Soar the Dawn

Stood
lost upon a plain
a mountain
a chasm
cumbersome load
upon my shoulders
wanting
to lay it down
relieve myself of this burden
carried through time
through years
an albatross
tied
I thought.
Shackled
to wrist
to waist
to ankle
never to be free.
Forever
alone
beneath a mask of fear
catacombs of anger
deadly desires.
Golden rays
break beyond horizon
symbolic
throw away
remnants of past
freeing
finally
from neglect
from dusty shelves
the truth
of my inner self.
©March 21/21
Picture is my own

Unseen Pain is a Bitch

Not quite three weeks pain free.
I was dancing.
I was twirling.
I was not walking into walls or falling over pallets.
But I got cocky.
And the pain is back.
Worse than before.
Sad face is right elbow.
Happy face is left elbow.
Last week I was helping out in a till more often.
And prior to this I had talked to K about making sure I was only in a small till.
And it was working.
Like I said Jay got cocky.
Thought that I had it under control so while helping last week I was in a larger till more than express.
Which means larger orders.
And I fly through them.
I was feeling a bit sore on Friday morning but thought nothing of it.
Friday evening my right arm is throbbing a bit but I can live with it.
I was up with my alarm clock and my arm was throbbing still.
I took some Motrin and left it at that.
Throughout the day the pain became worse.
I put cream on.
Ate half a cookie.
Throughout the evening the pain crept up more and more.
I had done nothing all day long.
Was not sure where the pain was coming from.
I was up and down from 12:48 a.m.
Twice I woke up crying and laid there debating whether or not to go to the hospital.
But for what?
A shot of pain killer?
Which I want to avoid because of my stubbornness and fear.
4:17 a.m. Sunday morning I go into the bathroom and drop a giant CBD Grapefruit Bath bomb into the tub and turn the water on as hot as I can stand it.
My bathtub is narrow and not long.
I can’t sink down to my chin and everything is covered.
I sank down until my neck was covered.
I floated my arm.
Pain eased.
And I drifted off.
I woke up thinking about the name Zara and how strange it was for a Royal name.
Now I know that she is not really Royalty.
Or not considered who knows.
It all is confusing to a Canadian like me.
Also that was a direct headline I had read on Saturday.
The water had cooled considerably so I added some more.
It was 5:45ish when I finally crawled out and made coffee.
Read some emails.
Lathered on more cream.
Pain was finally under control.
I iced.
Used hot water bottle.
A couple of Motrin.
I spent several hours between 6 and 11:30 debating about going shopping.
I had no food for T’s lunches.
Had no salad fixings.
No fruit.
Also wanted a heating pad for my back and shoulder.
I was back home before 1:30.
T helped me to unpack groceries and move the dishwasher.
Made me coffee as I needed to rest my arm.
It was beginning to ache.
I seriously have considered chopping my arm off.
Not really but in the half fantasizing way just to make the pain stop.
Yet truthfully I have nothing at all to complain about.
I will get this back under control.
I will determine best course of preventative measures and follow them.
I will tell cocky Jay to stuff her head up her ass and back off.
There are people out there who every single day…..
every hour…..
every minute…..
every second…..
there is no respite…..
to pulsating
waving
rolling
stabbing
knuckling
pain.
To those of you who fight a daily battle with pain I salute you.
Because the strength that you must have…..
the will……
the determination to not let the pain be who you are…..
I was a sullen mess after two and a half months of pain.
I can only imagine what a wicked mess I would be if it was constant day in and day out.
I would not have the same sunny disposition that I have now.
©March 8/21
Pictures are my own
GIF via Pinterest