New Reality

*****As of Dec. 23rd I am going to have been pill free for two years. Truth is my life began that day. I look forward to continued growth and acceptance of my faults and watch with wonder and excitement as a woman rebuilding herself. My poetry is going to be a reflection of that. I won’t post this every day but I am in count down until my 2 year anniversary. 12 more days to go.*****
Tidal wave
breaking over my head
tossing
tumbling
dragging me down
no where to go
vision clouding
pain
all encompassing
no break
no change
day after day
my heart bleeds.
Challenge is acceptance.
Accepting my faults.
My sorrows.
My past.
Choosing forward march.
Choosing life.
Choosing to let go
to return to the wonder I was
before……
Depression became a way.
Addiction was how I coped.
Love was a chip to barter
body used to in slick desperation
needing to be……
someone I was not.
Someone I could hate
pour all my venom into
making myself murky
compliant
ignoring the truth
because it was easier to deal with.
Time came
climax roared
to its final destination.
Live or die.
My only choices.
I chose to live
for myself
for me…..
©Dec. 11/19
Picture is my own

Mistaken I am not

Count the mistakes
One
Two
Three
I do not have enough fingers
Nor toes
To count all my mistakes
Few are regrettable
Mistakes are how you learn and grow
So embrace them I do
Learn from them I shall
Never
Never ever
Will the regrets pass these lips
For though a lesson in life
When faced with my own idiocy
It is better to forget
Mistakes though
That is life
Throwing you a curve ball
Which leads to a choice:
Catch it or move out of the way.
Always catch
That is my motto
Even if my fingers sting
And tears gather in my eyes
Moving out of the way
That is no longer an option
Mistakes
Sometimes funny
Sometimes sad
Most times fixable
When not
Rumination is deep
Pondering how to learn
Even as my face burns
From embarrassment
No longer am I utterly shamed
By the mistakes I have made
Let’s face it
I’m only 47
There will be a lot more
And when they come
I will grow and learn
For I really enjoy
The person I am becoming.

© Nov. 12/19
Picture is my own

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