You Tricked Me!

At 8:30 I went in and told Tember that I would be back at 10.
He would be getting up.
No ands ifs or buts about it.
And he better not make me get the squirt bottle.
10 comes and I go in.
Okay 9:58 but still close enough.
I jump on his bed and begin to poke him..
Bug him.
Tickle him
Sang to him.
He giggled a little but still would not get up.
I did what any self respecting mother would do at this point…..I took his comforter away and put it in the wash.
In my defense it was time to wash the thing as it stunk.
Tember has had since he was 2.
It is falling apart.
He refuses to give it up.
I digress.
He pouts.
He whines.
And whines.
And whines.
I get annoyed.
At 10:58 the washer stops and I go throw clothes in dryer.
Oooooops clothes from laundry two days ago.
I am not ashamed.
After throwing his blanket in I poked my head into his room.
Me: So I guess you are not coming?
T: Coming where?
Me: With me to Tim Hortons. You don’t come you don’t get anything.
T: Well what are you getting?
Me: IDK but if you don’t come you get nothing.
It took some cajoling but finally he catapulted.
I even was able to get in a walk around the block route.
I may have not been very forthcoming what a walk around the block looked like.
He moaned and groaned a little bit and we walked.
Into a northern wind.
NW according to my phone.
Chilly.
Which lead to much mocking of me by Tember.
He over-exaggerates my dislike of cold weather.
But hey at least he was no longer moping but laughing.
As we came near to our destination I suggested walking further.
To no avail.
I suggested crossing the street walking to 4th and back.
Was told it was pointless.
I said I wanted to walk longer.
Tember decided at this point that this whole thing has been a trick.
Me: No. I like walking with you. We talk. We are spending time together. We can be sewn at the hip.
T: Ummmm……no
M: What you don’t want to spend time with me?
T: The sewn at the hip thing.
M: Well…..stitched together
T: Mom we would have to go to the bathroom together. We would have to sleep together. Mom we would have to shower together!
***I am giggling***
M:Okay maybe not that…..how about hooks. So when we wanted to do different things we could unhook.
T: Mom! No that just sounds painful.
***I may have wet myself a little as I gasped with laughter.
Anyone overhearing would be wondering wtf.
And I totally blame him for the leakage when I laugh.
All his fault.
This is our normal types of conversations.***
T: And it would catch on things
M: No you would have normal shirts on when not attached.
T: Still gonna catch on something.
M: We will velcro it. Attach velcro to the other side and it will hold it down. No catching.
***Tember stops and looks at me. I am dying.***
M: Stop making me laugh! I am going to pee myself.
T: Mom everything sounds painful.
M: So……no to the going for a walk? Or no to being stitched together at the hip?
Tember did come up with a compromise.
Got our food and treats. (Chillers and donuts w/sandwiches-Amazing)
We walked back the semi long way.
Crossing the gas station parking lot horizontally.
We had a fun time despite Tember being annoyed at me for making him get up.
As I sat here typing it suddenly flashed on my screen that one no make that two Amazon packages were delivered.
Um no……..
Clicked open tracking and there is a picture of my front door with two packages.
Tember’s school supplies: decent geometry set and french/english dictionary.
For me one last late birthday gift: Amazon FiretvStick.
Going to go and install.
Wish me luck.
Happy Sunday Sweeties.
©Sept. 13/20
Picture is my own

Hey! I’m not a Cat…..

I am the meanest mom on the face of the planet today.
Battle of wills at its finest.
We shall see who is the most stubborn.
Me?
Or the being I birthed 12 years ago?
Right now at 8:08 a.m. Tember is sitting in the bathroom on the toilet.
Door closed.
He is pouting.
I am writing.
Tember and I fight about shower time all the damn time.
I can tell him he stinks and he smells his pits.
Not too bad mom.
I can tell him his hair is greasy and he smiles.
Stays in place better mom.
Yesterday he was cold and wanted to turn the heat on but:
Well mom then I have to close the window and it will stink in here.
One can only assume that somewhere it all makes sense.
Back to today.
Another Tember issue has been bed time.
He is milking that one with holidays and I told him last night that enough was enough.
He groused and groaned.
I warned him that he would be getting up at 8 a.m. no arguments.
I even let him go until 8:02.
I went in.
Armed with the cat spray bottle.
There was much yelping.
Spraying.
Yelping.
Spraying.
Finally he went into the bathroom.
Where I began the story.
A battle of wills is in process this morning.
Tember does not want to shower
I want him to shower.
He did not want to get up.
I wanted him to get up.
Hence the spray bottle.
It worked.
Furious as he was.
He sat in the bathroom pouting before coming out with this logic:
Mom there is no point in showering today. I want to shower tomorrow. Otherwise I am just going to stink tomorrow. 
It continued along in this ranting vein until:
Well no one is going to know you stink. And it is not as if you are going to be running around all day today.
I will walk up to them and rub my pits all over them.
I imagine my huge burst of laughter did nothing to alleviate the rage he was feeling towards me at that moment.
Well that is your choice buddy. But hey I have another idea……gasp……you could shower not only today but tomorrow too!
This was apparently the most ridiculous thing I have ever uttered. (Aside from the time I told him to straddle the toilet and aim downwards first thing in the morning.)  Worst Advice Ever!
Finally enough was enough and I had to pull out the big guns.
No Shower. No Gaming.
I am not using this as my be all end all choice of persuasion.
It is my last choice option.
And I have had to use twice this week.
Tember has left the bathroom for his room.
Still annoyed.
I went in armed with the water bottle.
He felt under attack.
I mocked.
He tried so hard not to let me see him smiling.
He still is having some issue with the showering edict.
Still refusing to take one.
Still no game time.
And I leave you with this:
Well you learn quickly. Better than the others.
Mom that does not make me feel better. They are cats.
Have a magnificent Monday loves.
©Sept. 8/20
Picture is my own