Tamed

Filigree
gold
silver
laced together
form a chain
wound tight around my frame.
Holding me.
Capturing me.
Imprisoning me.
Scalding tears
soak the sheer cloth I wear
striping away
lies
illusions
fantasies 
grown under summer sun.
I struggle to break free.
The chain becomes entangled
knotted
warped
an ever tightening pressure
I fight against.
Breathing heavily
scared
determined
I must be gone
before master comes home.
Too late
I hear the key in the lock
there he stands
frown upon his face.
‘My little butterfly
why do you continue to try to fly?’
Chain smoothed by touch.
No longer unable to breath.
Head hung in shame.
I have been tamed.
December 9/18
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
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Beast

Words.
Spoken.
Violent
vicious
inane
hurtful
slash my soul.
Are you looking to get out tonight?
I see you
see me
see that fucking reality?
You care not.
Believing
I will always crawl back.
I will not.
My tears
rubbed clear
you hate me
so it seems
when you look the other way.
Anger you feel?
Rage sears my thoughts.
I am better than she.
Fuck me.
Fuck her.
Fuck you.
Started from the bottom
flipping the finger
all came here.
Follow the flagstones
dripping droplets
liquid
crimson
shoulders shrugged
who understands
which one
which is it
which
path am I to follow?
Give
take
watch out baby
you
me
truth
love
we see….
does not matter.
Voices
unrepentant
unresponsive
all I know.
I make you….
feel
hurt
ache
make….
omg
what do I do?
How do I fake
feelings?
Love.
Desire.
Hate.
I hear the words.
I see the truth.
I feel the pain.
Tongue torn loose
words swallowed
I will not become that beast.
December 7/18
Picture is one of my own taken Summer 2017

Always You (Love Poem)

Standing along the shore line
tiny wavelets licking my toes
mauve
purple
golden
the sunset.
I see you in the distance
walking towards
my heart skips a beat
as I know
I will be in your arms tonight.
promoting me
encouraging me
helping me
to be the best woman
the one you know exists
beneath the bluster
fear
and pain.
Loving
trusting
desiring
lost within your eyes.
You are my first thought
my last thought
every thought in between.
When good things happen
you are the first to hear.
When bad things happen
you are the first to know.
Love walked in
slamming that door open
banging it against the wall
at a time when
I was so sure I was broken.
So many times
so many chances
fate keeps getting in the way.
I run to you
water splashing
caring not as I get soaked to the skin.
You gather me
picking me up
as we do a silent dance.
Within your arms there is hope.
Within your heart there is love.
Within our future
a story to be built.
Always you.
Forever.
Eternal.
A flame burning bright.
Always it will be you.
December 5/18
Picture is one of my own taken Summer 2017

Buh Bye

I bleed.
Scarlet ribbons
maroon manacles
chaining me to your side.
Truth
lie
liar
a lineal line.
Addiction
lover’s lane
go ahead
fuck you
fuck her
don’t expect me to wait.
Fuck you finger rises
will never let you see
pain
desire
hope
within me.
You thought
(falsely I must say)
that the love I held
would lead your way.
Pummeled by words
broken in two
I need to protect myself
so good bye to you.
 
December 4/18
Photo is one of my own taken Summer 2017

Thank You

Battered my shields
rent free
creating a gap to crawl through.
I tried to keep you out.
Scars ripped anew
promises made
no one will hurt you
whispered in my ear
as fear paralyzed my body.
I cannot believe.
You wore me down
demanded that you know all
swore to me
were I to open up
you would not leave
as all the others did.
I opened up.
I gave you my history.
My dreams.
My nightmares.
I laid my soul bare.
I trusted
despite that voice.
The one screaming at me.
Telling me
you were laughing.
All I was…..
a joke.
Woked the hell up
sin danced before
paraded
no love lost
for no love was had
only convenience.
How could you do this?
I am not strong.
I am no Valkyrie.
I am a broken woman.
Pieces scattered
always one missing
never whole
shattered glass
broken hearts
why did I let you in?
Let you open that door
make me feel
make me dance
only to rip the rug out
from beneath my feet.
Spinning
spanning
tell all the tales you need
to assuage your guilt
even as you scream at me.
Demanding I beg
forgiveness
yours to give.
Ummmmmm……..
Well now…..
I am sure
that I had not hand in this.
I did not guide you into her.
I did not stand there
waving a whip.
‘Should ye not perform
I shall strike thee
with this cat o’nines.’
Self deprication.
It tis myself
I should be flaying
for having fallen for gilded tongue.
This blackened carcass
yours to feast upon.
My heart
melts in your mouth
tainting smooth words
no one shall listen.
All they will hear
is my desolate moan
crying out
realizing that the words
not the actions were true.
Fuck you.
Fool
I am
am I.
No one to blame.
My romantic heart
re-locked
re-caged
steel reinforced
wire wrapped around
never to be loosed again.
Thank you for that.
December 1/18
Picture is mine taken Summer of 2017

Shrieking Shrew

Lies
dripping poison
making me scream
why are you such an ass?
Venom
lick my lips
flick my tongue
watch as you writhe in pain.
No hurt
no tears
no emotions
oh dear
turns out that I know not how to love.
Bloated fears
wicked temper
blood red vision
contemplating the sin.
Shrieking shrew
raging
spewing spittle
became a joke
to you and her.
head bowed in shame
in distaste
not my finest moment
not my finest anything.
I am not the woman
staring out of the mirror at me.
Red eyed Medusa
snakes hissing
striking
poised on the edge
I have become rabid…….
this is not who I am.
December 1/18

Untitled Poem #10

Time slows
stand still
watch the birds fly away.
Take moments
hesitations
turn away from this pain.
Darkly
thoughts turn
no longer wanting
needing only
to not feel like this
anymore.
Grey landscape
I plod along
head down
there is no where else to go.
Century upon century
you will find us all alike
broken
dejected
a closed off heart.
Colors are gone
aching
wrenching
tears slip and flow.
Stare at me not
look away
I would rather fade
lost in the dark
than stay here another day.
November 27/18
Picture was taken by me summer of 2017.