Word of the Day Challenge #84-Untitled Poem

I sit
tears falling
blurred vision
all I can think of
is how I hurt you
how much I miss you
this throbbing ache
peering
blinded eyes
never again
together
held by you
chase the nightmares away
you became deeply entrenched
with blooded memories of my past
tangled webs
I cannot unwind
curled inward
grasping knees
piercing screams
wave after wave
venomous evil
washes over me
yawning
black pit
sucking me in
screaming
even as you held me
promising safety
protection
I know…..
I know you wished me no harm
I know you held me with love
I know…..
all you ever wanted
was to protect me true
eventually though
no one
but me
could protect me
with promise of haven
able was I
trust
held me close
chase the demons
spear them
protection
I found in your arms
only to realize
a part of the horror
the wicked dreams
forever entangled
in your love
wistful thinking
I’d be able to separate
horror from peace
in the end
I had to say good bye.
©Jan. 26/20
Picture is my own

New Year…..New Me…..New Decade….New Everything

I watched the sun rise
faint pink blush
golden pulses fill the sky
hues of purple
sense of serenity
sense of peace
finally here
in my happy place.
I struggled.
I abused myself.
I tried to hide.
I am not that little girl.
I am not that frightened teenager.
I am not that beaten/destroyed woman.
No longer afraid…..
of what life has to offer.
To dream.
To love.
To chase what I want.
To be me…..
Writer.
Mother.
Daughter.
Sister.
There is more to me
than these four facets…..
there is adoration
there is pride
there is determination…..
I leave behind me
a decade/life time
of pain
of anger/rage
of despair
of thoughts no longer there.
I begin this New Year
this New Decade
strong
beautiful
and solely
100 %
Me.
©Dec. 31/19
Picture is my own

Charmed Monsters

Longing
yearning
ever so tired
grey is the day
this life
this path I trod.
Where is the light?
Where is the joy?
No Eden can I find.
The past…..
Free wheeling
dealing card after card
pain
humility
hungering
feeding upon the blackness
the evil
rooted within.
My past…..
No longer allowed to define
to dictate…..
Cut away
carve away
sword
epee
skewered to the ground
demons chained
eased with dosed medication
mine to do with as I will.
These daemons
still reside within
gentle murmurs
holding pain
holding fear
now my protectors
I need no longer beware.
Sanctuary found
hellions bound
labor of love.
This me
beauty and beast
all rolled into one.
©Dec. 30/19
Picture is part of my Positivity wall

Nightly News

Darkness flows
subtle shades
grey and white
studded with starlight.
Death lurks.
Victim or prey
sighted
who is to decide
is this wrong
or is it right?
Evil prowls
using the cover of blackness
plying cowardly trade
innocence succumbing
virtues eradicated
salivating slaves
to the bloody knife.
Symbols etched
scratched into pale skin
screams of agony
offered up as sacrifice
not to demons
not to hell
to pacify grey men
creating a new world order.
Violence.
Harsh words.
Kindness has become overrated.
Echos of the past
intolerance
rhetoric spewed
no longer shocking
no longer rage inspiring.
Fodder for the nightly news.
Inured
we have become desensitized…..
to the wars
to the blood
to the death of children
to watching parents scream
holding dead bodies.
Cold eyes
no longer able to see humanity
tell me true
is this the way of the future
or can it be saved?
©July 9/19
Picture via Pinterest

Denial

Placid.
Stagnant.
Floating upon the scum of the pond
hair streaming
no cares
no feelings
numbness
all that I need.
With nothing
there is no pain
there is no fear
there is no acknowledging that past.
With nothing
I am blurred
I am stoned
I no longer seek to understand
who I am.
Why I am.
Broken child.
Halo bent.
Satan is waiting.
A lot of learning
yet to be done.
Yearning.
Please understand.
I hate myself.
I love myself.
I speak in tongues.
There is no real happiness
no reality
for denial is one.
Oct. 34/18
Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

20/20

Looking back
it is easy to see
as they say
hindsight is 20/20.
I delighted in fire
flame
burning debris
still wonder
how I did not burn that place down?
Vicious words
pelting down
tearing
rending
piercing
exposed flesh.
I need time
time to adjust
to come to terms
with yet another aspect
of my past
my history.
Rage
inferior
tagged to be little
never was I important enough.
Looking back
I can finally see
veil torn from my eyes
the monster before me.
There was no love.
There was no pride in me.
I was superfluous
an afterthought
a child weaned on fear
disgrace
disregard
left to herself
her own care.
Heart torn
rent
beaten flat
left to defend
shield
armor myself
for yet another blow
another hit
another hurricane
blowing me apart.
Sept. 25/18

Wrath

Never once
did you ever do
more that mouth platitiudes
for ripping me apart.
You stole from me
innocence
laughter
life
leaving me
bereft
depressed
destroyed.
Anger stole in
replacing all that was good
as the past roiled and burned
searing my soul
my heart
my very being.
As I stand over you
watching the blood of your life
flow from your desperate body
grudgingly I forgive
for I want not
a wraith of a monster
held close by my wrath.