Burial of Truth (When Misinformation Reigns)

***Do not read if you are easily offended. At all. I am going to speak my mind and piss a whole hell of a lot of people off……so if you are one of those people please give this post a pass.***

Ya know I do my best. I smile. I laugh. I reassure. But damn when I hear things coming out of people’s mouths I gotta wonder……when did the lack of common sense…..when did the selfishness of people become so prevalent?

Covid-19.

This is not a government conspiracy. This is not a virus we can take lightly. And by god it is not a biochemical weapon. Get your heads out of your ass. The number of people who have died…..regardless of what conspiracy theory you follow…..there is no disputing the deaths. Oh yes I know you are going to argue that all deaths are being classified as Covid-19. I have read the same shit as you. But see…….I can think for myself. And I read. Not one damn news article…..not one damn news segment…..there is no agreement….there is disinformation.

This is a virus that seems to be mutating at a fast pace. Do I know this for fact? Not at all. However and I cannot stress this enough….I do read. And not just one side of the story but all of them. I am intelligent. I know one side is not the only side. There are so many sides you have to read and use your bloody brain. That is why we have one.  Well most of us do anyways.

I am going to say this outright……if you truly believe that shooting up disinfectants is the way to go honey I ain’t gonna stop you. A three year old knows to stay away from that shit. OMG please…….how many brain cells are you short of to believe this is a good idea? I suppose on the other hand it is natural selection at its finest.

Also….the government is not out to ruin the economy. In what world do you think that Provincial (tells you I am Canadian) or States governing bodies went:

Best thing ever. Let’s shut down the entire economy. Let’s destroy our Province/State with ridiculousness. Look this is how we get to steal away everyone’s rights and livelihood. Oh and better yet…….fill in the blank.

I am considered a front liner. Cool. I am not. I am doing my job. I am not a nurse. I am not a doctor. I am serving multiple people who are choosing to put my life and the lives of others at risk. I am not a hero. I am a cashier.

The heroes are those who are doing their damndest to control this disease. The ones who are putting their lives at risk.

Until everyone realizes that we truly are in a fight for our lives this virus will not be eradicated.

Until a vaccine is discovered/created we are all at risk.

Anyone who believes otherwise……well I got a burial plot or two I can sell you.

May 1/20

Picture is my own

 

 

 

Fifteen Minutes

15 minute increments.
That is how I live
8 hours a day
five days a week
15 minute increments.
I watch the clock carefully
I must excuse myself
I need to go
I need to wash my hands
to keep you
and myself safe.
15 minute increments
this is not a game
this is my new reality
as I serve the public
who need to eat
who need their care
who need reassurance
who need a friendly ear.
15 minute increments.
I wonder
up to 14 days
to incubate
please wait I must sanitize
I am sorry I have to make you stand
this is for your safety and mine.
15 minute increments.
This is my new reality.
This is my new truth.
This is a new life for everyone.
We are all in this together.
There is no need
to push
punch
scream
like animals in a zoo
suddenly released
set upon one another.
Bloody massacre.
15 minute increments.
I hope you have a great day.
I need a moment please.
Stand over the sink
how many 15 minutes have passed?
Single tear drops.
Chin quivers.
Deep breath.
Stand up straight.
Smile on my face.
In my ear
your voice
reassuring
‘baby you got this
it is only 15 minutes.’
©March 31/20
Picture is my own

Forgotten

Crumbling mortar
paint peels in strips
corrupted
land bleeds black
brambled path
wrought in pain
in terror.
Sit
staring at nothing
mind no longer there
lost in the mists
of time beyond
not able to see the disgrace
the family feels.
Speaking in tongues
in gibberish
who can understand
as I wail
as I cry
trying to bring you into this world.
of my own devise.
Flashes of history
memories lost
tangled web
I am caught.
Drool
disgust
wipe my mouth
speak as though
I am not here
as though
already gone am I
wishes were horses
beggers would ride.
When I was a young
prospects so many
laid out
waiting for me
to pluck the fruit offered
to bite of my dreams
fulfilling.
Now I am an elder
no one has time
to hear my stories
to hear my tales.
I am left to bleed
in gloomy silence
set upon an ice floe of neglect
waiting to die.
©Feb. 17/20
Picture is my own

Passionless Warmth

Eyes glitter with tears
trickle soundless over my cheek
small
sad smile
upon my lips
never thought I would still hurt.
I glimpsed your face
brief
pain speared through my heart
stomach dropped
I danced back
did not want you to see me.
Empty ache
where once you held me true
slice away
emotions
blood red tide at my feet.
Head bowed
stumbling away
I want this pain gone
I want this never ending succession
of bad choices
to come to an end.
Crystalline heart shattered no more.
Personal choice
one some may understand not
going to turn these emotions off
so I no longer feel.
©Jan. 9/20
Picture via Pinterest

Power Returned

***Picture is my own***

Well now this is a bit of a longer whisp of thought but only that I need to write the set up.

Tember was at his dad’s for Monday night and would be dropped off at home Tuesday afternoon for Christmas Eve. Which meant I could lounge around as my shift did not start until 10 a.m. on the 24th. It was not too cold so I did not need to go out early to start the car.

9:35 a.m. I got bundled up headed out the door and pull the car key from my pocket. Only to realize that it is shorter. Significantly shorter. I stared at it stupidly for a moment as I tried to figure out if it was always this short and I was a moron or had it broken.

Tried it on the car door. Nope not working. Called the ex’s home phone. No answer. Called the ex’s cell. No answer. Call work. Panicked. Nearly in tears. OMG I am going to be late for work. Called my boss hoping to catch her so she could pick me up. The one time she forgets her phone at home. Called P one of my besties and fearing I had woke her up hesitantly asked if she could come and give me a ride to work. She could.

I came back in the apartment. Called work. I am trying to figure out how to get home after work. How do I get to work on the 26th? I am on holidays next week so could deal with it then. I text the ex and let him know what had happened. I was at a loss.

As I climbed the stairs to wait for P tears in my eyes I stopped suddenly. What the hell?

‘Jay,’ I said to myself a little sternly, ‘this is something that is completely out of your control. You did not make the key snap. You did not do any of this. So why are you getting so worked up? There is nothing you can do right now so calm down.’

And like that I did. My heart settled and I no longer felt as though on the verge of a panic attack. I felt so powerful taking back my ability to control myself and my emotions. I did not lose it as I would have before. Cursing and angry. I realized that I was not going to allow this small thing to derail my day.

Off I went to work and used the story as a part of my day. Got the name of a locksmith. Ex came and got my keys. He was going to see what he could do for me. Had a great day at work. And it became even better when ex messaged to say that keys were cut and he would leave them with Tember when he dropped him off. I was ecstatic. And to top it off the ex wished me a Merry Christmas. The keys were my gift.

Two years ago…….a year ago……six months ago……I would have let the whole key situation bother me. I would have been down all day. How could this happen? And at Christmas? Not this time. This time I chose to not allow it to dictate my day.

There is a power in this. I have had another step forward in my personal growth. This is not to say that I am never going to get upset again…..and lose my temper over something so trivial……however if I continue to catch these small things and correct them…..learn from them…..I evolve more and more into the glorious woman I be.

Dec. 26/19

P.S. To top it off I went to lock the apartment door only to have my door key nearly snap off. Thank goodness I can use Tember’s. Never rains but pours……And I am still smiling. 🙂