Lessons

Hear the complaints
see the disgust
time is passing by
when will life get back
when will normality return?
Why?
So quick everyone is
work
school
sports
art
computer
the list on the fridge
goes on and on
every minute
to the second
of every day is planned
’til exhausted
one drops into bed.
Look around
what do you see?
Look around
what do you hear?
Birds singing
clearly heard
lack of traffic
makes it so.
Streets
quiet
stores
no longer a meeting place.
Wait…..
hear that I do
sweet giggle of child
deep baritone of dad
as together they play
slowed down
spending time
with each other
learning their truth.
We have a chance
a choice
to create a new future
a slower future
where emphasis is
family
friends
life in its beauty
nature
seen now by eyes
appreciated
reclaimed.
Do not forget
or
lost shall be
these lessons learned.
©May 7/20
Picture is my own

And the New Norm is?

Ah…….things are slowly settling into a new norm I suppose? I look around the store seeing husbands and wives shopping together and children too. There has been no relaxation in restrictions but I believe that people are thinking all is good. No major outbreaks. The government is lying. And they are relaxing their guard. I want to believe.  I want to think that this is going to be this easy and things will be……but that is not how my brain works. Not in the least.

Tomorrow is my last early Saturday night close. 12-8:30. Come Monday our closing hour is going to be 10 p.m. Kinda sad because I was liking the earlier time. Also got to spend more time with Tember when getting off at 8:30. However bonus is that I might be moving to all early morning cash shifts……..oh yeah!

I am going to miss this slower pace I will admit that. Having to make sure that I have everything I need or do without has made me more aware. Today my phone died on me. Am guessing I unplugged while charging last night so I had to come home first break to charge. My bank card is in my cell phone case. Cell phone at home. Could not pick anything up. But but but I need Pepsi. I ran next door. Second time I have been in Co-op when not needing gas since this whole thing started.

Really I am just blurting everything out. I want to write but the juices are not flowing so well.

Our New Reality…..when this is a compliment it puts the whole world into perspective:

I was speaking with a customer yesterday as she was bagging up her groceries. I am unable to bag the groceries if a customer is using their own bag so I stand there feeling absolutely useless. She is thanking me over and over for our being there. For coming to work. How we are just as important as doctors and nurses.

And than she made me cry. No word of a lie…..this following compliment made me tear up. And when I told my boss he said that it was the best compliment that we had  received thus far:

‘You are more important than toilet paper. We have water at home we can clean with. But if you did not come to work we would starve.’

Yes folks being compared to toilet paper made me tear up. And made me realize how much our ways are changing.

Today I had another customer tell me that there are so many valuable lessons to be learned from this all. And I agree.

Covid 19 is a horrible awful virus. It’s actual damage will not be realized for who knows how long. But what it has done is slowed us down…..made us more aware of family….of friends….of life.

I had another customer talk about how she was shopping for her parents and an aunt. How it was frustrating but on the other hand they (the seniors) were having to look things up (size/name brand/willing to accept substitutions/etc) and it was like a scavenger game for them. I said how many in situations like this are now seeing family/friends more often and that in and of itself is awesome. She looked at me funny and said she had never thought of it like that.

Too often we fill every minute of every hour with things/activities that are needless just to have every hour accounted for…..now…..I want to fill those extra minutes with memories made with my son. With my friends. With my family.

April 24/20

 

Fifteen Minutes

15 minute increments.
That is how I live
8 hours a day
five days a week
15 minute increments.
I watch the clock carefully
I must excuse myself
I need to go
I need to wash my hands
to keep you
and myself safe.
15 minute increments
this is not a game
this is my new reality
as I serve the public
who need to eat
who need their care
who need reassurance
who need a friendly ear.
15 minute increments.
I wonder
up to 14 days
to incubate
please wait I must sanitize
I am sorry I have to make you stand
this is for your safety and mine.
15 minute increments.
This is my new reality.
This is my new truth.
This is a new life for everyone.
We are all in this together.
There is no need
to push
punch
scream
like animals in a zoo
suddenly released
set upon one another.
Bloody massacre.
15 minute increments.
I hope you have a great day.
I need a moment please.
Stand over the sink
how many 15 minutes have passed?
Single tear drops.
Chin quivers.
Deep breath.
Stand up straight.
Smile on my face.
In my ear
your voice
reassuring
‘baby you got this
it is only 15 minutes.’
©March 31/20
Picture is my own

New Reality

I am not a first responder. I am not a nurse. I am not a doctor. What I am is a cashier.

I serve people day in and day out. I reassure. I talk. I smile. I smile some more. Reassure some more. No we are not going into a food shortage people. What has happened is that all this panic buying has sent suppliers into a tailspin as they did not have the stock required to suddenly replenish the store shelves. Were you to have shopped normally….maybe a little heavier on your dry goods or frozen but toilet paper? People continue to surprise me every day despite my thinking I have seen it all.

It is a ghost town. Everyone has put themselves in self-isolation. At least for two weeks. What happens after that who knows.

I am pretty certain that at one point and time I am going to be exposed. It has a 7 day period before symptoms start. For all I know I already have been exposed. I am pragmatic. Either I am going to get it or I won’t. There is not much that I can do.

We are washing our hands every 15 minutes at work. They are going to be installing shields to protect the customer and ourselves. Yet another aspect of the new reality.

When H1N1 first came to light sanitizer wipes were everywhere. And stayed. So am assuming that it is possible that these shields will also stay. I understand the need for protection but I am still bothered. We are instilling a fear that I do not think is going to be easily eradicated. Never mind that groceries can still be scanned by cashier but cannot handle cards.

Part of me is wondering how much is too much. How far is too far. In the days and weeks to come we will see. For today and tomorrow I have no plans to go anywhere. I am in isolation with T until Monday when once more I return to serve people of my community.

March 21/20

Picture via Pinterest

 

New Reality

*****As of Dec. 23rd I am going to have been pill free for two years. Truth is my life began that day. I look forward to continued growth and acceptance of my faults and watch with wonder and excitement as a woman rebuilding herself. My poetry is going to be a reflection of that. I won’t post this every day but I am in count down until my 2 year anniversary. 12 more days to go.*****
Tidal wave
breaking over my head
tossing
tumbling
dragging me down
no where to go
vision clouding
pain
all encompassing
no break
no change
day after day
my heart bleeds.
Challenge is acceptance.
Accepting my faults.
My sorrows.
My past.
Choosing forward march.
Choosing life.
Choosing to let go
to return to the wonder I was
before……
Depression became a way.
Addiction was how I coped.
Love was a chip to barter
body used to in slick desperation
needing to be……
someone I was not.
Someone I could hate
pour all my venom into
making myself murky
compliant
ignoring the truth
because it was easier to deal with.
Time came
climax roared
to its final destination.
Live or die.
My only choices.
I chose to live
for myself
for me…..
©Dec. 11/19
Picture is my own