Me and T

While on holidays I spent some time with the ex’s fiancee. Same with last Thursday when T switched my tires for me. And during this time I learned thar T decided he was changing careers to become a red seal mechanic and also he is on his phone after 11.

And when I made the comment that that foes not happen here, she just smiled like I was a little naive. Which admittedly got my back up a little.

So yesterday morning I was Journaling and realized a) I did not know any of T’s friends, b) did I know his favorite color? C) why do I not know about the planned career change. I cried my eyes out thinking I was actually a ahittyy mom, not a good mom like I believe.

I tried telling myself not to he ridiculous. That he loves me. But jealousy reared it’s ugly head.

Plus the comment that when they build the Fiancee is trying to get the ex to put a pond in. So T and his friends can hang out there.

So my heart was a little raw. I mean I cried on V at work. I talked to K about it too. And she set me straight.

‘Jay I bet my mom felt the same way you are right now. Looking back on it I can see how my confiding in my stepmother must have really bothered her. But I did not see her as the great mama bear that I so loved and admired my mom for. But my mom did not know that.’

It made me feel better and again I know T loves me but the head and heart are tricky characters to deal with.

I explained to T that I get jealous of him and the Fiancee. That it has nothing at all to do with him and everything to do with my own insecurities.

Somewhere deep down inside, I am still afraid that the people I love will leave me.

Good Day

Today was an amazing day.

I got lots accomplished at work. Lots.

Came home, tidied up and did my work out.

Today is week 5 of completing 150 minutes of exercise in a week. That is the bare minimum that I allow myself. The fact I have done so for 5 weeks now makes me so proud of myself. I feel great too.

All in all today was an amazing day. Now I am going to spend my evening relaxing and working on some papers I have. Make some supper.

I love summer. I love energy. I love me.

I am extremely grateful for my life and all the joys in it.

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