Little Miss Fix It & Her Helper Too

Well it was a weekend that is for sure.
 
Was off Friday and T had no school so we spent the day together.
My back was still aching but managed to put my plants in the window basket and get it outside.
While it is still coolish our day time highs have been between 3-10.
And if I kill off the two plants in there they did not cost me much and I can always get more.
 
Though this weekend was the Ex’s he has a new girlfriend.
Sweet girl.
Young.
Has a daughter.
Not my business except for the fact that it is affecting T.
 
He now has a little sister according to his father and the new gal.
Who sleeps in his bed.
With all the pillows and blankets.
 
Saturday a.m. he and the girlfriend show up to pick T up.
And invited themselves in.
I had to get dressed.
They plunked down on my couch.
I was attempting to tell the ex something and he kept yammering away.
Finally I snapped that I was trying to talk and could he shut up.
Then told him I was too pissed off to continue.
 
Next up the thought of them getting a dog.
Which I put my foot down and said no to.
T is not there every week or weekend.
The Ex works nights and sleeps all day.
Who is going to look after and play with this dog?
Who is going to train it?
I finally got the ex on board to T’s dismay.
And before anyone goes well what is it to you?
I know what will happen and it is the poor puppy that I am trying to protect.
Puppies are like babies and the ex was not so great in that department.
Apparently after I convinced the ex with a no the new girlfriend talked him back into it.
She will go and feed the dog and play with it when T is no there.
I am hopeful but I mean come on…..
 
My other irritation in this matter is when my son comes home and is tired.
And cold.
And feeling miserable.
Neck and back hurting.
When I asked why I discovered that he slept on the spare mattress.
No pillow.
He used his sweater.
No blanket.
He used his jacket.
And was woken with slaps to the face from the new child…..
 
He was surly when he got here yesterday.
I had gone for my massage so missed when he was dropped off but when I returned he was here.
In his room.
Annoyed and trying to take it out on me.
Which only goes so far and I knew why he was acting up.
Went in and gave him a hug and told him I loved him.
 
Later I went into his room and stood in the doorway.
Told him that I felt maybe I was too lenient.
That I felt I should be checking his phone.
He wanted to know why?
Maybe he is being bullied.
Maybe he is a bully.
Maybe he is depressed and I cannot see it.
That my world would end if he was taken from me.
 
And did he know what would happen if I discovered that he was a bully?
 
T: Lose my T.V.
M: And?
T: Lose my Xbox
M: And?
T: Lose my computer.
M: And?
T: Lose my phone.
M: And?
T:…..Uhhhhhhhhhhhh
M: I will kick you ass from here to kingdom come.
T:…..
I turned to walk away and then turned back flashing a grin…..
M: But only once my shoulder feels better.
 
Caught him by surprise with that one.
 
Last evening I went to put the dishwasher on.
Pulled out the hoses and crap!
One hose had fallen off.
It took us about an hour before I finally took T’s advice and removed the back to get at the hose.
Took so little time compared to the fishing attempt.
Next time I will listen to him a little earlier in the repair/rescue situations.
 
On Saturday I worked the 1-9:30 shift.
A shift I dislike incredibly but I have the cutest sweetest tiniest co-worker and she was working.
I adore her but so rarely work with her as she only works every other Saturday usually evening.
So same Sat as me but evening.
I have told her before I just want to scoop her up and keep her safe and I apologized.
Told her she could go complain if she wanted but I had to tell her.
 
G: I really have to tell you something.
M: Ok
G: I really like working with you. You are so friendly. And bubbly.
M: Thank you.
G: And I feel a real sense of peace when I am around you.
M: Blinking my eyes at her.
G: I don’t know but you just have this thing around you.
M: Thank you you are going to make me cry.
 
Earlier in the day I had someone say something similar to me.
That I was peace in the middle of chaos.
Not sure that is how I describe me but to have it reiterated several hours later by a completely different person.
I must believe more in myself I am thinking
 
One last thing that I thought of.
Several times yesterday I came close to losing my  temper.
I muttered ‘hang on’ a couple of times and snapped at T twice.
But I caught myself and inhaled deeply.
In the end though I prevailed without yelling and cursing.
Except once or twice when I called the hose a bitch and the c*** word.
Only made it more recalcitrant but I still prevailed.
 
