Olly Olly Oxen Free

Corner
sitting
staring out the window
leaden sky
pregnant with cold
as is my soul
my heart
now that you are not home.
Spread your wings
little bird
soar free
whispered in my ear
a means to sending me away.
Pouting
glinted ire
ragged tears
hitched rage
pain
aching
never felt this way…..
Hollowed out
messed up in the head.
You complete me!
I screamed
Don’t you dare walk away!
You did
dare that is
anger did flare
stabbed you
again and again
until there was no heartbeat
no more conflict.
Sat in the corner
painted crimson red
now you are dead…..
I have fled…..
come out
come out
where ever you are…..
©Jan. 15/20
Picture via Pinterest

Passionless Warmth

Eyes glitter with tears
trickle soundless over my cheek
small
sad smile
upon my lips
never thought I would still hurt.
I glimpsed your face
brief
pain speared through my heart
stomach dropped
I danced back
did not want you to see me.
Empty ache
where once you held me true
slice away
emotions
blood red tide at my feet.
Head bowed
stumbling away
I want this pain gone
I want this never ending succession
of bad choices
to come to an end.
Crystalline heart shattered no more.
Personal choice
one some may understand not
going to turn these emotions off
so I no longer feel.
©Jan. 9/20
Picture via Pinterest

Triumphant

Dark abyss
toes curl over the edge
vertigo
looking over
should I fall
or back away.
Depths of blackness
clothed in hair shirt
chastising self 
sins not my own
muddied tears fall
so much easier to….. 
let go.
Eyes flutter open
heart
pounding
drenched in sweat
with fear.
Time I want not to return
time where I resided
died within
withered arms of deranged lover
who beat me
whispered
perverted words of love
I believed
for I had no one.
It took a leap
into ebony fissure
flowing liquid over cracked face
riding the wind
accepting
collecting
damaged parts of myself
amalgamating
into…..
flawed beauty.
Renewal of life
light
within
reaching for dreams
soaring
I am alive again.
©Jan. 2/20
Picture is mine

New Year…..New Me…..New Decade….New Everything

I watched the sun rise
faint pink blush
golden pulses fill the sky
hues of purple
sense of serenity
sense of peace
finally here
in my happy place.
I struggled.
I abused myself.
I tried to hide.
I am not that little girl.
I am not that frightened teenager.
I am not that beaten/destroyed woman.
No longer afraid…..
of what life has to offer.
To dream.
To love.
To chase what I want.
To be me…..
Writer.
Mother.
Daughter.
Sister.
There is more to me
than these four facets…..
there is adoration
there is pride
there is determination…..
I leave behind me
a decade/life time
of pain
of anger/rage
of despair
of thoughts no longer there.
I begin this New Year
this New Decade
strong
beautiful
and solely
100 %
Me.
©Dec. 31/19
Picture is my own

Charmed Monsters

Longing
yearning
ever so tired
grey is the day
this life
this path I trod.
Where is the light?
Where is the joy?
No Eden can I find.
The past…..
Free wheeling
dealing card after card
pain
humility
hungering
feeding upon the blackness
the evil
rooted within.
My past…..
No longer allowed to define
to dictate…..
Cut away
carve away
sword
epee
skewered to the ground
demons chained
eased with dosed medication
mine to do with as I will.
These daemons
still reside within
gentle murmurs
holding pain
holding fear
now my protectors
I need no longer beware.
Sanctuary found
hellions bound
labor of love.
This me
beauty and beast
all rolled into one.
©Dec. 30/19
Picture is part of my Positivity wall

Love’s Desire

Salt laden breeze
strokes my face
tender caress
memory
eyes closed
lips parted
scent of you
surrounds me.
Tear
unbidden
rolls over my cheek.
Smokey dreams
fade with the sunrise
ache
deep seated
pretending all is fine
ruby red lips
creased in fake smile
eyes heavy lidded
shuttered.
Sand
streams between fingers
night scent
leaning back
eyes land upon gleaming star
and
for but a moment
I wish
my dreams to come true
love for me
love for you
a blend of two souls…..
©Dec. 29/19
Picture is my own

Word of the Day Challenge #79-Untitled Poem

Woven
fantasies
dreams
of what I really want.
I try to deny
pretend
that love is an idea
not anything I am meant for.
Pain deflected
sly smile
shuttered eyes
I have released hope
allowed it to sail away
never to come back.
This heart of mine
colored black
barb wired sharp
honed to strike
asp bite
bitter tears cried
why
where did it
do I go wrong?
Why when I peek
let my fantasies through
love is first on the list
to hold
to have
to be desired
that is all I…..
taking a hiatus
following a path of my own
what come shall be of my own making
no more running
no more fleeing
I am opening myself to everything.
©Dec. 28/19
Picture is my own