Tamed

Filigree
gold
silver
laced together
form a chain
wound tight around my frame.
Holding me.
Capturing me.
Imprisoning me.
Scalding tears
soak the sheer cloth I wear
striping away
lies
illusions
fantasies 
grown under summer sun.
I struggle to break free.
The chain becomes entangled
knotted
warped
an ever tightening pressure
I fight against.
Breathing heavily
scared
determined
I must be gone
before master comes home.
Too late
I hear the key in the lock
there he stands
frown upon his face.
‘My little butterfly
why do you continue to try to fly?’
Chain smoothed by touch.
No longer unable to breath.
Head hung in shame.
I have been tamed.
December 9/18
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
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Decision

Memories
flood
all I have left
better times
not laced with tears
fears
deception.
I still want you.
I miss you.
I know my worth.
Yet you…
you bring me to my knees.
I would do anything
to feel your lips
your arms
your body pressed to mine.
Friends
stare
incredulous
what the hell?
How can I forget?
How can I not know myself?
Taken by the shoulders
shaken
slap me upside the head
voices battering….
me?
Shutting down.
Wrapped in the corner
arms around
face shuttered
hidden
black shadows dancing
howling
let me hide under the bed.
I want to be.
I want to live.
I want to decide
Do I live?
Do I die?
How do I make this hurt disappear?
Stepping back
find the boundary
set the stakes
you want me
come
crawl
beg
still not sure I should not forgive.
I need to think
I need to decide
another chance
or do I say good-bye?
December 6/18
Picture is my own taken Summer of 2017

Beast

Words.
Spoken.
Violent
vicious
inane
hurtful
slash my soul.
Are you looking to get out tonight?
I see you
see me
see that fucking reality?
You care not.
Believing
I will always crawl back.
I will not.
My tears
rubbed clear
you hate me
so it seems
when you look the other way.
Anger you feel?
Rage sears my thoughts.
I am better than she.
Fuck me.
Fuck her.
Fuck you.
Started from the bottom
flipping the finger
all came here.
Follow the flagstones
dripping droplets
liquid
crimson
shoulders shrugged
who understands
which one
which is it
which
path am I to follow?
Give
take
watch out baby
you
me
truth
love
we see….
does not matter.
Voices
unrepentant
unresponsive
all I know.
I make you….
feel
hurt
ache
make….
omg
what do I do?
How do I fake
feelings?
Love.
Desire.
Hate.
I hear the words.
I see the truth.
I feel the pain.
Tongue torn loose
words swallowed
I will not become that beast.
December 7/18
Picture is one of my own taken Summer 2017

Always You (Love Poem)

Standing along the shore line
tiny wavelets licking my toes
mauve
purple
golden
the sunset.
I see you in the distance
walking towards
my heart skips a beat
as I know
I will be in your arms tonight.
promoting me
encouraging me
helping me
to be the best woman
the one you know exists
beneath the bluster
fear
and pain.
Loving
trusting
desiring
lost within your eyes.
You are my first thought
my last thought
every thought in between.
When good things happen
you are the first to hear.
When bad things happen
you are the first to know.
Love walked in
slamming that door open
banging it against the wall
at a time when
I was so sure I was broken.
So many times
so many chances
fate keeps getting in the way.
I run to you
water splashing
caring not as I get soaked to the skin.
You gather me
picking me up
as we do a silent dance.
Within your arms there is hope.
Within your heart there is love.
Within our future
a story to be built.
Always you.
Forever.
Eternal.
A flame burning bright.
Always it will be you.
December 5/18
Picture is one of my own taken Summer 2017

Shrieking Shrew

Lies
dripping poison
making me scream
why are you such an ass?
Venom
lick my lips
flick my tongue
watch as you writhe in pain.
No hurt
no tears
no emotions
oh dear
turns out that I know not how to love.
Bloated fears
wicked temper
blood red vision
contemplating the sin.
Shrieking shrew
raging
spewing spittle
became a joke
to you and her.
head bowed in shame
in distaste
not my finest moment
not my finest anything.
I am not the woman
staring out of the mirror at me.
Red eyed Medusa
snakes hissing
striking
poised on the edge
I have become rabid…….
this is not who I am.
December 1/18

Ashes

The taste of ashes
on my tongue
my heart
shattered by cruelty
my mind knows not where to go
except that the pain I feel
is now a part of me
it cannot be undone.
Walked into my world
stole my breath
my desire
made the ice around thaw
I melted.
You gave to me so much
is that the problem?
Do I scare you?
Do I make you want to run?
It seems that I have a talent for that.
Promises made
promises broken
feel the fool do I.
What was sworn
pledged
turned to tatters
in less than a heartbeat.
How do I trust again?
How can I look at you
without seeing
feeling
the betrayal?
Cold
so cold am I
my heart
recaged
never will I love again.
November 16/18

Dusted Dreams

It was meant to be a dream
a farce
never meant to go further.
Yet it did.
Here we stand
at a crossroads
we must decide
whether to go forward
or turn around
walk back the way we came
to never explore
ascertain
that we could have made it work.
I sit here
tears free falling
mourning the loss
of innocence
trust
love
heart breaking
shattering
destroyed
by one single act.
Our lives
unsure
that it can go back
to what we had
to what we shared.
Love given freely
trust brokered
gone
single snap of the fingers
I want to scream
‘It just isn’t fucking fair!’
This was my dream.
I have had to watch
as it crumbled
sandcastles in the sky
washed away by
treachery and deceit.
Picking up the pieces of my heart
locking them away
jeweled casket.
I will eat the key
give it to no one
shuttered forever more
against love
against wants
against dreams.
Dreams are meant to be broken
not lived.
November 19/18
Photo by Joel Pilger on Unsplash