Haunted Heart

Yearning
fingers reaching
bells chiming
message arrives
breath catches
is it true
does he want you?
Hide shy smiles
eyes bright with laughter
warmth arising
arms pulling you close
if this is a dream
please do not let it end.
Awakening
alone once more
figment of your imagination
a tale woven
to keep the darkness at bay.
Plod through each day
grey
unappealing
alone
heartache ever constant
is there no cure?
Drizzling rain
stand
getting soaked through
tears cannot be seen
mixed with the pouring from the sky.
Love songs on repeat
endless declarations
places to be
places to go
places to meet your lover at will.
Silence lingers long on the tongue
whispers heard 
made to come undone
wrapped within scarlet ribbons
loveless
lifeless
alone……
©August 16/19
Picture found on Pinterest
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Word of the Day Challenge #47-Untitled Poem

Passive
I sit
watching
waiting
wondering
who will I choose next?
With whom shall I…..
ply
play
plunder
taking unto me a life force
never freely given.
Image
fluid
every changing
chameleon…..
I am not the same woman every night…..
I am not the same woman as was in your bed last night…..
I am not the same woman who woke in your arms this morning…..
I am…..
Your fantasy.
Your nightmare.
Your fancy.
I fabricate
prevaricate
feign kindness
desire
love
lust……
all to draw you in
close the trap
make you mine
locked in a box.
I utter the words:
‘Til death do us part.
None have lasted longer than a week
shall we set the clock
tick tock
for your death my dear?’
©Aug. 1/19
Picture cia Pinterest

Word of the Day Challenge #46-Untitled Poem

No one gave you the throne
you stole it
placing upon your head
a crown of thorns
of brambles
biting
melding with
your wretched brow.
‘Bend your knee
Kiss the ring’
all words you chose to sing.
Fool I was
sucked in
bought so cheaply
false words
fraudulent declarations
of love…..
of life …..
of future…..
I was blind.
Denying
the mirage I knew was there
choosing……
to ignore
to discount
black pit yawning
deep within.
Facade slowly crumbles
spell broken
I have to wonder
what need had I
that you filled?
Rose colored lens
scratched
reality bleeds in
and I see…….
when adoration falls
when truth is seen
unadorned
braggart
bastard
egocentric…..
I walk away.
Head held high.
No longer thrumming
no longer driving
no longer in my veins
the addiction I had
the hunger you fed
gone
to bother me no more.
©July 31/19
Picture is my own taken summer 2017

Moonlit Wonder

When I was a young  girl
mama warned me
showed me true
all would try to use me
to get what they want.
Sweet words
cooed in my ear
slowly stroking my hair
feeling your hand
(all hands)
caress my curves.
Made to feel safe
made to feel secure
your promises
wrapped in golden ribbons
bubble around
protecting me from the world.
(First razor word
sliced through my heart)
Crimson blood wells
anger
rage
black
foul
turns like a knife
battlefield on my skin
mouth your inanitites
eyes flat
broken
your lies float in the air
tangible.
(There is no escape
there is no where to run
I will find you always
promised on the wind)
One…..
Two…..
Three…..
Twenty-Nine…..
Forty…..
Forty One.
I thought for sure
as I record your name
in my Book of Death
that you were the end
only to discover
that mama was right
men should never be trusted.
©July 29/19
Picture via Pinterest

Emotionless…..I wish

I wonder 
I do
what is wrong with me?
Why do you come
only to run
once you have seen the real me?
Headstrong
just one of my features.
Delicate
emotional
head full of dreams.
Fantasies built
when I should know better
for never has anyone cared
long enough to hold my hand
to learn what it is about me
that draws them in
then chases them away.
Sadness
just one emotion I feel daily.
I give so much.
I tell myself
forewarned is forearmed
not this girl
I just fall.
Fall…..
fall…..
twist and turn
there is no way free.
Loneliness
I smile 
no one knows.
Grey mist shrouding
I walk……
alone
this path I tread
the same always since childhood.
Always have I cared for myself
yet once I want for someone…..
someone who will care for me
make me their priority.
Love
a wish flung to the stars
made on birthday candles
never shall I find.
©July 11/19
Picture via Pinterest

In My Arms….One more Time

I have watched the light grow dim in your eyes
as the energy fades away.
Never knew that pale pink skin
touched by loving hands
can take on such a gray pallor.
Your body is failing
there is nothing I can do
other than sit
your hand in mine
sleep more so than awake
which is good
for you cannot
will not
shall not
ever see the tears that I cry
as I wait my darling
for you to take your last breath.
Sinuous whisper
a gentle caress
I hold you tight in my arms
loving you
forever and always
even when you have left me behind.
Life ebbs away
I can see your spirit dissolve
a slight smile on your face
as pain recedes
even though I am dying
my beloved
why must you go?
I have no drive
no need
no desire
to continue on with this life
when you my dear
are cold
so far away
even when I can feel your embrace
diaphanous
strong
your voice in my ear
telling me I can go on.
Tears.
I sit next to your grave
hand resting slightly on the soil
wishing that for one more time
I could hold you in my arms.
©July 2/19
Picture via Pinterest
***This poem was inspired by loss and grief.***
Not my own but from conversations with others who have lost loved ones.

Cold as Ice

Longing to
needing to
wanting to……
lead me around the garden gate
using words of glory
of love
of admiration
to turn my head
to turn my heart
to make me believe once more in love.
I hate that I am this weak
that I am filled with desire
craving your soul
needing your presence
to feel whole.
I do not want this.
I do not need this.
I reject the whole premise of affairs
wrapped in cotton candy
head above the clouds
dreaming of times better
brighter
filled with you…..
your touch
your hands
your scent
scare away the imps
carving up my heart
handing out pieces to be eaten.
Rain falls
erasing the words you spoke
cold embraces me
pulling me in
pulling me under
so I can forget the words you proposed.
Speared through to the core
watching you walk away
holding my heart in your hands
bleeding from wounds…..
you pierced me
you laughed at me
you took my love for granted
turning it into a cesspool
from which I shall never arise.
©June 29/19
Picture via Pinterest