Thought #17

People who do not rejoice and celebrate the successes of your life….
they are people who do not belong within your circle.
 
March 28/19
Image by Larisa Koshkina from Pixabay
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Broken I be

I think I may be broken.
No tears.
No anger.
No love.
What is love?
I do not even know.
Not the love of a mother for her child.
Nor for the love shared by siblings.
I mean romantic love.
Where birds fly in heart shaped formation…..
squirrels
blue jays
woodland creatures
live in harmony.
Fairy tale fantasy.
That is not what I want.
To be honest
I have an idea
it just does not translate.
I know what I do not want:
Prince Charming
Knight in shining armour.
I want:
Jester
Knave to keep.
How though do I love?
This is such a dilemma
for I want to love
want to care
but
I am Broken.
March 15/19

Time Untrue

During the winter’s tempest
snow blowing
winds roaring through our ears
time seems to cease
for all that blankets
is pure white 
as far as the eye can see.
No longer green hills
no longer warm summer breezes
locked within Father Winter’s grasp
there is no where to go.
As children
snow held not the bone chilling 
heart stopping
iciness it possesses now 
as adults
facing a world of danger and uncertainty.
Slowly winter has buried all lands
eradicating sunlight
warmth
reality
appreciation
morals
truth
as we all bend to the Winter King’s wrath.
Do we need to though?
Could we not recapture 
the passion had as children
when horrors penetrated not our minds?
When we had no thought of war
of atrocities
perpetrated in the name of……
God/Allah
of devastation
of peoples displaced 
left to fend
care for themselves in a bloody world
so enraptured with itself
that humanity is being forgotten?
Naive we are not.
Yet there are times 
when looking 
when hearing
when seeing
the demons running this era
that all wish they could return…..
to those blessed days
when one was young
with no cares in this world
beyond being home when mom called
or the streetlights began to appear.
March 7/19
Photo by Joe Mania on Unsplash

Untitled Word of the Day Poem #22

‘Hey diddle diddle
the cat and the fiddle
the cow jumped over the moon……..’
We are asked to believe
to admit
that there is more
that life is not as we know it
but built upon fairy tales
strata
layers
ring upon ring
marking each day
each decade
each century.
Kings have swung.
Queens have lost their heads.
Bowing before common ground
see the Devil
swear to be his bride
if only
he turns
looks the other way
let me flail
drown
second guess
before scooping me free.
Sorry am I
rhymes spill off my tongue
no one wants
this girl
woman
easier to call bitch
build a wall
a jail
keep away
a game we play.
Guess why I do
what I do.
Do you see?
Without me
he would devour the earth.
I submit to sin
to anger
rage
black soul
devoured
bright light
scoring my mind
crawl forward
blind
I believe
I know
I guess
I am the world’s Queen
able to eradicate fear
pain
bloated
sucking in the darkness
bow before
sickened
gorged on death
I fall……
Good bye
so long
fade away
do I
thank you for the memories.
Feb. 24/19

Ruined I say!

***This post was written a few weeks ago but today I was able to finish.***
So….I have decided because he is so funny and a wealth of posts that I will create a new category…..I ruined his Life. T and me have been fighting a lot. And in every instance I ruined his life. These are the stories…..
Let us begin with Monday. 6:41 a.m. my phone rings. It is the school division letting me know that school was cancelled. Had they been any later and I would not have somewhere for T to go. Messaged ex and he stopped to pick T up. Brought him home in eveninng too. I worked 9:30-6. My day was easy. The Ex drops T off at 9:30ish. In the evening.
 So Tuesday morning. All is good until the end……T suddenly cannot find his hat. This hat that means life or death…..if he does not have this hat he is going to die. This is his favorite hat. Okay it is fricken freezing out. There is snow in my car. He is acting like a shit. Do not gasp in disgust…..every single parent out there has had the asshole moment. And you know what, we are going to face the asshole a whole shit load before they turn 18. This applies to daughters as well.
He left the hat on my couch. Nope. I cleaned on Sunday. There was no hat on my couch. 
Now it is 8:50. T has to be at school in 10 minutes. He is refusing to leave because he cannot find his hat. This hat is his favorite. And where is it? What did I do with it? 
So now, I am livid. He is pulling this shit…..the I am going to move slower than a sloth shit……I am boiling. Screaming. 
He finds a hat. Not his favorite but 2nd favorite.
 Wednesday a.m. I run to store to get sugar get home and he is still in bed. See Wednesday is shower day. That was awesome. Screaming. Water every where and how can I be so mean??????
 I get him clean. I thought all was good. All was not good. Omfg where did the hat go? He threw it at the PC last night. It should be on the floor. OMFG I lost it. Like lost it. Stuffed animals flew and T was screaming that I had ‘hurt’ him. The google eyes on his stuffies hurt him. I was seriously pissed.  There was much screaming. Oh holy hell…..I threw it here……you moved it and if not you the cats!! What????? The cats moved your damn hat. So once more there is screaming and yelling and I don’t know who is the loudest….me or him.
More fights. More mom is killing me. Omg she hurt me.I do not deserve this. 
Thursday….Mom……Yes T…..I found my hat…..Really where?…Over here where you looked. I did not look there. You said you threw it over here. You blamed me and my ninja like moves. You accused the cats of moving your hat.  We were totally out to get you.
Sooooooooo…..you tossed your hat….and I am at fault…..oh hell no…..I am calling you out.
Evil mom rides again. Me and the cats…..we deserve an apology. 
 I did not get a sorry. The cats did  not get an apology. However he calmed his shit down.
 Until today (Feb 17/19) Mom did some bad juju. But that is a story for tomorrow.

Broken Reality

Broken
battered
left on the side of the road
left to die 
without anyone to hold.
Grim reality
scattered dreams
heroin needle
still stuck in the vein.
Star struck
beautiful girl
ventures to the land of sin 
deceived
degraded 
by the one who made her whole.
Within her soul
a blackness grew
as night after night
aspirations drowned
vile glass 
after vile glass 
men worked to take her down.
Her life 
her desires
when they touch her
vacant eyes staring 
above heaving shoulders.
Visions of escape
ideas
flew from her mind
only the call of the needle
could sate growing hunger
eating her from the inside.
Broken
battered
left to die
slowly tears gather in her eyes.
Visions of parents
a home left behind
fade to black
as the grim reaper
reaps her soul.
January 28/19