Safe Haven

It has been said
more than once
that getting to know me
understand me
see beyond me
is a challenging feat.
I seal my lips
asking question
after question
so I need not answer yours.
I fear to open up
panic to think
I must let anyone in
for should they realize
the darkness
the terror
the pain
that I keep buried inside
they weill cease to love me.
How can that be?
People who are meant to love me
have walked away
ran
from me
when the dark came out to play.
leaving me bereft
alone
disheartened.
although with you
I am beginning….
to talk
to share
to show my depth
for within you
within your arms
I have found a safe haven.
Sept. 24/18
Photo by Evgeniy Koryakin on Unsplash
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Promises

Eyes weeping blood
face shrouded in pain
lips twisted with broken desires
her back bent again.
He promises each time
that it will be his last
sobbing
grasping
hugging her around the waist.
She strokes his head
whispers soft assurances
knowing
fearing
that it will happen again.
No matter how obsequious
no matter if dinner is made
his whisky in hand
as she waits at the door.
The fist will lash
cracking bones
the boots will strike
head bouncing off the floor.
Still she waits
she fears
for should she leave
he will hunt her down
killing her for real this time.
Sept. 23/18
Photo by Chau Luong on Unsplash

Choices

This is a continuation of River Styx, Desert Red, Waste/Safe Land, Harlequin and My Knight.
We travelled
mostly in silence
chirps of birds
chittering of squirrels
sometimes the only sound I heard.
I sensed
felt
knew
that somehow I disappointed
this gentle giant.
I did not know how
nor what I could do
to rectify my mistakes.
We avoided cities
towns
any sign of civilization
until the abuse done to me
physical abuse
had healed.
The scars on my mind
woke me
screaming in the night
from nightmares
where Harlequin still ruled.
He began to train me.
Sword.
Knife.
Skulking.
Shadow hopping.
Every conceiveable way
I could now
protect myself from harm.
I woke one morning
to find him gone
disappeared
into the mists of my past.
I walked alone
ruing my mentor‘s departure
for I still did not know……
where I was?
who I was?
what journey
what choices must I make?
Sept. 18/18
Photo by Anders Nord on Unsplash

Waste/Safe Land

***This poem is a continuation from River Styx and Desert Red
Travelling the desert
a hundred days
I felt sand
scouring
flaying
devouring
flesh from my bones
molding
forming
another me.
Peddlar man
quiet
plodding along
but inherently
seeking oasis after oasis
as I needed rest.
he refused to answer
any
all
cajoling
questions.
Shaking his head
not in annoyance
more like a parent indulging their child.
We crested that last sandhill
my mouth fell open
a silent o
as before us
spread out
a verdant sea
tears spilling down my face.
Sept. 15/18
Photo by Robert Lukeman on Unsplash

Believe

Broken
I decided that I could take no more
allow no one any closer
for I could no longer
take the pain.
Torment
heartache
tears
so so many tears
that allowed me no release
from my broken past.
Than you.
You took my hand
you took my lips
you took my entirety
finding a place in my life.
not always wearing a cape
not always rushing into danger
can be that one person
who makes you believe again.
Sept. 11/18
Photo by TK Hammonds on Unsplash

Near You

You have pushed me
pulled me
moved me from the staid
to the exciting.
Watching
my head thrown back
hair tossed by the wind
I wrap my legs around your waist
my screams of delight
echo in your ear.
Never have I felt so alive
never so connected
as I do with you.
Those who do not understand
watch as we speed by
uncertain what to say.
joyous
happy
all this and more
is felt when I am near you.
Sept. 8/18

I will…..

Standing atop the mountain
staring down
above clouds skitter across the sky
below
a fall that could mean death
unless I trust I can soar.
My tongue is swollen
words I wish to say
locked in
my throat closes
leaving me breathless.
My heart hammers
pounding
against my ribs
a hand
reaching within
squeezing
ripping it without.
Fall too fast
fall too far
always told to not be rash
to bide my time
to furl in my desires
all will come eventually.
Leaping before I look
before I gauge the situation
trusting myself.
I will fly.
I will fall.
I will be caught.
I will find my truth.
It is out there
waiting on me.
Sept. 7/18
Photo by Mike Wilson on Unsplash