Happy Monday everyone
 
©March 15/21
Picture is my own

Coffee Time or Grab a Cuppa

I am pretty funny.
Or rather I think that I am funny.
T not so much so.
He even mentioned to me that much as I thought he was not funny well he did not think I was funny.
How can that be possible?
Everyone thinks I am funny.
Or maybe it is in the delivery?
In the honesty of it?
And how a lot of times I am poking fun at myself?
The other day I was talking with my supervisor at work (K) about how I was an extra body.
Me: So today I am pretty much an extra body.
Well not pretty but an extra body none the less.
K: Sputters to laughter.
I do not even think these things they just fly out of the mouth.
Me to a customer: First day out?
C: Blinks: How did you know?
Me: I can always spot a fellow inmate.
Roars with laughter.
I do not take myself seriously at all.
I use to but no more.
And I am accepting my faults and working on them.
You must be wondering where I am going with this all.
No where I am just going to talk.
So grab a coffee take a seat and prepare to be wowed.
Okay maybe not wowed but I can chatter a bit and share something.
There is a young woman who is a supervisor.
She was a choice that I had interviewed and I really felt that she was not right for the position.
I made an error in judgement and mentioned it to someone and it got back to her.
She went crying to management that I was not giving her a fair shot.
I had a mini kaboom shortly thereafter and she was promoted while I was on leave.
This was 6 years ago.
I am not the mean bitch that I use to be.
I demanded perfection.
Things were to be done my way because it was fast and efficient.
I was a horror show I am sure.
But that was past me.
Present me is much more different.
Present me is laid back.
I get annoyed and upset but I am working very hard to not allow it to chew me up inside.
I practice dealing with what is bothering me and letting it go.
When I have to work with this young lady either as a cashier or in my capacity in curbside I get tense.
She bleeds anxiety.
She snarks at me a lot.
For most part I let it wash over me.
But now she is beginning to interfer with my hard won serenity.
My peace.
Tuesday was a busy day for me.
Plus I was back after being off for several days due to the elbow.
When I came into work there were five orders that had come in the day before which she had done no work on.
And when I asked her why she told me that I was going to be mad at her either way so it was better not to do it.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I have been off with a bum elbow.
I would have greatly appreciated her having done the work for me.
Pick the dry goods and leave the fresh items until the next day.
And I am 48 damn years old I do not need to spend my time being mad at someone for helping me out.
Pause for the eye roll.
coffee time
I was telling this to K on Friday when she mentions that the other supervisor had discussed it with her.
I was so upset I almost burst into tears.
Not because I was sad and hurt.
No because I was so damn angry.
I have not been that enraged in a long time.
Enough was enough
Lesson time for me here.
Where in the past I would have mulled and chewed and allowed her to get under my skin I reacted differently.
I was angry.
I made a decision to talk to my manager.
And that was it.
When he came in I went and talked to him.
Told him that she was stressing me out.
That I had even gone to each supervisor at one point and apologized to them when she was having one of her power binges.
If I was ever that bad I am surprised they did not band together and dispose of me.
I had muttered about killing her one day and he heard me.
Realizing that this is serious he is going to be talking to her.
Whether she calms down or just no longer works curbside I don’t know but I do know that I cannot work in direct contact with her any longer.
Also I am on day 205 of my sobriety.
I was drinking very hard in the summer of 2018.
Very hard.
And I was not a good mom.
I put a man before my child.
Flash forward to now not drinking.
And I keep having images of that summer.
Which was driving me nuts as I was so far passed missing that man I could not figure it out.
Until I did.
T came home and I asked him to come sit with me on the couch.
Pretty sure he thought he was in trouble but he wasn’t.
Me: T I want to apologize to you. In summer of 2018 I was not a good mom. Not a good mom at all. And you did not deserve that. I am so sorry buddy.
T: What are you talking about?
Me: When I was with J and drinking so much.
T: I don’t even remember that mom.
I cried.
He shook his head and wandered off.
And now those flashes of memories no longer come.
I am only remembering so I can mention it.
Well I think I have caught everyone up on the wonderful and wacky world that I live in.
I need to run out and start the car.
As you can see brutal cold.
Have a fabulous and warm Monday all.
©Feb. 8/21
Pictures are my own.