I find? My box of sugar cubes. I do not even remember putting them in there.

Incident #2:

During my procrastination evening I was doing my laundry. My uniforms were in there so when the dryer stopped, I had to go in and pull pants, sweaters and shirts out so they did not wrinkle. Found the pants. Found the shirts. Found one sweater. I start rooting around in the dryer which is not very large, tossing things this way and that muttering the whole time ‘how on earth can I loose a sweater in here?’ I shook my head and figured I would find it later. Went into the bedroom and opened the closet door to hang up my other uniform parts and what do I find, but my other sweater.

Are you guys sensing a theme here?

Incident #3: Took place today

I was getting ready for work and decided that I was going to take my Kindle with me because all my go to people are working. So at lunch I was going to have no one to talk to. K is working. DD is working. V is at work. I mean I could go and follow her around. P is working and Auntie K is busy. See no one to talk with. And going through emails while an option meant that I would have to eat upstairs with everyone else so I had somewhere to put my lunch. I do not like eating upstairs I like my quiet time. Sat down and finished cleaning up the earlier emails I had and realized what time is was so I went into my room to get my Kindle.

The last place I had seen it was on my bed. I pulled the blanket back and stood  stupefied as it was not there. Okay so I shook the top blanket and nope nothing there. I pulled the comforter back thinking that maybe it had somehow gotten under the covers. Nope. I even did the parachute thing and shook the comforter to see if it would fall to the floor. No but two hangers did. I grabbed the pillows and threw them to the floor. Still no Kindle.

Went into the living room. Checked the coffee table. Checked under the blanket on my couch. Checked in the bathroom. Went back into my bedroom and shook the pillows. Still no Kindle. Down onto my knees to look under the bed. Thomas got a push in case he was sitting on it. Than a slight panic as I thought I had now misplaced my phone. Easy to find it was sitting on the bedside table. Glanced at the time and it was 11:15. I had to go given I was working at 11:30.

I messaged DD on my way out the door lamenting that I had misplaced my Kindle. I knew it was in the house somewhere but where remained to be seen. I kept going over and over in my mind where it could be. But I was positive that the last place I had seen it was in my bed. Got to work and sat in car for a few minutes messaging back and forth. As I typed once more that I would find it the location occurred to me.

I had planned to read during my 20 minutes on the stationary bike. So my Kindle was sitting on the tray. With my work out runners and yoga mat. Oh but dumb I am!

All I can do is shake my head. And laugh at myself. At the very least I get some great stories to tell my seniors at work who are afraid that they are having some memory issues. 🙂

Can’t serve ya!

Seriously the above is not a statement of what this post will be about. Although I suppose if you ask the customer I did provide her with bad service.

Let me set the picture for you: Southern Manitoba, the last few patches of snow are finally melting. Save for the snow hill which is now a dirty pile of sludge that is slowly evaporating beside the apartment. Everyone has been bundled up in jackets and scarfs and toques right up until last week. Friday to be exact. Today is absolutely gorgeous. I was able to sleep with my window open last night. First time of the year.

Now this is my story:

When I left for work this morning, the sun was shining. There was a light breeze tousling my hair as I locked the door and walked to my car. I was already feeling warm in my sweater but work can sometimes be very cold so I left it on.

Arriving at work, I walked across the parking lot humming to myself. It is gorgeous out. No doubt about it. Checked my phone it is 15 degrees (59 F). It is a glorious day.

I am in the express check out. Put through a few customers all of whom are in a good mood when up she comes. We chit chat about things and I ask how she is liking the weather outside? Imagine my shock and consternation when she tells me that it is already too hot for her. Without thinking this is what shot out of my mouth:

“I am very sorry m’aam, but I won’t be able to serve you.”

She is staring at me as if I am serious and I burst out into peals of laughter. I reassured her that I was not about to send her off to another till. That I was teasing. Finished with her order, loaded it into her cart and sent her off on her way.

