Let The Proceedings Begin

19 years ago today the ex and I said ‘I do’.
We had been together 7 years already and he thought it was time to get married.
I went along for the ride although my heart was not really in it.
Not that I did not love him but I had sworn as a young girl I was never getting married after witnessing my parents marriage fall apart.
My reasoning was that if it ended there would be so much easier to walk away.
Within 6 weeks of my having said yes I was married.
This is also the year that my depression was first diagnosed.
Although it was before the marriage not after. 😂😂😂😂
We had good years and bad.
It was the way of any marriage only I was feeling stifled.
I was feeling unseen.
Disappearing into a mom/boss (at work)/wife there was no me any more.
My ex is not a bad man at all.
And he does his best to do right with me now.
When we were married I paid all the bills /loan/mortgage and he paid for groceries etc.
I was always stressed.
Slowly our marriage dissolved.
And then it ended.
We, he and I, have worked very hard to go from where we were when we split in 2016 to today 2021.
I can say he is one of my closest friends.
And I one of his depending on the month and the girlfriend. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
We can talk about everything and anything as well as co-parenting.
Today I have my first call with the lawyer.
To begin our divorce.
Talk about irony right there.
I am not going to lie I have cried a couple of times since making the phone appointment. 😢😢
This is the final little bit to making our lives totally separate.
It is an ending.
And endings are hard for anyone no matter how it comes about. 😞😞
©Sept. 14/21
Picture is my own

Word of the Day Challenge #105-Untitled Poem

Incensed
eyes see only blood
boiling
cheap laughter
cheaper perfume
whore on lap
eyebrow raised
lean against the wall
I wait.
Dance to your tune
monkey no more
slip through the smokey halls
eyes moving
passing over
I know who I search for.
I know only too well
where I will find you.
Heels clicking
deep shuddering breaths
bring self to control
nevermore
emotions manipulated by you
plague me
cold
ice in the veins
of a hot blooded woman
why did you want to break that?
I wait
dark arms of shadows wrap
until drunken stumble
fall in you did.
Brazen hussy
dispatched first.
You husband
your death
honor-less.
I shall grieve
as all widows do
public….. blacks worn
private…..silk against naked skin
as I rejoice
beast of burden
you are no more.
©June 9/20
Picture via Pinterest
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