Learning to Live

Tears
cold
desperate
trace a route
over gaunted cheeks
blooded lips
as I stare in the window
picture a scene
of warmth
of love
one I have been left out of.
I thought…..
silly woman that I am…..
feelings ran true
through you
only to discover that the lies you spoke
broken promises made
a habit of which you cannot be broke.
Silken words
wrapped like ribbons around my heart
tugging
pulling
opening me up
to pain
to dismay
to disgust with myself.
Watching
sadness
your attempt to appease your guilt
drink away
smoke away
you know
in your heart
that you have done me wrong.
Even were you to whisper I am sorry
were you to gather me in your arms
coming back
no longer an option.
I have learned to live without you.
March 1/19

Pauper’s Wounds

Blooded steps
sparkling
shredding
spearing
glass shards
embedded in my soles
disabling me
as I attempt to walk through.
Brambles clutch
piercing
gouging
stabbing
beneath my skin
more blood flows
I give in.
My fault really.
I took those words to heart
played princess to the pauper
never listened
never heard the
lies embedded.
It was only with the interloper’s arrival
that it began
the decimation
of love shared.
No account
no words spoken
but suddenly
I am the bad guy.
The one who wants too much
who wants to provide happiness
who wants to make life easier.
Forgive me
silly am I
to think that a man wants a partner
who compliments
not competes with him.
What do I do?
Shrug my shoulders?
Turn around and walk away?
Pathetic thing is
I love so much
I am willing to wait.
Wait….
no that is my imagination
for love is not suppose to hurt
this way.
There will come a day
beware of that
when I will finally have enough
will walk away.
No looking back
regrets burned
think carefully.
Is a bitch
ready to spread her legs
lacking so in respect
really the desired want?
I suppose
nay
I know
that if I were respected
if I was truly loved
no enticement
would
could
drive to baser needs.
What a fucking brutal truth.
Fires burn
rage
bridges erupting
soon as foot is placed
for I am protecting myself.
No longer
never again
will I give anyone
power over me.
November 24/18
Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash