Mental Illness

Woke up to a blanket of snow,

crystal clean.

Felt the chill in the air

hoped that today would be better,

more alive.

Wondering,

what I have done to deserve this?

Mired in depression,

buoyed by the high

bouncing and falling so quickly.

No one knows what it is like,

the emotions,

no one even knows how I cope.

Days go by.

Each one is the same

counting the seconds as they pass.

I can only hope that the cycle will break

and that for a time I will be normal.

I am not crazy,

I am not insane.

I am falling without a safety net

never to know what each day brings

lost within this damaged mind.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Written 2003/2004

 

Lassitude

I sit with silent lassitude

unable to determine

If I am sane. Or like the rabbit;

have I gone crazy?

I count all my fingers, I count all my toes

I touch my face, my eyes, my nose,

My lips and my ears, am I whole?

The times I have sat before the mirror

the times that I have stared, uncomprehending;

it now all comes together.

For whilst in the darkest of my shadows,

there is no truer delusion than the one that the

Brain does not want to face, that it is no longer

in control, and that the emotions, the tears and the fears

they are the ones manning the barricades.

Barricades that bend and sway beneath the brutal tide

as it tries to break it’s way in, to shred and to eat.

Whilst outside, I am ignorant aware only slightly that

something might be off.

It is only when I begin to really sense the a-kilter of my mind

do I realize that the devil and his minions have come to play

To tear me down and rake my soul, making me believe I can be no more.

Delusions and braggarts, fears and tears, the domicile of my being.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Feb 22/17