Untitled Poem

Little girl
voice a silent whisper
those who should have protected
fell short.
Turned their blind eyes
away from the pain
thought that it would go away
the devastation they did cause
who cared
for they were not the ones
carrying the burden.
Screams resound
bounce from one wall
to the next
gripping my head
trying
determined
wishing
that these memories were dead.
I see
I remember
did you know you were in the room?
Guess when you are the only one
to feel
to remember
to live in anguish
everyone else can ignore
unless they stare down at you
make you feel like a whore.
Oct. 23/18
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
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Silent Times

I live in my head.
At times it can be
too much
too little
a constant stress for me.
I write words so beautiful
yet when I am called upon
there is no eloquence
no ability
to not stumble over my tongue.
I know it is intense.
Were you to have a glimpse
see within
roiling
tossing
the way sparks fly
not one thought
sticking to me
you may run in fear.
When I become too tired
unable to contain
I retreat into silence
shutting down
blocking everything out
for if I do not
insane I will be.
Oct. 22/18
Photo by Wei Ding on Unsplash

Plain Jane

***This is the start of a story poem. I really enjoyed writing it.***

Pretty colors
dance along the walls
eyes following
tracing
seeing insanity written.
Vivid
brilliant
blinding
bewildering
the list goes on.
Emotions I feel
when the pills run out
and the little girl comes out to play.
Locked in a cell
thinking I have no escape
’til along came my other half
the badass bitch.
Compared to me
Plain Jane.
With the wave of her hand
the lock clicks free
I am able to follow
ready to run through the night.
I feel myself fading
as I become a part of Badass Jane
knowing
I was in for some fun.
Sept. 6/18

The End

***This is not an indication of how I am feeling. I got the first line and the rest flowed through.***

Tides of crimson
washing over
absolving the sins
that father visited upon me.
No matter the tears cried
pleas
begging
desperation
I was ignored
rejected
kept close by a man
who thought to rape
destroy
raze
my inner self
so I did only what I could.
Tendons shredded
veins split
watch the blade slice in
blood welling
tears flowing
this is how it ends.
Oct. 21/18
Photo by Stephany Lorena on Unsplash

Shunned

Spirals of fear
spin through my mind
hypnotizing
enamoring me
so that I do not see the monster
creeping close.
I feel his hot putrid breath
caress my neck
hackles raising
my hand tightening
I had sworn this would not happen again.
Slimy
filth encrusted lips
brush my ear
shrill scream wrenched from my body.
Whirling
I bring the sword down
cleaving the monster in two
puff
gone
in a flash of smoke
it had never been there.
Nightmare
same
night after night
wishing I could find respite
knowing that it will never find me
eternally I shall be shunned.
Sept. 6/18

Muse (Yet another Love Poem)

I suddenly realized
oh shit
you have sunk your teeth
into my neck
licking at my wounds.
I seriously do not get it
I was so far removed
but you….
you
make me smile
make me cry
(not in the bad way)
make me realize
just what it means to be loved.
I long for you
your arms around
but oh my god
I know what an explosion it will be
when we come together.
Baby
you have sealed the rift
the one that shook my soul
you told me you loved me
expecting nothing in return.
I have told you my secrets
I have shown you my soul
and what did you do?
Wrapped your arms around
holding me secure.
You scare me.
The intensity of what I feel
knocks me to my knees
what you have shown me
honestly
has taken me by surprise.
You accept me.
Not the ‘me‘ that I portray
to the world at large
the smiling
happy
always on woman
who knows how to make them feel special.
You see…
the angst
the darkness
holding me tight
wrapped within your embrace
knowing I am safe.
Always…..
I know
you are there for me
when I need it most
not turning away
fighting for my heart.
Baby
let me tell you
I do fear
six years older
what will happen?
This is my anxiety.
My failure.
I project
I foresee
(although well not well)
a time when you will walk away.
I do not trust
my voice
my soul
my brain
I do not believe
that I am worthy
cherished
treasured
you show me that I am wrong.
Baby
I cannot say
how you have healed me
taught me
loved me
taken me in your arms
you have shown me
the truth of it all.
So strange to say
but you are the poet
and I……
the muse.
Oct. 21/18

Emotional Abuse

I wonder
do you feel regret?
You tore away
eroded
destroyed
my self-esteem
my self-worth
made me feel so less
that I could not see the truth.
I say I am sorry
all the time
preventative measures
for when I do wrong.
Unconditional love
does it really exist?
I am so afraid
for the only love I have known
came with strings attached.
Compliment me
I cannot accept
will turn it aside with
‘a yes but…..’
Terrified
that I once more
will be abandoned
deserted
discarded
I erect walls
that grappling hooks cannot breach.
Emotional abuse….
you made me doubt
you made me fear
you made me worthless.
Today
I take it back.
My reality.
No fear.
For I am worth it.
September 24/18
Photo by Alex Wigan on Unsplash