And than spent the rest of my day reassuring myself that not everyone was crazy by asking how they were enjoying the weather outside. To which all responded that it was beautiful and other than the wind (which had picked up and was blowing from the north) it was a great day.

March winds have become the end of April winds. Which means that we are about a month behind in seasons here in Manitoba. Mother Nature really needs to get her act together. 🙂

Stormy Sunshine

Today has been one of those days that began with a storm and ended in sunshine. T and I went head to head this morning. Screaming. Crying. I told him to shut up. He tried to hit me. Unsuccessfully before you get up in arms. I easily batted his hands away as he was screaming at me not to touch him. I locked myself in my bedroom. Eventually things settled down.

I am not proud of either of our behaviors. However a friend told me that some times you need to assert your authority. Remind them who the boss is. I had forgotten about that. T apologized to me and our morning ended with my dropping him off at school. And trying to teach him some times tables on the way to school. He did not like my attempts even though I was trying to teach him some short cuts. I told him that in either grade 3 or grade 4 (positive it was grade 3) I use to be sent off to a quiet room off the library to do my times tables. I had some issues learning them as well. I still use short cuts I taught myself when I need to times some numbers.

Went to work intent on talking to my boss about my return to 8 hour shifts May 14th.  However he was busy and I did not catch him before my shift started. So I forced him to talk to me on my 15 minute break. That I set my timer for. I wanted to know how he was feeling about me. What he thought and/or felt about my return. What we were planning to do.

He asked me how I felt I was doing. How I was doing. Not how the front was doing but me. And what did I do, I told him everything that I was noticing that was wrong. Again I need to learn how to not do these things. I need to step back and do my job. Just my job. Not manage but interact with the customers. Talk with people. I am uncertain if I should go and mention that I realize my error in listing out what I was seeing or if I should leave it alone.

We decided that I am going to work Customer Service and Cashier until the end of June. During this time I am going to decide whether or not I want to remain the Lead Supervisor. If I want to step down and be a supervisor. Or completely remove myself from the supervisory responsibility altogether and become full time Customer Service/Cashier. Still at same wage. Still with same benefits. Still with 40 hours a week. And no responsibility. None. Other than to come in and do my job.

While talking with my friend, I listed out all the pros. This here is the largest one, even though I have gone back to work my creative juices have been flowing. I am having ideas galore, some are funny, some are dark, but they are there. I have begun working on my first collection of short stories and poetry. I am excited. Last night I did not want to go to bed at 10 p.m. because I wanted to be writing. I woke up at 4 and thought about getting up to write but I had been in the middle of a great dream and decided that I wanted to try and recapture it.

Tonight I have had two ideas pop up and a third in play. My first batch is a little dark, okay a lot dark and warped.  My comedic ideas are totally lighter.  I think that once I get some of this darkness out of me, I will settle into a balance. This is the joy of writing short stories, I can write about everything and anything.

My evening has been good. I did not turn on the t.v. until around 6. I was home at 2. Although I did not do a full work out I did do my toning exercises. Supper was pork tenderloin sliced thin, 4 slices of cheese toast and salad. I was famished. As I was cooking I realized/spotted the above item on the floor. I picked it up and was about to throw it away when I realized what it was.

I had bought T a 6 pack of Powerade. It is one of the rings that hold the 6 together. He snipped it so that when it went into the garbage and eventually made it to the dump, that no animals could get tangled up in it. So I must be doing something right.

Okay, now I am so embarrassed.  I was asking T where he had learned to cut the loops so as to save the animals. And he looks at me like I have grown 2 horns. Has no idea what I am talking about. I explain to him how birds can get tangled in them, smaller animals etc. He is shaking his head. So I ask why he is cutting the loops. So he can get the drink out. I could only stare at him. I told him I had been bragging about him all over the place. And now alas, I am wrong about his motives. Where oh where did I go wrong? (JK)