Week of Funnies

I have had a good week. I mean at work. At home. The laughing I have had. Oh my god……I am talking belly laughs.
Work Laughs:
  1. Gentleman and his wife come through my till. We are chatting when the husband tells me that there was a woman who was having difficulty shopping so he helped her. Apparently this woman was going up and down the aisles and would stop leaving her cart in the middle of the aisle. So while she was off grabbing this that and the next thing he was pitching things into her cart. I told his wife that I fell in love with her husband. She giggled and said he is always up to mischief.
  2. Tonight supervisor pages that it is 9:55 p.m  and the store closes in 5 minutes. To please gather their items and head to check out 3 where Jay (that is me) is waiting to help you. My line up was so long. Customer and her husband are chatting with me. The wife says as L is paging ‘that is right folks get your shit and get out.’ I bit my tongue and giggled. Said well not quite like that. She grins and says ‘This is why I am not allowed on the P.A. system’
  3. Customer says to me ‘I will help you bag.’ So I give her some bags. She does the pop. I start to bag their cold stuff. She stops bagging. ‘I was going to bag but than I realized that you are way more efficient so I stopped.’ Told her that she had done me a great favor by bagging up her pop.
  4. Customer comes through with Preparation H……announces that it is a pain in the ass……pun intended
Home Laughs:
  1. Tember and me belly talking. What is belly talking you ask? It is when you make a bottom and upper lip…..with your belly…..imagine if you have abs will not work but…..you make a mouth with your belly and talk…..give it a voice.
  1. Coming home for supper…..dishes not done…..asked why not? Tember says: ‘Mom was going to do them at 10.. You are not suppose to be home.’ (Dishes still not done when I arrived home at 10:30)
  2. ‘Mom where did we get the million dollar soap from?’ (Million $ soap is not $1000000 soap…..fancy packaging)
  3. ‘A little bit of grime on my table. And only 3 Pepsi stains from the bottom.  I should get coaster. Oh wait……no I should make my own coaster. Thanks for the idea mom.’ Tember walks away and says…….’just say you are welcome.’ Me: You are welcome. (and then I laughed)
  4. I am going to admit that there is so much laughing at home. I cry a lot from giggling.
Week’s best humor:
Last night Tember asks me if he is able to go to his buddy’s today to hang out. I said yes.
Sitting here today when suddenly it flashes across my mind.
Wait Tember are you not going to J’s tonight?
Yes mom. They are picking me up at 5.
Well damn good thing I remembered.
What do you mean?
Well if I came home on supper and you were not here I would be calling RCMP.
Mom c’mon you would message and ask me first no?
Ummmmmm no if I came home and you are not here my mind would blow. I would be freaking. No logical thought.
Mom really?
No. I would have no rational thought.
Mom that is embarrassing.
Heading off to work (no more than 10 minutes after above):
Kay buddy I will see you first break. I think it is at 5:30.
Mom I am getting picked up at 5.
Oh right.  Fine. I am leaving.
Tember following me up stairs.
What are you doing?
We are not going to see one another til later. Kisses mom.
What do you mean? I am home at 5:30.
Mom I am going out at 5.
I laughed. And laughed.
Laughter is where you find it.
We have so much fun I think it may be a crime.
June 26/20
Picture is my own

Baby Boy Makes Me Laugh

Well now cannot make Word of the Day challenge work (it is acid) but I want to write.
So I decided to tell y’all a story that appeared in my Facebook memory feed. He must have been either 4 or 5.
When I read it I howled.
Today I told Tember and he figures it is ‘mom’ humor…..like dad humor but way funnier.
Once upon a time
Tember was a little boy
ever so cute
but on occasion
lies were known to fall
from sweet baby lips.
Mom (that would be me)
sat next to him
stern look upon my face
and I said to him:
“Look me in the eye and tell me
that you do not lie.”
Child o’mine
I been dere
I done dat
gonna catch ya out
no matter what.
Of course
no eye contact was made
chortled I did
for correct I had been.
Tember shouts
zooms in
tongue out
licks my eye
while I shout
‘wth dude?????’
And this my lovelies
is the best thing ever
his response:
‘Well Mom
You told me to lick you in the eye
and say no.’
©May 25/20
Picture is my own