No Longer The One

Did you think that I would never know?
Never recall?
Or shy from the pain those memories bring
shoveling down
covering with addiction;
but I knew
in the back of my mind
where the locked chest
of things I do not want to deal with
of things I do not want to acknowledge
resides.
Destroyed my childhood.
Destroyed my teenage years.
Destroyed me as a young adult.
It took me a long time
to right the wrong I did to myself
in the name of the father
who harmed me so.
Your voice
no longer the one on repeat
your face
no longer able to haunt my dreams
your death
took from me the ability to make you pay
so I use my imagination instead.
©Sept. 21/22

Until Only I Remain

*** I am alright. My creativity for poetry seems to have returned. These are again my ability to recall those dark days of depression.
Pieces of me
siphoned off
shorn off
leaving
patchwork quilt
scars
broken dreams
lost within
a brewing mimosa
despair
pain
screams of
why?
What did I do?
When does it end?
Where does it end?
Never
the vile voice whispers
I will always remind
pathetic
stupid
no one loves you
until there will be nothing
there will be no one…..
but me.
Your bully’s voice
bringing to fruition all I predicted.
Shuddering in defeat
curled inward
that voice
shouting
screaming
blocking out all others
until he is right
all are gone but his voice
beating at me over and over and over
from within my own mind.
©Sept. 20/22
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