Journey of a Child

From the first
movement
heartbeat heard
mine own
swelled
threatened to burst
love felt
forever
always
my boy.
I watched your first steps.
I heard your first words.
I watched as you learned to ride a bike.
I heard as you learned to read.
I held you in the night against monsters.
Your mind delights me
your heart astounds me
your kindness
your desire to help
all the things I want you to bear forth
the shield to be held in manhood.
We are entering yet another branch
another era in your life
where independence
choices made now
ripple with consequences
turning you into the man you will become.
At every point
I will be there
with a loving heart
and a hug
waiting for you to come home
to me
once more.
©July 29/21
Picture is my own

No One Told Me It Would Be This Hard

Two weeks.
Two weeks and my child turns into a teenager.
I am not ready for this at all.
I cried this morning at work telling two of my co-workers. 😭😭😭😭
I cried telling K and she cried too.
I know that I am doing a good job.
I know that he is smart and responsible.
But he is my baby and I swear to all I know I just gave birth to him yesterday. 👶👱
 
I know that I am not alone in this but really never did I think it would be this hard.
 
He left this morning for his dad’s.
They are going on a fishing trip and the ex is wanting to leave right after he gets off work tomorrow morning.
His girlfriend will be there tonight with T.
I am trying my best not to fret and worry.
I get anxious when he is gone this long from me. 😒
Monday evening I will see him again.
 
It isn’t that I don’t trust the ex but I am blessed/cursed with a wicked imagination.
I can come up with situations that no one else would even consider and end up crying. 😥
I have talked to myself about this.
I am aware that it is anxiety.
Which I hide from T.
So I am planning a weekend of Jay.
Sun tanning. 🌞🌞🌞
Reading. 📖
Spa bath. 🛀
A full pot of coffee. ☕
Sending my anxiety away for a bit.
 
Last night T came barreling out of his room.
 
T: Mom do we have an AAA batteries?
Me: I don’t know look in the drawer.
T: I don’t see any. Are you sure that there are none anywhere else.
Me: If there are none in the drawer than  no I need to get some.
T: I won’t be able to turn my t.v. on and off. Or adjust the volumn.
Me: Use the buttons on the t.v.
T: I have buttons on my t.v. ?
 
He leaves and goes into his room.
 
T: J did you know there were buttons on the t.v.? This is cool.
 
I laughed and shook my head at the same time. 😂😂😂🤦🤦🤦🤦
Where did I go wrong?
In some cases he is so smart and has brilliant ideas. ☺☺☺
In others I wonder how he ties his shoes on his own. 😜😜😜
 
©July 21/21
Picture via Pinterest