Lost

It pains me to say this.
It pains me…..to admit this…..
I miss you.
I miss waking in the middle of the night
your arms around me
holding me tight
chasing away the nightmares
the monsters 
that rip through my heart.
Demons
dancing through the glades
tripping through the tulips
raping
destroying
plunder
all that is mine.
Glass shards
dig into my knees
platitudes I mouth
forgiveness I need
penitent I am…..
my fault
my passion
my need…..
to…..
make you feel?
Never did I feel safer
than awakening
held in your arms
pulled close
fear chased.
I need you.
I am sorry
I cannot leave you be.
Tears
leak from the corners of my eyes
blurred vision
what is it
about you
about me
that we cannot let go.
Oh wait
maybe it is me who cannot let go
maybe I am the stalker
you the deer.
I do not know. 
I am afraid I am the freak
that you
the one who fears
what I might do.
Blade drawn
macabre smile
twists my face
must accept darlin’
you have lost…..
we are lost…..
April 3/19
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Advertisements

Untitled Poem Word of the Day #17

I clung to those memories
hoarding
pawing 
breathing fire on
like a dragon 
in its den.
I never thought to go forward
I only stayed in the past
where memories
should be looked upon
fondly
kindly
sweetly
not with a singular obsession
like I had.
Driven
unable to release you
unable to release the dream
finally
I realized
I was only hurting myself.
How I found the strength
to finally let you go
release my heart
come back to me
I will never know.
I bow my head
in reverence
for the love we did share.
I must let go
for the sake of my sanity.
Good bye. 
 
Feb. 8/19

Obsession

**Found picture on Internet**
I am a passing shadow
seen from the corner of your eye
ignored.
You pretend not to see me
when I am standing in front of you.
Loving you
dreading you
wishing that you would hold me tight.
I feel you
do you feel me?
Loving
reaching
hating
leaving
cannot let go
do not deny…..
Nothing can batter
nothing can bruise
only arms twined
lips touching
hearts beating
love so true.
I can see it why can’t you?

Untitled 13

***Picture is one of my own***

You move in and out of my orbit

pulling me close

shutting me out

until I can see no longer.

When you are here

life is so much sweeter.

Water tastes of wine

and our mouths meet with strawberry kisses.

When you are gone

black clouds loom overhead.

Thunder shakes my heart

and the cold is piercing.

I have a want

a desire.

I have a need

a hunger that only you can sate.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

September 26/17

Stalker (no more)

***Picture courtesy of Pintrest***

The first time i saw her she took my breath

spotted through the lens of a security camera

i became lost in her beauty and only wanted to know

if she might desire me.

The first time I knew that something was amiss

the day a rose appeared on my desk

With a note detailing how nice I looked,

and I was charmed.

i began to find time to turn my lens her way

watching and learning all that i could of her,

wanting only to find a way in, to say hello

without scaring her away.

I began to fear as the flowers and notes became too much

looking over my shoulder wondering just who you are?

Every time the door dings alerting me to an entrance

my heart begins to race and I wonder if it is you?

i discovered where she lived and prowled the ‘hood

finding my way into her home.

i riffled through her drawers, coming away with souvenirs

leaving behind another welcome surprise.

The rose and petals strewn on my bed made my stomach churn

and so begins, another game, another race to discover

Who feels that they can terrorize me? Who thinks that they can gain?

admission to my heart and soul with such careless stuff?

i know we are to be together oh why can she not see?

i know that our souls will bond and bind

forever making us one of a kind.

I found the man I needed on a street unnamed

explained my needs and wants

he showed me guns and swords galore

while I made my peace.

i filmed you in so many ways, asleep, awake, undressed

tonight i shall climb in your window

taking your heart

and making you mine.

The people who swore that they could save me

are never near when needed.

Instead they mouth quiet promises of which I have seen the results

so we must do this my way.

i found the house in darkness, shadows layered upon shadows

for i chose a night with no moon.

together we shall make the sky alight

burning with our flames.

I sit in the blackness waiting.

I hear the window creak

left open to encourage the beast

and now the end is near.

in flickering candle light i found her

awake and waiting for me.

i knew but a brief minute of satisfaction

until she smiled at me.

A death mask revealed within my burning smile

as I waited for him to come.

Victim no more, I am the avenger

stealing back my life.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

July 20/17

 

My Own

Beneath a stark sky….diamond prick prints of star light

Do I know you….do  I care…. am I suppose to hide from you?

I see stark bone limbs framed by black lit sky

Stars acting as velvet backdrops

Drool upon my lower lip, bitten in desire.

Arching, aching, I submit my soul….I do not hate,

I do not detach, I can only hope that I am yours.

If your chose to debase, to turn up your

rosy regard; let me know so my kilt I may keep,

my humanity my own.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen February 2017