How Can I Be Silent?

601 US school shootings from 1884-2016.
19 Canadian school shootings for same time period.
Originally I was just looking up Canadian school shootings but then my curiosity got the best of me.
I know I am suppose to be on a news break but children…..
Every time I read about an act of violence against children my heart is shredded.
There are no words.
I have never lost a child to violence so I can only imagine the grief, fear, pain that will become a constant parental companion.
But I am an empath.
And I am a writer with an imagination.
I will never know the devastation of losing a child through violence and in all the I hold dear I pray that I and anyone I know never does.
We can never understand the unending abyss of pain that will ebb but be the silent pulse in time with their heartbeat.
We can never understand the desire to end it so we can once more hold our child within our arms.
We can never understand.
I wonder too what more could have been done to stop an individual who made it clear on social media that this exact type of situation was brewing?
That the children should beware.
What more could have been done?
Where were the individuals policing social media?
Where were the powers that be when this individual announced on social media that he had purchased not one but two assault rifles?
What more could have been done?
Today 19 parents are in mourning.
Politicians offer prayers.
They begin to lace up their gloves for a political boxing match.
This will once more not be about the death of these children.
This will not be about the failure of mental health issues being ignored.
This will not be about the failure of a school system that helped to create this individual.
This will become another tragedy upon which coattails will be ridden.
Please tell me:
When does it become enough?
How many children is too many before things stop?
These children have become caught in a deadly war that is home brewed.
And no one is wanting to take responsibility.
My heart goes out to all parents who have lost a child to violence.
My tears fall and my soul aches.
I wish I had a magic wand.
I wish I could turn back time.
I wish those who could make a difference would make a difference.
But they will not.
©May 25/22
Picture via Pexels Free Picture

I am a Monster

T got home just around 9:30 p.m. last night. He was shocked to see me still up and unable to wrap his head around it. He came over and set down on the couch next to me and we talked about his week.

He told me he thought he got on Track and Field team. I looked over at him and exclaimed:

You like to run????

T shook his head in disgust and asked me why everyone asked him that question. I mean come on him run? Maybe if a wildebeest was chasing him but otherwise he is relatively sedentary.

Me: I bet your dad was excited to think you were going to be running. What are you trying out for.

T: Shot put and Discus. I think I made the shot put. But Dad showed up to pick me up just as I was going to try again.

The distance for a shot put throw to get on team: 8.7 meters. T threw 8.8 m the first time. I will have to wait until tonight for further information.

As we sat there going over his week and all I casually reminded him that he was going to be riding his bike to school this week. The look of absolute horror on his face was so funny. You would have thought I had told him he was going to be working free of charge on a chain gang all summer long.

I do believe T was not impressed with my laughing at him. And what did I mean I would not drive him to school?

Petulance set in and with crossed arms we began the dance of I won’t go to school then and me oh hell yeah you are. When I accused him of not listening to me and retaining information that I told him his response was why should I remember if it does not affect me?

I howled with laughter. Obviously my being on holidays affect him as I am not driving him. He went back and forth with me. Again telling me I can’t make him leave apartment and go to school.

That was when my hilarity dropped and I looked him squarely in the eye. I know I cannot physically make him got to school but boy can I make his life a living hell at home. There was some quick back pedaling from him and I simmered down.

I remember the screaming matches the bro had with mom. And I remember him being taller and an ass to mom who could not really do anything to rein in his behaviour. I will not go through that with T.

I cannot ground him as discipline like that only works if both parents are on same page. There are differing parenting styles at work here. But I can take his Xbox away and ensure he goes to school and comes home.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Mom the monster rides again.

©May 24/22

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