It’s Only 4 or Close your Door!

Yesterday morning was the start of my holidays.
A full day’s worth.
You would think that I would sleep in no?
No.
3:36 a.m.
Loki is crying and comes to drape himself across my neck.
We are cuddling and I am scrolling my headlines when he tries to bite my chin.
Me: Loki stop it. We have had this conversation before. Stop biting my chin!
Of course he ignores me and licks my chin.
Bites it.
 Me: Loki do not bite my chin.
Mumble mumble mumble.
It is not Loki talking.
Me: Tember?
T: Close your door.
Me: What? (getting out of bed and putting slippers on. Turn light on and make bed)
T: Mom go back to bed it is only 4!
Me: Yeah I know but I am awake. LOL and I thought you were telling me to close my door.
T: No mom just wondering why you are awake.
Me: Why are you awake?
T: I was asleep early. Been awake since 3.
He made both pots of coffee.
Damn he makes better coffee than I do.
But I add the fixins better he tells me.
Sit down and from 4 a.m. until 8:30 we talked.
About everything.
His dad’s new friend and her daughter.
Him going to secondary school.
How his buddy wants to go into the marines.
That one was a shock.
I know the kid is only 12 but he will have to put on at least another 100 lbs or his pack will outweigh him.
We talked about politics.
U.S. politics.
At which time I did my best to explain the weird way the US decides on their president.
We decided that the next election here in Canada we are going to educate ourselves and discuss it.
We talked about changing our eating habits.
We talked about his game.
And the weapons.
And the coalitions he was making.
At one point I was only listening with half an ear.
T: says something
Me: Seduction?
T: No mom. Espionage and Sedition.
There was eye rolling as once more I misheard.
That has been a thing of mine lately.
Mishearing or misreading.
It has lead to several very funny conversations that is for sure.
A discussion about age and Chinese food lead to a conversation about the perceived docility of Asian women.
Was messaging about the riot in DC with a friend and he asked if they had broken it up yet.
I read: Have they broken up yet?
To say that I was a little confused until I went back and re-read it is an understatement.
There also have been several new developments that I can only attribute to not drinking.
By the way not to brag or anything but 183 days today.
And I now totally understand why we count by days and not by months.
By counting the days out loud you realize exactly how far you have come.
While 3 years or nigh on 1100 days both sound cool six months as opposed to 183 days does not sound quite as accomplished.
However that is neither here nor there.
Sense of smell.
I know that I have talked about this before.
I have only been able to smell certain heavy scents for the longest time.
Yet yesterday when I got out of the shower I could smell the fresh coffee T had brewed.
Through the bathroom door.
I was sitting on the couch and every so often this sweet scent would waft by and I could not place it.
Finally realized for the first time in a long time I was smelling the candle I was burning.
Dreaming.
Again I have talked about.
How I have been having deja vu moments which I know come from dreams.
So reality based I asked one customer if she had if fact gotten engaged because in my dream she had.
Well Tues into Wed I woke from a dream.
A good dream.
And I knew I was dreaming.
I knew it was an imagination dream.
I do not recall what it was about but damn…….I was dreaming!!!!
Appetite.
Finally coming back.
I ate 4 meals yesterday.
Toast.
Cereal.
French Fries.
Chicken with potatoes and carrots.
Toast again this morning.
I will definitely need to add in exercise.
I was unsuccessful yesterday in cutting down on screen time.
Between just having a lazy day and playing games on the phone and the riots in DC I was glued to the screen.
Today I plan to do better.
I am getting ready to go shopping soon.
Update: Postponed until later.
When I get home I am going to listen to radio or Spotify.
No t.v.
I do have to run into the city for 2 as I have an appt for contact fitting.
I have to go alone as T will be in class so already am feeling a tad anxious about the drive.
I can put it down to the fact that I am having difficulites seeing properly and it will change once I can see clearly again.
My eye sight is not so bad that I am going to kill anyone just blurred around the edges slightly.
Which makes me nervous.
But I am a big girl and I can still see.
Just will be able to see better.
This should really go into the Bad Mom Jokes category but I thought was a fitting end to my post.
T was arguing with me about having to take the garbage out.
His toe hurt.
He had stubbed it on his phone.
Blah blah blah.
So I topped him with the toe nail about to rip off and the fact I thought I had broken my pinkie and it healed wrong.
There is bone sticking out.
Should maybe get that checked out.
Me: And I almost cut my toe off. Well not off but stabbed it.
T: Mom how did you do that.
Me: It slipped through the gap.
T: Why would you have it that way?
Me: It was just the way it was. But I saw it and I jumped back in time…..well not in time time but in time to save my toe.
Cackling at my joke as T shakes his head.
T: Mom you are not that funny.
Me: Yes I am that was funny. Back in time.
T: You know how you tell me I am not funny. Yeah well I am telling you now you are not funny.
Me (petulantly): Well other people think that I am funny.
T: Yeah well others think I am funny too.
Stale mate.
Brief comment about the profile picture.
Loki is growing in leaps and bounds.
And there is no denying I am his person.
He chirps pops up comes running over and lays down on my chest across my arm.
Than he wriggles around until he looks like that.
And purrs.
And purrs.
And wriggles.
And he kept hugging my hand when I tried to move it.
Woke up this morning to Lucky on the top of my pillow.
Thomas laying next to me in the big empty space.
Loki butts passed Lucky and flops down on my neck.
Slides around until he is sitting on my shoulder.
And bites my chin.
©Jan. 7/21
Picture is mine

It’s time for a Stay-cation!

