It’s time for a Stay-cation!

Woke up this morning and for the first time in nigh on three weeks I am not in severe pain.
How did I manage to accomplish this at last?
A massaging ball and a son who was pressed into duty.
I have a ball with poky bits that vibrates.
Roll it around affected area and it kinda works.
Have someone else do the rolling and holy moly it works even better.
Also another perk today is a shift that is only 3 hours.
7 a.m. to 10 a.m.
And than?
This woman is on a week’s holiday.
I am so excited.
I have the floors to wash and a bathroom to clean.
After that I am good to do what holidays are for……relaxation.
My plans.
Read.
Write.
My goals.
Less screen time.
As in playing games/aimlessly scrolling Facebook or news feed.
As in having music playing as background as opposed to the television which is what I use now.
Speaking of goals.
T has come up with a new one.
Sunday his dad dropped him off and he sat on the couch with me.
At one point he looked at the time and made a comment about having spent an hour and a bit with me.
Me: Are you keeping track of the time we spend together?
T: Yeah. This way when you say that we have not spent any time together I can point out that we have.
This is a goal I can get behind.
Yesterday I got home from work and caught him in an after-school nap.
I nagged because the chores were not done.
T sat on the couch listening.
Finally he says to me:
Mom why can’t you celebrate the good I did in ELA today instead of telling me what I didn’t do?
Well as if that is no a bit of a sucker punch.
I do celebrate what you did today and am proud of you. However there are things you were asked to do that did not get done.
Mom it is my first day back after two weeks off.
Yes two weeks off. I worked eight hours. You did school for three. I win.
Mom just let me have today.
If I let you have today you will try to take tomorrow too.
No.
T it is up to me to teach you how to be responsible.
I don’t like responsibility.
You want to get a job. That is responsibility.
No mom I have changed my mind.
Seems like maybe someone is struggling with the arrival of teen-hood.
Right up until that conversation yesterday he has been bugging me to let him get a job.
Or the fact that his dad has a new friend with a small child who has taken a shine to T.
So much so that she was going in to wake him up to play with her.
As an only child I imagine this must be a bit of a shocker for him.
Especially since T was told he might have to babysit a little bit.
The other evening when T was home and we were sitting on the couch chatting I was rubbing cream into my hands.
Well now try and take a metal top off the water bottle.
It was not working.
We had also been talking about my back and walking.
Me (thrusting water bottle at T): Take it off!
T (taking bottle in confusion): Take what off?
Me: I can walk.
T: Take what off?
Me: I am not getting up and walking.
T: Mom what do you want me to take off? Your sweater? Your socks? Your slippers? My shirt? What??????
Me looking at him and bursting out with laughter.
Me: The lid on my water bottle.
I was gasping.
Tears rolling down my cheeks.
T is staring at me like I am insane.
Me (gasping): Omg I thought you were telling me to get up and walk before you took the lid off.
Holding my side my abs hurting I was still gasping for air.
T took the lid off my water bottle and left the room.
Yesterday we split the dishes chore.
I washed.
He dried.
We talked.
We laughed.
I discovered he is within a whisker of being the same height as me.
I look at this son of mine and am equal parts in awe of him and wondering at times how I birthed such a being.
But he is mine.
He has my sense of humor.
He is growing into his own sense of right and wrong.
He is learning.
Some days I wonder where the time has flown to.
He is growing so much.
So quickly.
The other night I apologized to him.
For my behaviour when I was drinking.
For my behaviour when I made him feel a man was more important than him.
I would give anything to be able to take that one back in spades.
He told me that I did not need to.
That he did not even remember the things I was mentioning.
But still…..
I had to apologize to him.
Because for a time I was really not that much of a mom to him.
That is all for me right now folks.
Emmie tends to be the one that is making the most appearances right now.
There are a few tales she would like to tell but as I have written nothing longer then poetry I am struggling a bit.
We have a whole week to spend together though so will see what the two of us come up with.
Oh lordy I better explain in case any did not read a previous post.
Emmie is not my second personality.
Emmie is her own with an adult version called Emmellia.
They are one in the same and reconciled.
They are a character that is developing and reaching out to me.
And a whole week with T.
Who tells me that he is so excited I am going to be home.
Um who took my son and replaced him with this new being?
I guess this is another step in his growing up.
Have a terrific Tuesday lovies.
©Jan. 5/21
Picture is my own

Emmie Untitled Poem #4

Wide eyed
waiting
knife thrusting into heart
safe place
security blanket
question asked
are you walking away?
Denial
can see
can feel
lie
sense it
floating on the air
blending into notes
balanced upon keyboard
melancholy
gritting teeth
not wanting anyone to see
that buried within
heart still beats
given again
to promise to be there
to promise not to hurt
and now…..
Tears
slip over lips
sight clouded
saying good bye
another person
who said
who promised
who swore
to never hurt
leaving again
because
unlovable
undesirable
curl back within
let forth a whimpered roar
turn
head down
walk away
it is easier
to ignore
knife twisting
once emotions are pushed aside.
©Jan. 4/21
Picture via Pinterest