Staying Through

I try so hard to pretend

that the pain and illusions

they mean nothing to me

not in the grand scheme of things.

I try so hard to walk away

to let the grief and despair

become a part of my landscape

and not find a space in my heart.

I want to not feel

to not surrender to the pain

that spears through my being

when I think of you

and how you will go.

I was never suppose to fall in love

never suppose to see your soul.

We were together for a brief period

and it came to be so much more.

I lay in your arms,

silent tears soaking your skin

as we pretend that nothing is remiss

that this will not be the last time.

Why do I always want?

Why do I always fall hard for the men

that will only walk away?

Never staying through

to slay the dragon and find the princess

asleep in the tower.

I watch you walk away

never turning to see

the silent grey figure

standing with tear stained cheeks

my hand held out to you.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Oct. 29/17

 

Final Good-bye

Every love song suddenly resonates

filling me with joy.

Every song of loss and despair 

fills me with melancholy.

I sit beneath the fat summer moon

watching the waves ebb and flow.

The stars above a glittering heaven,

and I no longer have any doubt.

My heart is no longer mine to control,

it has leapt from my chest to your hands.

Can you feel the hesitant beating?

Can you feel how fragile it is?

Juggle not with the heart that you hold

for it is the only one I have.

Too many times I have given out my trust

only to have it turn to ashes at my feet.

And when the time comes that you leave.

And you will leave.

They always do.

Promise me this:

Be kind to that heart that you hold.

Thrust deep and hard,

looking into my eyes,

when we say our final good-bye.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Oct. 22/17

 

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