Untitled Word of the Day Poem #21

I was ready…..
ready to say
holy fuck
not only did you make my day
you made my year
my everything….
Asshole.
Forbidden
I have been
from allowing  you
back into my life
my segments…..
I was told no.
Not only my circle
rally around
there is another
showing me my worth
my destiny.
This could have been your quest.
But…..
well…..
 I was not good enough.
Is it really greener?
That grass
on the other side of the fence?
Is it really a brighter emerald??
Tell me true.
As you stand
barrier
simple fence
enough to cage a sheep
caught you in a trap
I thought you were smarter than that.
Was it worth it?
I am not like the others…..
Fuck no
talk …..
admit
talk ….
to me
seriously?
I can no longer bend.
Bow
I am done.
I loved you.
I love you,
I wanted to help.
I want to help.
I wanted to lessen your burden.
But…..
well……
Hi…..
Over here…..
good bye.
I….
I love you….
I speak words of disgrace
throw the synonyms
while your vowels penetrate
my skin.
Crimson tears
heart scarred
will I ever trust again?
 
Feb. 17/19
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Untitled Poem Word of the Day #17

I clung to those memories
hoarding
pawing 
breathing fire on
like a dragon 
in its den.
I never thought to go forward
I only stayed in the past
where memories
should be looked upon
fondly
kindly
sweetly
not with a singular obsession
like I had.
Driven
unable to release you
unable to release the dream
finally
I realized
I was only hurting myself.
How I found the strength
to finally let you go
release my heart
come back to me
I will never know.
I bow my head
in reverence
for the love we did share.
I must let go
for the sake of my sanity.
Good bye. 
 
Feb. 8/19

Rose Colored Glasses

A blanket of fresh snow
squeaking beneath my feet
crisp air
frost on the trees
a chilling beauty
as I walk along.
Memories
hard
fast
attack
left 
right 
from the heart.
I cannot stop them.
I do not want to stop them.
Even as tears sidle
freezing on rosy cheeks
I glut myself
upon these remembrances.
Summer sun
fast cars
time of my life.
I fell in love
(still so much in love)
opened my heart
my soul
my secret self
giving you everything
while you…..
took 
and took….
and took some more…..
bleeding me dry
of emotion
faith 
trust in me.
Rose colored glasses
perched on my nose
unable to see
regardless 
that all others could
how toxic
you and me were.
 
 
Feb. 6/19
Photo by Rory Hennessey on Unsplash

Figment

I lay within my lover’s arms
attending the steady heart beat
held tight against the midnight storm
of nightmares 
and drooling beasts.
A gentle hand does caress
pulling sheets close
a summer breeze
dancing over bare skin
as he tilts my head to kiss.
I see the love that shimmers there
I feel it in how he speaks
the low rumble of his voice 
within my chest
making me complete.
With eastern sky beginning to pink
I struggle to stay awake
but sleep does pull 
and eyes do close 
assured that I am safe. 
I stretch my limbs 
contented sigh
hand reaching out to feel…..
cold space is all I find
as you are nothing…..
A figment
a dream slipping
a fantasy 
a man unfound
except 
within the imaginings  of my mind.
 
January 31/19

Untitled Relationship Poem #5

***This poem was written last year during Nov/Dec period. Reworked today***
I allowed it.
I allowed you
to maim me
to bite me
to shred my heart.
There was no breaking in two
it disintegrated.
pain unlike any…..
Any…..
Do you see that?
Any…..
I had felt before.
I stood beneath full moon
lashes glittering with tears
unable to comprehend
bewildered I am
for you seem to be blaming me?
It took a bit
but colors bleed true
slashes of fabric
please release me.
All told me
your actions
are louder than words.
Never thought it true.
You have proved me wrong.
I regret
having thought you were different
that you were…..
maybe Prince Charming…..
my own love story…..
when all you are is a farce.
I do not regret
having allowed you into my life
though you made me bleed
opened my heart
learned I could love
find the right partner again.
Too bad
So sad
Guess you have no one to blame.
Oh wait
Yes you do
Yourself
While I…..
I learn to be free.
January 30/19

Lost

I am lost.
I am found.
Beggers wish
my knees would hit the ground.
Supplicant
beholden
burning fires within
stoked
rage
despair
hatred.
Reaching out with chains
bounding
wrapping
staging your game…
no where shall you go
no where shall you pass
I guard
the virginal soul.
Send not your dart.
Dodging
tying to evade
pricked in the leg
pain
weary
desolation
flood my very being
tears soaking
dripping
filming my gaze.
My lips move
espouting
love
desire
truth
reality.
Falling to the floor
falling through the floor
escaping
fleeing
running
screams following me.
oh wait
they are my own.
January 27/19
 

Melancholy

Melancholic love song
floating on the air
wisps of music
taunting my ear.
He is under my skin.
He is in my head.
He is always in my heart.
I do not understand
what is it about me that
cannot let him go?
What is it about him?
In my dreams
in my thoughts
fool am I
for loving him still.
I wonder
when he reads my words
does he laugh?
Or does it hurt him
the way it hurts me?
He haunts my dreams.
The worst of it is…….
I really do not know
if the words I write
mean anything.
Happy thoughts
of him…..
of me…..
  beneath the summer suns.
January 25/19