No Longer The One

Did you think that I would never know?

Never recall?

Or shy from the pain those memories bring

shoveling down

covering with addiction;

but I knew

in the back of my mind

where the locked chest

of things I do not want to deal with

of things I do not want to acknowledge

resides.

Destroyed my childhood.

Destroyed my teenage years.

Destroyed me as a young adult.

It took me a long time

to right the wrong I did to myself

in the name of the father

who harmed me so.

Your voice

no longer the one on repeat

your face

no longer able to haunt my dreams

your death

took from me the ability to make you pay

so I use my imagination instead.

©Sept. 21/22

Until Only I Remain

*** I am alright. My creativity for poetry seems to have returned. These are again my ability to recall those dark days of depression.

Pieces of me

siphoned off

shorn off

leaving

patchwork quilt

scars

broken dreams

lost within

a brewing mimosa

despair

pain

screams of

why?

What did I do?

When does it end?

Where does it end?

Never

the vile voice whispers

I will always remind

pathetic

stupid

no one loves you

until there will be nothing

there will be no one…..

but me.

Your bully’s voice

bringing to fruition all I predicted.

Shuddering in defeat

curled inward

that voice

shouting

screaming

blocking out all others

until he is right

all are gone but his voice

beating at me over and over and over

from within my own mind.

©Sept. 20/22