****8 Days****

I see you there.
Peeking around the corner
whimpering when I catch sight
wanting to disappear
wanting to hide
but I know you are there
come into the light.
Lank hair
desperate eyes
pallid pallor
tears seep
curled inward
blackness coiling around
tethering you….
to anger
to pain
to horror
blinding you
unwilling you were to see.
No one wants that nightmare.
No one wants to live in the dark.
Take my hand
feel my embrace
I am so sorry I left you for so long.
You must have been scared
not understanding
kept
like a dirty secret
of which no one talks.
Come stand with me
meld with me
for you are I
I am you.
Without you
without your pain…..
my pain
my addiction
my rage…..
Beautiful woman
come into the light
let go
raise our eyes to sunlit skies
for we are one.
I had to leave you alone
it took me awhile to return
yet here I am
here you are
baby we will succeed!
©Dec. 15/19
Picture is my own

New Reality

*****As of Dec. 23rd I am going to have been pill free for two years. Truth is my life began that day. I look forward to continued growth and acceptance of my faults and watch with wonder and excitement as a woman rebuilding herself. My poetry is going to be a reflection of that. I won’t post this every day but I am in count down until my 2 year anniversary. 12 more days to go.*****
Tidal wave
breaking over my head
tossing
tumbling
dragging me down
no where to go
vision clouding
pain
all encompassing
no break
no change
day after day
my heart bleeds.
Challenge is acceptance.
Accepting my faults.
My sorrows.
My past.
Choosing forward march.
Choosing life.
Choosing to let go
to return to the wonder I was
before……
Depression became a way.
Addiction was how I coped.
Love was a chip to barter
body used to in slick desperation
needing to be……
someone I was not.
Someone I could hate
pour all my venom into
making myself murky
compliant
ignoring the truth
because it was easier to deal with.
Time came
climax roared
to its final destination.
Live or die.
My only choices.
I chose to live
for myself
for me…..
©Dec. 11/19
Picture is my own
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