Haunted Darkness

Dark
twisted hallways
buried deep
seen only
when half asleep
memories
of horror
rage
pain
begin to stir
begin to stretch
grave worms clawing to the surface.
Walk in a fugue
diseased mind
any out
any way
running
never sure why
from what
only searching
seeking
escape
haunted nightmares.
Grievous pain
knife wounds
stabbed tip
over
over
over
digging hole
to feel
if only for a while.
Bruised eyes
sleep
in death
in life
monsters wait
demons
vampires
no retreat.
This is life
abused
mistrusted
alone
no friends are near
endless screams
pummel
broken skin
anything to stop feeling
anything to eradicate……
haunted memories.
©Feb. 11/20
Picture is my own

Reality

These emotions
the ones that you see me feel?
Emotions that have wrapped me
(pain)
kept me in chains
I will break free.
No longer bound
the links that have held
weaken
the more I pull
the more I can feel.
(hope)
My past is not my definition.
My future remains unwritten.
I have my today.
How I act
how I react
how I feel about situations
that is what will define me.
I can disagree.
I can fume.
I can rage.
Or 
I can let it pass
let it go
be me.
I will no longer bow.
I will no longer fear.
(Memories are only that
memories)
Not my truth.
Not my reality.
 
©July 7/19
Picture via Pinterest

Picture Prompt #6

I found an old sweater of yours today
still with your musk
that subtle aroma that was all you. 
It felt as though I was back in your arms. 
I put on your favorite perfume today
delicate citrus
you would breath my scent in so deep
burning it into your senses.
I layered with cream.
I dressed myself in clothes you liked
stockings
heels
skirt.
I never felt as beautiful as when I saw your smile.
We would sit in that bar
listening to blues
talking about hidden dreams.
Close to close 
you would play those keys
while I sat 
mesmerized with the emotions
the desires
you could make dance in the air.
I loved to watch you play.
Now……
the bar has sunken to disrepair 
the piano 
a strong feature in our lives
collapsing
strings rotted
teeth missing
gaping jaws. 
Silence reigns
dust gathers 
as I sit atop
ghostly melodies playing
in the motes of dust.
Phantom caresses on my calves
I can feel the pressure of your hands
laying back I stare at the stars
for the ceiling has fallen
night is reaching
I am falling 
up to heaven.
Good bye.
Good night.
We fell away
we did part
wait for me darling
I have already given you my heart.
 
April 9/19
Picture via Pintrest prompt from The Eclectic Contrarian

My Bad

Silver silences
whispers
caress
my body
my heart 
they yearn for you.
Memories of your warmth
your kindness
intertwoven with anger
violent
scary.
It was good
than it wasn’t…..
my heart bled
rivers of tears
sodden
can I fall in love?
Missing you
I tell lies
I blindly ignore the truth.
You made me a queen…..
you made me a fool…..
you made me dance 
unto your tune.
I want you
I need you
I desire
I despise
emotions blindly assumed.
my bad
should know
time cannot be turned back.
 
March 28/19
Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

Destruction of Heart

Blindly
tears fill my eyes
staring at the spidered ceiling
unable
unwilling 
to move
to arise
to live my life.
Pain
encompassing 
always there
no relief 
no contentment
only a blackness
surrounding me
entering me
consuming me.
Memories
happier times
loving times
all I have left
destroyed
raped
slaughtered
laughter ringing in my ears.
I lay on the ground
grasping 
anchoring myself
blood running
rivulets
spooling beneath me
nurturing the earth
depleting my soul.
High above
mystic angel
hovers
concerned
unsure
of how to intervene
how to make this…..
this horror
a teachable moment
knowing only that it had to be now.
Flowing through my senses
summer breeze
lilac
honeyed flowers
eyes flutter
open
weak will to live
more strength
surging
flowing from one to the other
I begin to return
turning my back on that black abyss.
Decision made.
Eyes flare with rage.
I will never let you destroy me
again.
March 25/19
Image by David Bruyland from Pixabay

Rose Colored Glasses

A blanket of fresh snow
squeaking beneath my feet
crisp air
frost on the trees
a chilling beauty
as I walk along.
Memories
hard
fast
attack
left 
right 
from the heart.
I cannot stop them.
I do not want to stop them.
Even as tears sidle
freezing on rosy cheeks
I glut myself
upon these remembrances.
Summer sun
fast cars
time of my life.
I fell in love
(still so much in love)
opened my heart
my soul
my secret self
giving you everything
while you…..
took 
and took….
and took some more…..
bleeding me dry
of emotion
faith 
trust in me.
Rose colored glasses
perched on my nose
unable to see
regardless 
that all others could
how toxic
you and me were.
 
 
Feb. 6/19
Photo by Rory Hennessey on Unsplash

Every Time

Every time I think I am free
assailed by memories
your smile
your kiss
your touch
tears simmer
unshed beneath my lashes.
I tell myself
to not be a fool
that my worth
my desires
my needs
are important
not to be trifled with
and yet…..
when I smell your smell
when out of the corner of my eye
do I spy you waiting
when I realize there will be no more…..
stimulating conversations
where I learn new ideas
new concepts
my eyes are opened to a different way.
There will be no more dinners
or breakfasts shared
beneath full moon
and rising sun.
I turn the radio off
when that song comes on
so as to minimize the hurt.
Every time I think I am free
something about you
will always pull me back.
December 12/18
Photo is one of my own taken Summer of 2017