Woke up this morning and for the first time in nigh on three weeks I am not in severe pain.
How did I manage to accomplish this at last?
A massaging ball and a son who was pressed into duty.
I have a ball with poky bits that vibrates.
Roll it around affected area and it kinda works.
Have someone else do the rolling and holy moly it works even better.
Also another perk today is a shift that is only 3 hours.
7 a.m. to 10 a.m.
And than?
This woman is on a week’s holiday.
I am so excited.
I have the floors to wash and a bathroom to clean.
After that I am good to do what holidays are for……relaxation.
My plans.
Read.
Write.
My goals.
Less screen time.
As in playing games/aimlessly scrolling Facebook or news feed.
As in having music playing as background as opposed to the television which is what I use now.
Speaking of goals.
T has come up with a new one.
Sunday his dad dropped him off and he sat on the couch with me.
At one point he looked at the time and made a comment about having spent an hour and a bit with me.
Me: Are you keeping track of the time we spend together?
T: Yeah. This way when you say that we have not spent any time together I can point out that we have.
This is a goal I can get behind.
Yesterday I got home from work and caught him in an after-school nap.
I nagged because the chores were not done.
T sat on the couch listening.
Finally he says to me:
Mom why can’t you celebrate the good I did in ELA today instead of telling me what I didn’t do?
Well as if that is no a bit of a sucker punch.
I do celebrate what you did today and am proud of you. However there are things you were asked to do that did not get done.
Mom it is my first day back after two weeks off.
Yes two weeks off. I worked eight hours. You did school for three. I win.
Mom just let me have today.
If I let you have today you will try to take tomorrow too.
No.
T it is up to me to teach you how to be responsible.
I don’t like responsibility.
You want to get a job. That is responsibility.
No mom I have changed my mind.
Seems like maybe someone is struggling with the arrival of teen-hood.
Right up until that conversation yesterday he has been bugging me to let him get a job.
Or the fact that his dad has a new friend with a small child who has taken a shine to T.
So much so that she was going in to wake him up to play with her.
As an only child I imagine this must be a bit of a shocker for him.
Especially since T was told he might have to babysit a little bit.
The other evening when T was home and we were sitting on the couch chatting I was rubbing cream into my hands.
Well now try and take a metal top off the water bottle.
It was not working.
We had also been talking about my back and walking.
Me (thrusting water bottle at T): Take it off!
T (taking bottle in confusion): Take what off?
Me: I can walk.
T: Take what off?
Me: I am not getting up and walking.
T: Mom what do you want me to take off? Your sweater? Your socks? Your slippers? My shirt? What??????
Me looking at him and bursting out with laughter.
Me: The lid on my water bottle.
I was gasping.
Tears rolling down my cheeks.
T is staring at me like I am insane.
Me (gasping): Omg I thought you were telling me to get up and walk before you took the lid off.
Holding my side my abs hurting I was still gasping for air.
T took the lid off my water bottle and left the room.
Yesterday we split the dishes chore.
I washed.
He dried.
We talked.
We laughed.
I discovered he is within a whisker of being the same height as me.
I look at this son of mine and am equal parts in awe of him and wondering at times how I birthed such a being.
But he is mine.
He has my sense of humor.
He is growing into his own sense of right and wrong.
He is learning.
Some days I wonder where the time has flown to.
He is growing so much.
So quickly.
The other night I apologized to him.
For my behaviour when I was drinking.
For my behaviour when I made him feel a man was more important than him.
I would give anything to be able to take that one back in spades.
He told me that I did not need to.
That he did not even remember the things I was mentioning.
But still…..
I had to apologize to him.
Because for a time I was really not that much of a mom to him.
That is all for me right now folks.
Emmie tends to be the one that is making the most appearances right now.
There are a few tales she would like to tell but as I have written nothing longer then poetry I am struggling a bit.
We have a whole week to spend together though so will see what the two of us come up with.
Oh lordy I better explain in case any did not read a previous post.
Emmie is not my second personality.
Emmie is her own with an adult version called Emmellia.
They are one in the same and reconciled.
They are a character that is developing and reaching out to me.
And a whole week with T.
Who tells me that he is so excited I am going to be home.
Um who took my son and replaced him with this new being?
I guess this is another step in his growing up.
Have a terrific Tuesday lovies.
©Jan. 5/21
Picture is my own