Protector

Once more
a fool I have been
allowing my heart
my hopes
to arise
to fill me
moron that I am.
One would think
nay
one who is smart
would know
to ignore the stubborn heart
those emotions
the feelings
remembering pain
anguish
when the heart broke anew
again
(and again
and again.)
Sitting here
sight blurred
veil of tears
aching
realizing
I have played my foolish game.
Allowing you behind the curtain
allowing you to see me
the one
hidden behind the public facade
none know the secrets I hide.
You made me
(make me)
feel safe.
I opened
(open)
myself to you.
Foolish woman I be.
Time has come
to be undone
to lock
throw away the key
protect myself
from…..
me.
©June 13/19
Picture via Pinterest
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Not for You

You wrapped me in silk
pampered
loved
put me in the clouds
made me to feel as Queen
when in reality
I was only a cheap stopping place.
Fantasies
rose colored glasses
hunger so deep.
I needed to be made to feel
as though I was the first
the only choice.
One made with thought
insight
understanding
do not make promises you cannot keep.
I was not…..
First.
A thought.
You never saw inside of me
read the print of my skin
heard my truth.
I became one more in a long line of……
acquisitions
notches upon the bed posts
fool that I was
thinking
dreaming that I was your last one.
Rage
black
boiling
searing blood
sizzling in my veins
head thrown back
screaming in vain.
Love has turned…..
from sunshine blossoms
a wiping of my mind
of my memories.
So long
goodbye
never again will I cry.
Not for you.
©June 11/19
Picture via Pinterest

Day…..After Day

High above
stars paint the sky
dead pricks of light
incapable of producing wish fulfillment
no matter how much one hopes.
Fingers crossed
toes too
luck must come to me…..
I never broke a mirror.
I never walked beneath a ladder.
I found a four leaf clover.
Magic…..
right?
I loath to give up
to admit to defeat
that reality is the truth
there is no wonder left to discover.
No dancing under the waves.
No dancing above the clouds.
Grey
bleak
empty life
day…..
after day…..
after day.
Skies once colored rose and gold
a world full of joy
of beauty
I danced then
I spun dreams
believing
wanting the fairy tale ending.
Grey dust
empty husk
broken
shattered
day…..
after day…..
after day…..
til death do me part.
©June 10/19
Picture via Pinterest

Word of the Day Challenge Poem #34 (Untitled)

I am the voice
calling your name
begging you
to come find me
come be with me
my handsome lover.
I am the warm body
nestled in your arms
purring
sated
as you hold me here.
I am sensuous heat
spiraling throughout
head to toe
wrapped around
guide you into my core.
I am venom
ingested
poison in your veins
sneer upon my lips.
Vengeance
searing
incandescent rage
reaping what has been sown.
Stiletto
stabbing
slashing
cruel derision
you have chosen this fate.
Blood bubbles
body tumbles
laying at your feet.
darling
kiss my corpse
death as always
my companion of choice.
©June 5/19

Forever Yours

I see you
the beast within
stirring
drooling
slitted eyes
hunting for your prey.
Baying at the moon
hungry for power
hungry for desire
hungry for lust
all consuming
a fire at your touch.
I supplicate myself at your feet
throat bared
hands bound
I am yours
to take
to use
to love
as you will.
I will love you back.
Nestled in your arms
satiated
purring in delight
luxuriating
in your pleasure
bodies still aglow.
Your tongue licks my skin
your hands play a concert
delicious shiver up and down my spine.
Take me now.
Take me how.
Take me forever……
Always I will bend….. 
always will I be…..
yours.
©May 29/19
Picture via Pinterest

Black Breath

Dimly lit
hidden desires
soaked in whisky dreams.
Ice clicks
chimes
fall against the side of crystal
bells tolling for the pain.
Easy down
burning
right into the gut
warm embrace
head lolling back
never forget…..
this is a way out.
Agonizing remembrances
black out
shrill screams
why will they not get out?
Why do they cling
pierce my skin
roiling over me
making my dirty?
Haunted eyes
hallow inside
tears flow.
No one witnesses.
No one recognizes.
Bottle after bottle
hidden away
thrown away
too many to count..
Seductive beauty
charming mistress
dancing over my tongue.
Closing in.
Tender fingers tangle
turning my memories
my self-loathing
my disgust
into forgotten moments
wished forgotten when I awoke.
Disgusted mutterings
deeply felt hate
self serving cycle
beginning all over again.
©May 25/19

Awakening

Surreal
traipsing through alleyways
on the search
unsure what I hunt for
only knowing
it must be here.
Stalking
I wander lost
unable to get ahead
yet never falling behind.
Elusive
slipping like a shadow before
there goes my love
on the run again.
So abused this heart of mine
choosing to shelter in the pain
choosing damage over health
choosing…..
to be chained
to be locked 
to be shackled.
Hiding behind a door 
welded shut 
with bars across.
No one gets in.
No one gets out.
Gingerly I knock upon the door
worried at what I might find
a wisp of Hotel California
playing in my mind.
Bars fell
door unmagiced
opens
slowly I enter.
In the corner
no longer sobbing
is that small part of me
who still loves with abandon
who believes in beauty
who believes in the possibility of everything.
Vast smile on her face
she squeals
delighted to see me
ready to go.
I gather my love.
I gather my heart.
I leave behind sorrow.
I leave behind pain.
I leave behind the worst.
My love looks in
black night
shadows dancing
squeals and disappears.
I feel my heart bloom.
Sorry to say
my hospitality for my new tenets
was very poor
so they did decay
a small pile of ashes
with no power at all.
©May 21/19
Picture found via Pinterest by The Eclectic Contrarian.