No More……

Time
rolls forward
never backward
for if it did
all who regret
who dismay
would want to try to change
the mistakes of their pasts.
Are they truly mistakes?
I don’t know about you
but me
my mistakes
they are what have molded me
what have changed me
what have made me the woman I am…..
Yet I am not only my mistakes.
I am my strength.
I am my dreams.
I am my truth.
My desires.
I am me.
Missing…..
forgotten…..
strength……
truth…..
me…..
A butterfly
erupting from its cocoon
bursting upward
caught within the halestrome
free finally……
Belief is a many faceted thing
when lost
laying broken at ones feet
head hung
tears crying.
No more.
No more loss.
No more grief.
No more……
No more
is my new mantra
positive
freeing
for no more
shall I fall at anyone’s feet
I am my truth
my healing…..
myself.
March 11/19

My Loss

It was not until today
that I realized
just how much I miss you.
Your smile
your words
your being
sitting
talking
with me.
You might think
my loss is desire
it is not.
My loss…..
no longer having someone believe in me
no longer having someone who loves me
no longer having someone who will fight for me
no longer having someone who feels like home.
I miss that feeling of happiness.
My bed
though king size
has become so wide
so large
I cannot find the end
the sides.
It has become the size
of three football fields.
The knowing
that someone is thinking of me
not day and night
every so often
I make them smile.
My loss…..
the man who made me smile
the man who made me happy
the man….
who knew my past
who knew my degradation
yet loved me still
despite the grey
the emotional curbs
he found in his way.
I cannot explain
why….
I feel connected.
Why….
I feel a depth.
Why….
I am willing to forgive
despite
all you have done.
You are not the only one
forgiveness should be paid
for too did I
strike out in my way.
I found a way
to rip you bare
using my words
my tongue
to cut you down.
To hate.
To love…..
oh hell
I am on my knees
begging you
please
can we not begin anew?
The ball bounces in your court
the ball it flicks passed me
what more can I do
what more can I say
I still want you.
December 17/18
Picture is one of my own.