Help?

Can you help me?
I need to excise these feelings.
I need to eradicate this love.
I need to eliminate my heart
will you show me how?
Like ‘Insensitive’
that song keeps playing in my mind
I wonder was I to pass the time?
Many a morning
an evening too
I watched you grow smaller
in the rear view.
Had I known
the last time there
would be my last
I would have savored the moment more
those few precious seconds
I was wrapped in your arms.
Ties that bind
shaking my head
to clear
memories I still hold dear
remembrances of your scent
the heavy feel of your arm pulling me close
as my head rested
listening to your heartbeat.
That steady thrum
helped me to sleep
many a night
when monsters tortured my dreams.
Now alone
the monsters are free to roam
there is no protector
no white knight
saving me
with a vicious uppercut
and double edged sword.
Please…..
fight for me
slay dragons for me
keep me safe
why do we run
when really we both need to be?
Speak clear
tell me true
should I get over you?
I cannot.
I know….
I know that I am building a fantasy
but
never have you told me not to.
All I want to know
all I need to know
is…….
do you love me still?
 
January 17/19
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Good bye My Love

I have fallen

not at your feet

but within myself

and there is no going back.

Now

you are entwined with my past

the hurt

the pain that I feel.

I wish that it had not happened this way

I wish that I could still be yours

yet I know

there is no way

that I can submit to you again.

My way of saying good-bye

it was not right

I should have explained further

I should have explained it at all

there is no way of knowing

what monsters lay in my bed.

Memories that have been hidden

you brought to the forefront

the anguish

the pain

the darkness that enveloped

I curled within myself.

Screaming in my head.

I am sorry my love

I wish it could  be different

we must walk away

while love is still everlasting.

All copy rights reserved.

Jay-lyn Doerksen

July 26/17

Monsters

Monsters
creep round and round
no longer content to hide under the bed.
Crawling from the gutter
from stolen dreams
from abuse endured
from abandoment
from harming oneself.
Monsters find a way.
Gaining a foothold
hiding in plain sight
fooling the unsuspecting.
Using slight of hand
puffs of smoke
distraction
from the real plays.
Rear up
Rile up
Tear them all apart
until we confront the Monsters
until we no longer bargain our fears
until we stand…..
But we never will stand
The Monsters have created sheep
and with that…..
they have won.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
June 11/18