All Functions Normal

When I went to see my doctor in February we talked about my liver.

And decided that we would do a liver function test but I wanted to wait until it had been a full year of not drinking before I went.

I guess for me that was the magic number.

I wanted one full year of my liver living clean.

I have been incredibly worried and scared.

I had from mid-July onward and finally I broke down on Monday and went in at 7:30 a.m.

I had a doctor call that afternoon and I mentioned that I had only just gone in for the test.

It is not just the alcohol that my liver has had to contend with.

I began taking pills in 1999.

Summer of.

And while the addiction to T1’s grew over time and I would stop taking them for a period only to start again.

That was a lot of acetaminophen over a long long time period.

Add in the alcohol too and well…..

I never heard back from the doctor Monday so I was going with the old adage no news is good news.

Yesterday morning I was sitting here messaging with M and my phone pinged off that I had a new text message at the same time that my notification also went off for my email.

Now generally the only other times it does this is when I have dental appointments scheduled/doctor appointments or my hydro bill shows up.

I flicked open my messages and my heart stalled 😱😱😱😱:

You have received a new message from……

Use your one time code to log in.

I clicked on the link.

I entered in my one time code.

I entered in my birthday.

I hesitated before I hit send because my natural instinct was to bury my head in the sand.

I did not want to know.

I was sure that it had to be bad news.

Why else would I have received a text?

When I opened up the message the first words I saw were Good News!

Followed by your liver functions are all normal.

I burst into tears. 😭😭😭😭

Like ugly sobbing and I called M.

Who was soaking in the tub and snarled at me demanding to know why I was calling to disturb her zen bath time.🛀🛀🛁

I am bawling my eyes out barely able to talk which then leads to slight panic on M’s end.

Finally I was able to stutter out it was a good cry and told her why.

Read her my numbers.

She promised to check them out at work last night but she had a busy crazy night so I will let it slide for now. 😂😂😂😂

I called mom too and scared her.

Even as I sit here writing this I have tears rolling down my cheeks.

All the big ones have been checked off the list.

Brain.

Kidneys.

Liver.

Internal female stuff.

I have a year’s reprieve before I get to smoosh my boobs and get a finger up the…..

©Sept. 1/21

Picture is my own

Framily****

997 days.

160 days.

These are numbers I am very proud of.

997 days.

3 years and 2 days since I broke up with my pill addiction.

And I have not looked back.

I have not taken anything stronger than Motrin for pain.

For the last two week I have been in pain.

Icing shoulder.

Heating shoulder.

T has rubbed my anti-inflammatory into my shoulder.

I have used on my elbow and upper arm.

I am now down to a dull throb and twinge.

I have a very high pain threshold.

This pain though I cried a few times from it.

And the thought skipped through my mind that it was ok.

I could get the muscle relaxants and use them for pain management only.

But as soon as I thought it I chased it away.

I have come too far to take the chance.

160 days.

5 months and 10 days since I broke up with alcohol.

And much like my break up with the pills I have not looked back.

My sense of smell has begun to come back.

I can smell very strong smells but the subtle smell of coffee/baking bread at work I was not catching them.

I am now.

Dreams.

I know I am dreaming.

Real dreams.

Creative dreams.

I am still not remembering every night but I am dreaming.

A lot of it has triggered deja vu moments at work.

Guess I dream a lot about work.

Or am taping into some psychic ability I am completely unaware of.

If so though I am a boring psychic dreaming of day to day activities.

I have a character awakening.

For the first time in years.

When I say years I am talking about since I was a teenager.

She is skulking around in there.

Maybe not skulking……

lol she just popped out from the shadows and insists that she is skulking.

I awaken each morning early.

Without a hangover feeling like death warmed over.

There is a little extra in the bank.

Not that I can see it but my bank tracking app keeps reassuring me that I am still spending $100 less than usual.

And I can only go up from there.

I am struggling this year with my mood.

Not that I am sliding into depression but the whole year is enough to wear down even the eternal optimist.

I know that this will pass or rather our lives will evolve in such a way as to incorporate the new norms and we will move forward.

However I miss being hugged.

I miss being touched.

I miss male companionship.

There I have said it.

Now no one needs to save me or anything y’all know my feelings here.

Remember my friend called me a cat in relationship style.

One cannot fault me there.

This has been a year of growth and learning.

A year of trials and tribulations.

A year where I have been open about my struggle maintaining good mental health.

A year where I began to explore different aspects of self in life and in my writing.

A year where I have faced some facts about myself that I do not like and work to change them.

A year where…..

I am grateful to 2020 for giving me the strength to finally quit drinking.

I am grateful to 2020 for giving me more time with T and the fun we have.

I am grateful to 2020 for preparing me for the start of the teen years.

Could raising a teenager really be that much harder than surviving 2020?????

I am grateful to 2020 for being a year of introspection and inner growth.

Most of all I am grateful for everyone of you.

I have made friends/family connections within these blogs.

I cannot always read and comment as I want to but I am a silent stalker.

I can always be real without fear of scathing words thrown back at me.

I can always be me.

From My Christmas to Yours thank you all for being a part of my………..

Drum roll please…..

****Framily~Friends & Family Combined.

©Dec. 25/20

Picture is my own

I was informed I was too old to do this.

So I did it.

And took a picture to prove it.