Lassitude

I sit with silent lassitude

unable to determine

If I am sane. Or like the rabbit;

have I gone crazy?

I count all my fingers, I count all my toes

I touch my face, my eyes, my nose,

My lips and my ears, am I whole?

The times I have sat before the mirror

the times that I have stared, uncomprehending;

it now all comes together.

For whilst in the darkest of my shadows,

there is no truer delusion than the one that the

Brain does not want to face, that it is no longer

in control, and that the emotions, the tears and the fears

they are the ones manning the barricades.

Barricades that bend and sway beneath the brutal tide

as it tries to break it’s way in, to shred and to eat.

Whilst outside, I am ignorant aware only slightly that

something might be off.

It is only when I begin to really sense the a-kilter of my mind

do I realize that the devil and his minions have come to play

To tear me down and rake my soul, making me believe I can be no more.

Delusions and braggarts, fears and tears, the domicile of my being.

©Jay-lyn Doerksen

Feb 22/17

Kinda Cool

Driving my son to school yesterday and we have a conversation about coolness.  He relates coolness to the clothing he wears or does not wear during the winter months.  Apparently a toque, scarf and mittens are totally uncool.

I explain to him that he is eight years old. At that age no one is cool. I do not care who you are you are not cool at eight.  Also explained that the only time he is allowed to be cool is when he is in high school. We have like six years before we worry about that.

“Hey Buddy just so you know I was not cool either. Not in school and not now.”

“Mom you are totally cool.”

“I am not. Child I am a book reading uncool mom in toque, mittens and boots.”

“Mom me and bf’s name totally think that you are sooooooooo cool.”

I did not know how to respond. I have finally become cool. It has taken me 44 years but there you have it. In the eyes of the one person that it is important for me to be a little bit outstanding, I am cool. Bonus is his bf totally thinks that I am cool too! What a win for the week.