1st Day of School

It finally arrived.
The first day of school.
Tember woke me at 5:10 a.m. to ask me if he could have his shower.
I said sure. 
Reset my alarm for 6.
Tember finishes showering and gets ready.
I must have dozed for 5 minutes. Maybe.
Now Tember wants to learn how to make coffee.
When he says step by step…..he means step by step.
 
Step One: Go and empty the reusable coffee filter. Rinse it out and…..
Mom stop I want to go do that.
Step Two: Put the now cleaned filter back in coffee pot and grind beans.
Mom? How many beans do I put in? How much water? How many scoops of?
I will just get up and do it.
No mom I want to do it.
 
I showered and when I came out coffee was made.
Tember had eaten breakfast.
We went over his school supplies and what he had as he packed his bag.
I made his lunch.
Plunked down with my coffee then remembered I needed to take our first day of school picture.
Which is when it happened.
He is so big.
We went to the bathroom and stood back to back.
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I measured him with the tape measure.
64″. 5’4″. 3″ to go and he is as tall as I am.
He went back to his room and I sat down and cried.
He is growing up.
So damn fast.
And I do not like it.
Also he is not a shooter…..he is a steady grower. 
 
Drop off time was 8:40.
Tember and I as usual didn’t get out the door until 8:37.
Sit in car. 
 
I just had a realization. 
Tember is so much more secure in himself than I am.
He took a pink ruler to school. 
He has two fingers painted with pink nail polish.
Why?
Because. 
That is all.
And yet I was worried what others would think.
I was worried that he might be made fun of.
Damn it all yet another step of his maturity.
Which as we all know is something I have always stressed to him.
His individuality.
Being true to himself.
And I tried to change that this morning.
 
Back to sitting in the car.
We are chatting away about how we are never on time.
I could have us ready to go by 8:30 and yet it will be 8:40 by the time we arrive at the car.
It is not that far of a walk.
Wonder of wonders we made all the lights.
It was awesome.
Then I arrived at the 4 way stop.
I have never seen a line up like that before.
Not for taking kids to school.
Rode the brake the whole time. 
Was directed where to go and what to do.
I did not understand. Arg
I felt like an absolute idiot.
I was waiting to turn when I happened to look at the vehicle passing in front of me. 
And I see the mom leaning forward. 
Muttering.
Looking exactly as I did. 
Uncertain.
All of us parents are going through the exact same feelings of helplessness.
Whether your child is beginning or ending their school career this is a very different first day of school.
 
None of us know what is coming.
All we can do is go with the flow.
Our kids will settle into this new school norm quite quickly. 
We will settle into our drop off and pick up routines. 
And our kids will keep growing.
 
No matter how sometimes I wish I could turn time back. 
To my little guy starting his school career.
 
 
Have a wonderful Wednesday loves.
 
©Sept. 9/20
Pictures are my own

My Ex

A while back I wrote about how my ex and me were getting along and I realized how much I had matured. Well today I took that one step further. Today I looked passed the man who made me unhappy and spoke to my friend.

This is a man who at one point and time I loved. It is not his fault nor is it mine that in the end we just were not happy together. We are such very different people with little in common. 

Today was the first time that we had a conversation in a long time. And we both laughed. Not the fake ‘yeah get out of my face you are annoying me’ laugh but a real laugh. One that sets the other to laughing. 

We also still have inside jokes and can say things to one another that we are unable to say to anyone else. There have been a few times, where I have been spitting mad and the only one I can vent to is him.

In talking with a girl friend today, she informed me that I was taking the mature route with him. All I had said was his girlfriend was good for him.

And I no longer had to take care of him.

This man is helpless as a baby attempting to organize a tea party. I sent him numerous texts regarding the dates he had T over the summer. I also sent him several screen shots of my calender so he had it. Finally his girlfriend messaged me asking what the dates were. 

That is only one example. 

I can afford to be nice and decent to him. I am happy and in a great place in my life. And I really am working hard to let go of negativity.

It was easy to be angry with my ex when I left. I was blaming him for my unhappiness. Which really is unfair because I had a hand in my own unhappiness. I could have stood firm when I tried to leave three months prior to everything imploding. 

Now though…I am in my own space. I am writing daily. My relationship with my son and mom are amazing. 

So yes, I can afford to be kind with M2. And I even like his girlfriend even though we have not really spoken. But she is excellent with T and that more than anything makes me like K3.(Lol too many K’s- best friend, Auntie and now M2’s girl friend. M1 being my bestie.)

M2 loves T with all his heart. And at the end of the day that is all that is important. He is doing his best to be a great dad. Our failure to make our marriage last aside he will always be my friend.