The Guardian Works

I was sound asleep. Dead to the world. Middle of a dream. Then it happened. I heard a voice.

Wicked Cats!

I screamed. Scaring mom who was taking the cats to task.

Me: Christ almighty mom you scared the crap out of me!

Mom tutted. I laid back down and went back to sleep. When I woke later I giggled thinking about it.

I text M and told her the story. Which is when I found out that I have a Guardian in my brain.

Well I already knew that I did. He keeps the past hidden behind an iron curtain because I do not need to dwell. I have dealt with the outcome of the abuse I do not need to know every last detail.

However there is another one. She is the warrior. The one who protects me in my sleep, filtering out the sounds that are normal so they do not wake me. However mom’s voice although recognizable penetrated. And I am a screamer. We all know this from the many times I have written about T causing me to scream.

I am delighted to know that my warrior guardian works so well. And she is a kickass badass!

June 12/22

Picture via Pinterest

Scared Again

Last weekend I found out that season 2 of Nancy Drew was on Prime. I was delighted and promptly settled in for the evening.

I sat here and once more was sucked into the story of Nancy Drew, her dad and her birth father. Who her birth mother was. How they were dealing with a supernatural element. It had me glued to the t.v.

Even when I know that there is a scene coming up that is going to scare me I still scream bloody murder. And then I had to go to the bathroom but there was this intense scene coming. Yes I am fully aware that I could have paused it but I am a weird one.

Me: Oh my god. Oh my god! (holds hands to cheeks/peering at t.v.) Jay you are going to scream. You are going to scream. Jay you are going to scream. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

And I covered my eyes. After going into the bathroom I went into T’s room and asked if he wanted to come and watch with me.

T: Mom no. You are just weird. Who stands there telling themselves that they are going to be scared and still gets scared? The neighbors are going to think that you are a strange one.

Several times too T has scared me without meaning to. By appearing in places that he should not be. Like standing in his doorway when I am going into wake him. Coming up behind me when last I saw he was sleeping.

And every time I scream. Then laugh. I do so love to be scared.

Jan. 27/22