Unseen Pain is a Bitch

Not quite three weeks pain free.
I was dancing.
I was twirling.
I was not walking into walls or falling over pallets.
But I got cocky.
And the pain is back.
Worse than before.
Sad face is right elbow.
Happy face is left elbow.
Last week I was helping out in a till more often.
And prior to this I had talked to K about making sure I was only in a small till.
And it was working.
Like I said Jay got cocky.
Thought that I had it under control so while helping last week I was in a larger till more than express.
Which means larger orders.
And I fly through them.
I was feeling a bit sore on Friday morning but thought nothing of it.
Friday evening my right arm is throbbing a bit but I can live with it.
I was up with my alarm clock and my arm was throbbing still.
I took some Motrin and left it at that.
Throughout the day the pain became worse.
I put cream on.
Ate half a cookie.
Throughout the evening the pain crept up more and more.
I had done nothing all day long.
Was not sure where the pain was coming from.
I was up and down from 12:48 a.m.
Twice I woke up crying and laid there debating whether or not to go to the hospital.
But for what?
A shot of pain killer?
Which I want to avoid because of my stubbornness and fear.
4:17 a.m. Sunday morning I go into the bathroom and drop a giant CBD Grapefruit Bath bomb into the tub and turn the water on as hot as I can stand it.
My bathtub is narrow and not long.
I can’t sink down to my chin and everything is covered.
I sank down until my neck was covered.
I floated my arm.
Pain eased.
And I drifted off.
I woke up thinking about the name Zara and how strange it was for a Royal name.
Now I know that she is not really Royalty.
Or not considered who knows.
It all is confusing to a Canadian like me.
Also that was a direct headline I had read on Saturday.
The water had cooled considerably so I added some more.
It was 5:45ish when I finally crawled out and made coffee.
Read some emails.
Lathered on more cream.
Pain was finally under control.
I iced.
Used hot water bottle.
A couple of Motrin.
I spent several hours between 6 and 11:30 debating about going shopping.
I had no food for T’s lunches.
Had no salad fixings.
No fruit.
Also wanted a heating pad for my back and shoulder.
I was back home before 1:30.
T helped me to unpack groceries and move the dishwasher.
Made me coffee as I needed to rest my arm.
It was beginning to ache.
I seriously have considered chopping my arm off.
Not really but in the half fantasizing way just to make the pain stop.
Yet truthfully I have nothing at all to complain about.
I will get this back under control.
I will determine best course of preventative measures and follow them.
I will tell cocky Jay to stuff her head up her ass and back off.
There are people out there who every single day…..
every hour…..
every minute…..
every second…..
there is no respite…..
to pulsating
To those of you who fight a daily battle with pain I salute you.
Because the strength that you must have…..
the will……
the determination to not let the pain be who you are…..
I was a sullen mess after two and a half months of pain.
I can only imagine what a wicked mess I would be if it was constant day in and day out.
I would not have the same sunny disposition that I have now.
©March 8/21
Pictures are my own
GIF via Pinterest

Woop Woop Woop Woop

This week has been a bit of a trying one for me.
The homework.
The crying.
The nagging.
It is enough to drive a person to drink.
Yes I am making a joke about it.
Because truth be told this week is one that would have sent me running to the LC before.
Make another pot of coffee.
Read posts.
Play games of my phone.
Calm down and still see the humor that is my life as a working mom.
Beginning Monday T will now be going to school every day.
On his off track day he will be in the Catch Up Room.
Unable to see anyone.
Until his work is caught up.
I make it sound like he is going to be in jail but he won’t be.
He is actually looking forward to going to school and I am happy he is going to get his work done.
We had another tete a tete the other day.
In which I stormed off after telling him that regardless of how he felt school needed to be done.
He needed to catch up on the work that he had fallen behind on.
I sat on my bed in the dark scrolling through FB deep breathing when I hear ‘mama mama?’
Grumpily I asked what as T sidled around the door frame holding his work book out like a shield.
He was asking me for help.
We sat down and worked on it together.
At the end of it he was rattling off numbers like there was no tomorrow.
I did allow a cut off given that the next set of questions were things such as 678=blank plus 13.
In the head.
Nah too much for this little brain of mine.
When I arrived home last night I turned car off and crept around to the back and tried to peer in his bedroom window.
Yes I totally know how it sounds and that I would have been hard pressed to explain to the cops what I was doing.
When I left for work yesterday I told T no t.v. and no X box until I got home.
And all his work had best be done.
I was foul humored yesterday.
Some moments I laughed.
For most part I was silently killing people off in my head.
I do not recall if I had anger issues with PMS as a younger person but holy hell if I did I am surprised I am not in jail.
For the most part would never have guessed I was not in a great mood.
Except for the people I confided in.
I swear there were lasers coming out of my eyes but as no one dropped to the floor screetching I believe it is safe to safe there were not.
Original idea was to come home and get T.
Go back and get the grocery shop done.
No way was I doing that last night.
I grabbed a few things before leaving and drove home.
Was nearly in an accident when the jackass doing 40 when I go to pass him jerks over in front of me.
I threw him/her the finger as I drove by.
Yes that is how angry I was.
I came in the house and dumped the first of the groceries.
Well cat food and litter.
My bag.
Went back for the drinks and chicken.
We sell the best rotisserie chicken ever so that was supper last night.
With Caesar salad.
T.V. on.
Dishes on counter still.
Deep breath.
Before I could say anything T launched into his litany of jobs done:
-Cleaned the bathtub using loofah and Tilex Bathroom Cleaner.
-He could not get the pitted stuff off he scrubbed though. Relieved to discover it is the bathtub pitting.
-Cleaned the toilet using Dill dressing that we did not like.
-Actually he dumped it down the toilet because we were never going to eat it.
-Dishes were put in dishwasher.
-He had vacuumed.
-All clothes were in the washer.
-He had wiped the sides of the toilet down.
I was very impressed with him.
Proud and told him so.
We have a bit of the times tables to due and ELA error thing to correct again.
Who uses that many damn commas in their writing?
In one paragraph there were nearly 30 commas.
Willy nilly that writer was tossing commas out like they were common rather than sparse and rare.
The pain has returned in my shoulder.
This is a result of my having to cashier more this week in a larger till as a fill in.
Today am going to talk to my supervisor about being in the smaller tills this morning and afternoon.
And now to leave all with a chuckle.
I woke up and had to go to the bathroom last night.
Stumbled out.
Decided I wanted a cookie and took the last wagon wheel.
Laying in bed in the dark eating my cookie trying to cool off because I was hot hot hot when I hear:
Woop Woop Woop Woop!
I screamed and kicked the cat at the end of my bed.
Covered my face with my hands and cookie.
T is crying he is laughing so hard.
Wants to know what was so scary.
I did not have my glasses on but I know his movements.
He sounds and acts exactly like Zoidberg from Futurama.
And who expects Zoidberg to show up outside their bedroom door??????
Have a Fabulous Friday everyone!
©March 5/21
Picture is my own
Video via Youtube