There is a Reason I wear Glasses

More than once I have bemoaned the fact that I wear glasses. My vision was amazing, 20/20 until Jan/Feb 1983.

My amma passed in Dec. 1982 and I was devastated. She was my person. I thought she would live forever. The first person I lost in my life and too this day even I still think about her and miss her.

My Amma approx 1982

Actually that is incorrect. The thinking part I mean. But as time passes and you live your life, there are memories that come to mind but more times has passed of her being gone than being in my life so yes, I miss her, but she comes to mind because something has been triggered and I recall a memory.

Also, a while back I was doing a meditation…..

I need to back up a bit.

This meditation app I downloaded has one called Journey through the Universe. At the beginning it talks about how you are going to travel through time, meeting ancestors. Those who have gone before, who love and care for you.

The first time that I did this meditation, I saw my grandma and grandpa. My mom’s parents. Together. I felt tears slip down my cheeks but soon after fell asleep.

I did the meditation a few more times but during the ancestor part, I never saw anyone again. Could be I am a clean slate-although I doubt it-I believe it is more a matter that I put a face to the body that I was familiar with-still an ancestor and still a part of my past. Just not my far far past.

The last time that I did this meditation I got a bit of a jolt. So much of a jolt that I immediately sat up and turned the meditation off. When it got to the part about seeing people in the distant walking towards you and these are your ancestors I saw my amma and my dad. Whoa! I sat up for about 10 minutes or so trying to re-center myself.

I have armed myself pretty heavily against my dad invading it. I do not like to think about him. However, well and ain’t this a surprise, but lately he has been burbling up in my head/mind/memories. Not bad ones. Not the destruction he wrought on me but the times when he was a dad.

Well and now was that not a side step into a psychological area I do not think I am ready to explore. At least not at the moment.

So, when amma passed in ’82, the early months of ’83 found me sick with Scarlet Fever. Yes, you are reading that right. The illness that caused Mary Ingalls to go blind. Even my doctor was shocked that I had such an old fashioned illness. And soon after my eyes began to deteriorate.

Now hard veer to the right and let’s get back to the reason behind my actual story. And the title.

Lately when I get up, Thomas is quick to move into my spot. And I thought last night was no different.

I woke up around 12:30 and had to go to the bathroom. Also was hungry so went scavenging through the cupboards. Decided on a piece of chocolate bunny. T came out to see what I was doing.

I popped the last piece of chocolate in my mouth and headed back to bed.

From the counter where I stood, I could see Thomas in my spot.

I am coming back!

I went to crawl into bed and he did not move. So I put my hand out to push him away. I found myself pushing my pillow.

And this is why I wear glasses.

Grandma’s Belief

My grandma was born in 1919. She lived through the Great Depression. She lived through World War II. She was an amazing woman.

Could she be distant? Yes. But as she aged she became softer.

I remember having a conversation with her about losing your virginity and how books totally lied. She agreed. That was the closest she came to admitting to carnal knowledge.

Grandma use to collect people. She never learned to drive so she took the bus everywhere. And being a little old lady she was fairly set in her routine.

People would sit down next to her and the next thing they knew they were telling her their life story and things they often were surprised to have just told a stranger. Grandma was magical. Mom once explained it by saying it is because that person becomes the sole focal point. She would look into their eyes as they spoke. Asked questions.

Yesterday I was facing and one of my regulars was pursuing the apple sauce. We said hello and I asked how she was.

She said good all things considering. I looked at her and she blurted out that she was going for surgery. That she had done the radiation and now Monday she was going in.

I was on my knees and when she finished I stood up. She looked at me a little puzzled and said I don’t know why I told you that. I said it is something I got from my grandma. Her magic.

I told her I would send out lots of healing white light to her and keep her in my thoughts. But that I could not say anything more because I would cry. And she said she would to. So I said I would think of her and we went our separate ways.

I eealized that it had been a while since I had thought of grandma.

One of the last conversations I had with my grandma she told me something that kind of shocked me. Truth be told I did not realize how she viewed me.

‘Out of everybody Jay, you are the only one I never worried about. You are the one most like me.’

I miss my grandma a lot today. So I thought I would write about her.