Tranquil Fluidity

Wind whipped hair
waves cresting
slamming into the shore
spumes spraying
soaking my toes.
I can no longer go on
can no longer cheer
I am so tired
I am so alone
I am so……
scared.
Embarking upon a journey
into heart
into health
into self
unsure what I am going to find
who I am going to find
only know that I must go on
discover what I may
about this strange woman I see in the mirror.
A smarter
stronger
resilient woman
one who cries at movies
one who laughs with no regard
as to how others are going to see her.
No longer am I an errant child
unable to see my way.
I reach out
tentative at first
with growing confidence
taking hold of my dreams
taking charge of my destiny.
No longer do demons chew
upon my nightmares
spewing black
vile poison
seeping into my pores
burning through my senses.
I found freedom.
I found my truth.
I found forgiveness.
I found peace. 
©August 28/19
Picture is mine.
Matlock Beach 2019

Awakening

Surreal
traipsing through alleyways
on the search
unsure what I hunt for
only knowing
it must be here.
Stalking
I wander lost
unable to get ahead
yet never falling behind.
Elusive
slipping like a shadow before
there goes my love
on the run again.
So abused this heart of mine
choosing to shelter in the pain
choosing damage over health
choosing…..
to be chained
to be locked 
to be shackled.
Hiding behind a door 
welded shut 
with bars across.
No one gets in.
No one gets out.
Gingerly I knock upon the door
worried at what I might find
a wisp of Hotel California
playing in my mind.
Bars fell
door unmagiced
opens
slowly I enter.
In the corner
no longer sobbing
is that small part of me
who still loves with abandon
who believes in beauty
who believes in the possibility of everything.
Vast smile on her face
she squeals
delighted to see me
ready to go.
I gather my love.
I gather my heart.
I leave behind sorrow.
I leave behind pain.
I leave behind the worst.
My love looks in
black night
shadows dancing
squeals and disappears.
I feel my heart bloom.
Sorry to say
my hospitality for my new tenets
was very poor
so they did decay
a small pile of ashes
with no power at all.
©May 21/19
Picture found via Pinterest by The Eclectic Contrarian.

Believe

Coffee wafts through the air
senses becoming alert
no time to feel despair
no time to stop and relate
life is such a busy state
never a chance to recall
the missed times of childhood late.
Love
Misery
Divorce
Life
Reboot
Recall
Re-love?
Sunshine and swing sets
parks and long walks
children laughing
corn fattening
this is what memories play.
Work
Bills
Lawyers
Alcohol
Drugs
Fall
Get up
Give up
Come clean
Reconnect
Re-dream?
Cabin in the summer rain
war played on the carpet
memories that do explain
all about happiness.
I am not as lost as I feel to be
I am not as unfounded
ungrounded as I view myself. 
Within me lays the strength of the Titans
Within me lays the power to be
Within me lays the well of hope
all I need to do is believe. 
©Jay-lyn Doerksen
April 29/18