Wallowing In It

Not entirely sure I understand what is going on with me. I am fairly confident that it has to do with my hormones but do not want to use that as an excuse for these moods and tears.

The hot flashes during the day are catchable. I feel the prickly heat start and I can get my sweater off. Suck back water. During the night I am not aware until after the fact.

I thought my night sweats were abating until last night. Or this morning. Right before the clocks moved forward. 1:45 a.m. I waken to an intense feeling of being soggy. Sheets and comforter are grossly wet. I stumbled out of bed to the couch.

Woke up and looked at phone. 3:37 a.m. not restful not as long as it appears when written down. 15 minutes after I laid down the time went to 3 a.m. I crawled into the other side of my bed and dozed until just after 6.

I am grouchy. I am weepy. I want to sit and feel sorry for myself. Wallow in it per se. But as I was sitting here feeling all of this I flashed to something that happened at work yesterday.

One of our regulars came to me for assistance with some gift cards she had purchased as gifts. They were having a hard time using them at the store who told them they could do nothing and to come back to us. That as third party gift cards there are always issues.

She found the one person in the whole store versed on gift cards because it is one of my things. I keep it stocked. I keep on top of scams. I throw away cards that I find in the wrong spot. I throw away packs if I believe they are compromised. I have a system and we have so little fraud because we are on top of it all.

After we talked and I explained everything, I went over her receipt and ensured that the cards she had and the ones scanned were in fact one and the same. All matched.

A little later I was helping a customer when I thought I heard ‘Excuse me Miss’ but was on a mission and kept going. Imagine my surprise when my earlier customer grabbed me to thank me.

She had gone back to the store armed with the knowledge I had given her. One gift card finally worked and the store replaced the others for her. I smiled and told her I was so happy it had worked out.

No, she said, thank you for taking the time to talk to me and explain everything.

So as I sit here wallowing in my feelings of insecurities and sadness there are good things. I am just caught behind a small grey cloud which will soon move onto bluer pastures.

©March 13/22

And Death Rides

Yesterday I vacillated between being ok and being sad.

When I arrived at work the first thing I learned was that a regular customer-a gentleman I have served for the last 18 years-not only at the grocery store

but before that as a waitress-had passed from Covid.

My heart broke.

And then at lunch I made another mistake.

I looked at the obituary page for our area.

And was devastated by what I discovered.

In the last two weeks-14 days-I have had 4 of my regular customers pass away.

4 in 14 days.

4 beautiful healthy seniors who lived life fully gone in a space of days.

One customer I served him last Wednesday.

Sunday he was gone.

I know that I harp on about masks.

I know that I harp on about listening and doing what needs to be done to lessen the impact of this virus until a vaccine is ready.

I know that I harp a lot.

But yesterday the reality came crashing down.

4 people.

14 days.

That my friends is Death by Covid.

I knew there was a reason why I avoided looking at the obits.

©Nov. 20/20

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