Possessive Wretchedness

This poem will be a trigger for certain people.
Mom if you see this before I warn you not to read……do not read……I am working something out.
This is about abuse. 
This is a memory I am unsure of. However I keep coming back to it. As I said above to mom…..I am working on something. 
 
Came to me
middle of the night
took from me
sense of self
sense of me
before him
you did rape me.
Driving home
tears
broken heart
undecided
death would be preferable
but
could not do
to mother true.
Loved me she did
she does 
knowledge found
so much later
wish not to share
warned her
can only hope
these words
she reads not
but I need to bleed.
Coming home
three in front
red light
single girls
blaring music
his smile
my disgust.
Years later
so many years
I know not what to make
gnaws at me
this memory does
delve not deep
want to ignore
yet still…..
every time it does arise
tamp down I do
therapy taught me one thing
dig not
truth will come
hoping still
a nightmare undone.
©May 16/20
Picture found on Pinterest

Dark Souls

Perfect family
mom
dad
brother and sister
little baby too
fantasy life on the outside
nightmare within.
Eat every morsel
lesson learned
if you do not
upon feces one shall dine
until up it is puked.
Clean every corner
let no grime remain
soap scum
means a bar in the mouth
nasty names screamed in vain.
No accidents in the underwear
big girl 
yes you are
hair brush wielded 
can no longer sit down.
Door locked…..
keep the monsters at bay…..
keep the monsters away…..
fear
pain
desire for death
the perfect family
revered by all
oh if only they really knew.
Sunday comes
father mounts the pulpit
holy book in hand
decries the sins of the common man
denounces the devil’s tricks
making light of his.
In the gloom
a devil did sit
saliva dangling to the floor
later that night
giggling to himself
he shall dine upon the darkest souls.
©Jan. 23/20
Picture via Pinterest