Nonparent

You lie to me
with a straight face
not knowing that I already know
the truth has been presented
via text
bet you wish she didn’t talk to me.
I ask you
nay plead with you
to help me parent
to have my back
to help enforce bedtimes
and electronic time
only to find out
that you think I am unreasonable.
Let us call into question
the parenting style of each
and tell me true….
who is the parent?
who is the friend?
My anger is not unexpected
nor is your response
I thought you could parent
yet I find
that the will is not there.
Stuck in your head as a teenager
you cannot see the damage you have done
he will not follow your parenting style
I will see to that.
He will learn respect
he will learn responsibility
he will learn how to be an adult
with help from me.
Keep it up
I am warning you now
time will be lost
when he realizes the game you play
deciding that you are not worth the time
or energy to stay.
Disappointment oozes in his voice
his eyes shatter with tears
you really are nothing more
than a bastard……dear.
Aug. 19/18
Photo is one of my own.

He kills me……

So this morning, not a good morning for T and me. There was a bit of attitude. There was a bit of a smart mouth. There was a bit of threatening to take away the fishing trip next Thursday and Friday. After all it is my week, I can put my foot down.

Not sure why T thought he could act as he did this morning and there not be any repercussions. I am so tired of it. Tired of cajoling. Tired of threatening. Tired of having to be the mean parent. And that is what I am, the mean parent who puts her foot down so he can become a reasonable adult.

I finally had had enough of it. I was so annoyed with him that I pulled out a line that my own mom used ‘I love you but right now I really do not like you at all.’  He stared at me and said that if I loved him I had to like him too. I assured him that I did not. That I was so sick and tired of listening to him backtalk and be sassy. I deserve to be respected.

When he left for school he gave me a hug and kiss. Told me that he loved me. I locked the door behind him only to have him knock on it a few seconds later. It was cold out and he wanted his sweater. I took the time to adjust his backpack straps and again sent him on his way.

I felt horrible after he left. I do not want to be a bitch all the time. I do not want to always be telling him that he has a smart mouth. That he needs to respect me. I wish and as mom also use to say ‘if wishes were horses beggers would ride’ that it would be easy. But it is never easy raising a child alone. No matter the fact that I have the Ex who is suppose to be helping but he chooses to be a friend more so than a parent. I see that and I know that.

This whole post is suppose to be about laughter.  Yet it is more of a dark depressing post.

T and me for the most part, do have a good time together. We laugh a lot. He tells me the corniest jokes ever. And I snort at them while trying not to. He gets my silly sense of humor because his is much like my own. I read him Little Fears when it makes me snort giggle or go pshaw and he chortles along with me.

The picture I chose is from yesterday. He is doing a Fortnite dance for me. Wearing his shorts that had only moments before been pulled up to his armpits. Due to his growth I bought him men’s small on the weekend. And I was giggling away while also trying to maintain a straight face because he was suppose to be getting ready for school. That is what our mornings are suppose to be like. Him telling me stupid jokes and us laughing together.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? 

Banananana Banananana (Every time that he tells me that one I groan and laugh at the same time.)

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