The Last Time

The last time we made love
you swore she was done
her name erased from your tongue.
No longer did she have a claim
you swore,
only I could hold the keys to your heart.
Please explain to me
why you murmur her name
in the dead of the night
as I lay next to you?
Please tell me again
how she knows the man that you are
the one that
I have beaten to death?
How my desperation for love
for total acceptance
has dominated
and eroded our story to this bitter end.
The last time we made love
you swore up and down
that she was
but a memory.
The last time we made love
you stared at me in horror
as once more,
I made you mine.
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
November 16/17

Today

***In memory of Christina Helgason-Bryga

As I stood beneath the shower

my face turned into the stream

my mouth open in a silent howl

tears erased by the rain.

I could not understand

this piercing grief that I feel

the hollow where my heart once beat

until it suddenly dawned,

today was the day I lost you.

Today was the day you never had a chance

to say hello or good-bye.

Today was the day I held you silent and breathless

in my arms.

Every year I have marked your birthday

every year I have found ways to hide

to drink away the pain,

to ignore the sorrow.

Today I mourn you with all my heart

today tears flow without restraint.

Today is the day my daughter was born

today was the day she soared.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Nov. 14/17

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