Melancholic Memories

Remembrances
days past
times of yore
yearned for
thought of
sitting on the floor.
Laughter rings
dancing in the rain
adults as children did act
leaping
building sand castles.
Innocence regained
if for a moment.
Thunder ripped
lightening roared
shattered peace
brutal fears
waves crash upon the shore
torn asunder
adrift
lost to one another.
Sip from wine
tears track
within these pages
rose pressed
slowly turns to dust.
©May 27/20
Picture via Pinterest

Loved Anew

First time he laid eyes upon
angry tears shed
storming down the street
neither left nor right
did she look.
Muttering to self
blaming once more
eagerness
desire for love
driving away another moron.
Second time he laid eyes upon
struggling
cursing up a southern storm
when help offered
scorned with derision
he knew
this little lady was his.
He did what a wise man did
laid siege
kindness
laughter
friendship
begrudgingly she moved
allowing him in.
Hard-headed she was
he had to break down the walls
erected
built
brick by brick
by so many lesser men.
One day upon wild hill
he turned to her
pulled her near
kissed her with ferocity
she had never before knew.
Stars
shone from gleaming eyes
her heart she loosed
to this man beside.
He took it with care
bound with gold
tucked it next to his own.
Man and wife
they did become
for he saw
the shining beauty she was.
©May 4/20
Picture via Pinterest

First Kiss

Sidelong glance
dazzled
heat sizzles in the air
from the moment that I saw you
from the moment you first smiled
I felt my heart
thaw
expand within my chest.
No expectations
asked me for a walk
raised eyebrow
so old fashioned
such charm.
Stroll through the garden park
sweet song of evening birds
scent of freshly mowed grass
my eyes linger upon your lips
even as the melody of your voice
caresses my bare skin.
Take my hand
thumb caresses my palm
I giggle
shy
hair falling to hide my face
I quake
with desire
with fear
I want to be free
I want to open myself to ye
hold back
I am unable to let you in
I will not let you see.
You tip my head back
fingers caress my throat
along the curve of my cheek
your fingers curling in my hair.
I glance at your lips
licking mine
looking up at you
you come closer to me
your breath warm on my face.
My breath
short gasps
your mouth covers mine
I groan.
Soft
tongue tapping
message of desire
fireworks explode
within the twilight.
©Dec. 5/19
Picture via Pinterest

Pain’s Soft Embrace

Softly whispered words
lick my skin like satin
calling forth
a craving
a desire
a yearning
for the touch of your hands
the touch of your lips
your body pressed to mine.
Wind around me
capture my heart
protect the innocence I cherish
protect the woman I am
protect the love we share
please don’t let us burn.
Flashes of passion
day after day
until disease came to town.
A rotting worm
weaseling in between
flaunting her deadly smiles.
With a snap of her fingers
you are gone.
Melancholic tears
haunting melody
my yesterday fades away
setting sun
crimson gold
my life undone.

©Oct. 4/19
Picture is my own.
Matlock Beach.

Melodious Love

I pick out a gentle melody
fingers dancing
over ivory keys.
Lost….. 
times
past
present
never the future
for than
you are not with me.
My love
sing a song
hearts murmur
desire rising
all I can think of…..
is ye.
Haunting
tears
affair of the mind
body
soul
I can still feel the warmth of your hand
small of my back
warm breath on my neck.
Dust motes
dancing through beams of sun
of our days
nights together
passion burning
through the fire.
I yearn
once more
to feel you
to taste you
to blend my body to yours.
Plaintive melody
strands of silk
bind
tether
tie us together…..
shall we continue to make
the same mistakes?
April 18/19
Picture via Pinterest found by The Eclectic Contrarian.

Miss You

I miss you
miss your arms around me
miss the smile you give me
when what I say
it makes sense to you.
You listen to me
listen like no one has ever done
making me wonder
who you are
what your game is with me.
Why do you reach out?
Why do you make me feel?
I was content for it to be playful
no emotions
no feelings.
You changed the game
or was it me?
And now we look at one another
eyes hooded with lust
with desire
with trust.
All I want to do
is crawl into your arms
to have you stare into my eyes
I want to wrap my legs around
draw you close
baby please draw me near.
We are scared
we are daring
we want one another
what we don’t want
is the pain
the fear
that we carry in our hearts.
Aug. 22/18

My Best

Picture via Facebook. Created by @treeowl

I am at my best. Every time I push myself to write. Every time I have an idea. I no longer strive for perfection. I am happy how I am. I will grow and evolve but always as I do I will be doing my best.
“I am a woman with dreams that I am finally ready to persue. I am beginning to think that this is my evolution and I am awakening from hibernation.”
I wrote both of those statements yesterday in regards to myself. I was having a conversation with a friend at the time. And after I made both of these, I had a profound sense of relief. That another piece of the puzzle has slide into place.
Recently when asked to do something, my response has been ‘I will do my best.’ Prior to this, I would take on more and more work or tasks pushing myself beyond the limits that I impose on others so as to not overwork and burn them out. But not Jay. Jay is Superwoman and she can go for years on empty with a false smile on her face. (Yes I realize that I wrote about myself in the 3rd person but I have found another topic for myself to ponder) I do have limits though. I may crash through all the barriers before I come to the firey crash but it will end. And away I go down a road of disrepute.
Back to my best. My best is going to have to be good enough. For those who are use to me going above and beyond, well they are going to have to get use to this me. The me who is not going to keep her fingers on all the pulses. The me who is going to live life and work her job. Not work her life and live her job. The me who is right here, happy and well along the way to healthy. Both physically and mentally.
When the statement ‘I cannot wait to see you at your best’ was made to me, I did not even hesitate to think before shooting back the above response. What do you mean see me at my best? I am at my best. I give my all and if that falls short for you, well my friend I guess you are missing out on this me and you are looking for a me that does not exist. Now I know that he did not mean anything rude by his statement and I did not take it as such.
Yet again it made me think about how I have been in the past. Previously if this comment was made to me, I would have gone into a tailspin. To me that would have meant that I was failing at something and I needed to shore up the defences. I would panic and force myself to work hard, push more. For what? To fall apart when I cannot meet that ideal I have created for myself. No one else did this, this is a reaction that I have built into me. Oh wait, yes someone did help to create this mess but I am already leaving it behind me.
As for my dreams. What do I dream of? I dream of writing every single day. And I do. I dream that I will win the lottery. Haven’t yet but I keep on buying and dreaming. I dream of what T and me are going to do this summer. I dream of romantic dinners and walks under the moon. Ha, that one is a dream dream. I dream.
These are not the dreams I allowed myself before. Before it was all about ensuring that I had my head on straight. Took care of the bills the rent the loan putting food on the table. I was the responsible one at all times. This is not to say that I am going to ditch my responsibilities and run off to live on a beach somewhere (however we will add that to the romance and winning lottery dream) but I am reprioritizing. My dreams are very important. Never again am I going to stifle, deny myself the dreams that I have.
I am shaking the dust off my wings and I am going to soar higher than I have ever been. 🙂