Props…..

Tember after being told where to find his clean clothes:

Tember: Props to you mom for folding my clothes and putting them on the shelf.

Me (after staring at him for a moment or two): I do not need any props from you. What I do need is for you to start doing your own laundry……then I will have props for you! 

He was still giggling as he closed the bathroom door.

***Today if finally dawned on me who Tember reminds me of when he does his chortle giggle: Mutley!

Picture of Mutley found on Pinterest

 

Did You Turn the Lights Out?

Well me and my warped humor have struck again. I have now moved from being the cool funny mom to being ‘that’  mom. And the fact that I laugh at my own jokes seems to make matters worse. But laugh I do. To the point where I am crying. Besides if I don’t mess with Tember’s head who will?
Tember has this really bad habit. Really bad. He turns lights on. Hall. Bathroom. Kitchen. Upper hallway. You name it he turns it on. What he does not do is turn them off. That is right…..no matter how many times I remind him…..nag him……bully him as he would say…..this kid is incapable of turning lights off.
This week the ex dropped Tember off a few nights. Tuesday evening he arrives home knocks on the door and as he opens it hollers ‘helloooooooooooooo’ so I did not hear him lock the door. This bothers me for one main reason…..he has been known to get distracted and forget to lock the door. He comes down the stairs and the hallway light to the stairs goes on…..the kitchen light well I had left the one on over the stove so it was good for now…..bathroom light……hallway light and his room. Every light blazing. Our conversation is as follows:
Me: Buddy did you lock the door?
Tember: Yes.
Me: Did you turn the lights out?
Tember: What?
Me: Did you turn the lights out?
Tember: Why?
Me: Did you turn the lights out? You turn them on but not off! Have you turned the lights off?
We go back and forth me asking Tember getting more and more annoyed and once I start to giggle…..things got even more annoying.
Me: (for like the thousandth time) Buddy did you turn the lights out?
Tember: Mom seriously that is enough. Enough ok? You are not funny.
Me: Hey buddy did you turn the lights out? You still have not told me. And are you sure that you locked the door?
Tember (sighing exasperated as I am giggling): Mom I locked the door. I will turn the lights out I swear.
Me: I don’t believe you.
Tember: Mom that is enough you are not funny.
He putters around the kitchen putting his lunch containers in the sink. Bathroom and of course the lights are still on. I am laying in bed chortling watching but at same time I am in need of reassurance. I need for him to check to door.
Now….I have at this time gotten out of bed turned all the lights off and crawled back into bed. Why did I not check the door myself you might ask? Turning lights out does not require glasses checking that the door is locked does…..Jay is lazy.
I crawl back into bed and Tember goes into the kitchen to grab a drink. Light in hall goes on. Light in bathroom goes on. Light in kitchen goes on. I am like seriously but at the same time I am going to take advantage of this.
Me: Tember are you sure that you locked the door?
Tember:  Yes mom I am.
Me: Are you sure sure?
Tember (and I hear the frustration) : Mom I locked the door.
Me: Can you just humor your mom? Please? Go and check the door for me.
Tember: grumbles under his breath……it is locked mom…..
Me: giggle giggle snort snort….but did you turn out the lights?
Were I to write over and over how many times I asked Tember if he turned out the lights you would abandon reading this. However whether child or parent you have been at one end or the other of this conversation so go with that……
Maybe it is only me? I don’t know but I thought I was hilarious. Two days after this happened I was still giggling. As I write this I am giggling.
Tember……he did not…..does not…..think that I was/am funny at all.
Okay…..he told me I was not funny.
I have told a few people about this…..and with the exception of one everyone has thought my messing with him is hilarious……now every night before bed the question shall be asked:
Did you turn the lights out?
***I am laughing as I write this. Maybe it is only funny in my head because each time I tell it I am crying laughing by the end. It may not translate as well in my writing as it does in the telling but I hope it does.*****
Jan. 11/20
Picture via Pinterest

Sweet Blessing

Motes of dust
dancing through the air
caught in gleaming sunbeam
laying on the floor
entranced
fingers held light
across tight belly
feeling the dance beneath my skin.
Time once was
I thought this day would never come
for well…..
age
health
wealth
all play a part in being
serene
peaceful
for implantation to take place.
I would look so longingly
at others
with bundles of joy in their arms
my heart breaking
for mine were empty
I did not feel the weight
the scent
the feel of a child asleep.
I have lost one
she bore a hole in my heart
that I strove to ignore
to deny
not her
but the pain that I felt
which no one explained
would be brutal
demoralizing
encompassing with no way out.
Now my miracle is at hand.
Any day now
I will meet
this child of mine…..
who I already love
who I already adore
who is a mystery
wrapped in a rose colored bow
that I cannot wait to snip.
©Nov. 13/19
This poem is based on the fact that I lost my daughter Christina 28 years ago tomorrow. I never thought that I was ever going to have a child of my own when 17 years later I discovered I was pregnant with Tember. To this day he is my miracle and masterpiece and yet I miss Christina every day.
Picture is my own.

Coffee Time

So today was absolutely amazing. I mean yeah we had a little bit of yelling given that my idea of clean and T’s is totally different. He cried. We did it together. Let me back track for you a bit. (Nothing like acting as thought we were all just having coffee and I am picking up in the middle of the story.)

Today was the start of my 5 day holiday. I took today as my day off and tomorrow as a holiday day. I could sleep in. Instead I was awake at 5 a.m.  Yes you saw that right. I laid in bed scrolling Facebook wondering if I should go exercise. Well I was exercising by 5:30 a.m.  Threw a load of laundry in and sat down to read emails and coffee. Put clothes in dryer and discovered that it was broken. The high pitched whining shriek was horrific. Chatted with a friend.  Read emails. Drank coffee.

7:30 a.m. I waken T and force him to come into the living room. I tempted him with a cup of coffee and he curled up on the couch. We talked about his Wonder questions. He is fascinated with WW II so that is what he was researching. Discovered that he writes one long sentence. Like when I say one long sentence what I mean is that I was able to make 10 shorter sentences but was told by T that this was not acceptable if the sentence is not really long it is not a sentence. See what I did there? We brainstormed ideas and yes I admit that I helped him but it was all him and his writing. Which you know mom was doing her best to just let it go…….Finished and submitted 45 minutes before the time I had told his teacher.

Just after 9 a.m. I call the rental agency regarding the shrieking dryer. Arranged to have repair place call me. Off T and me went to the bank. On Sunday we walked to the bank to deposit $25 dollars into my account so that T could make some Fortnite purchases. The atm proceeded to tell us that it could not read one bill and deposited the $20. Did not give us back the $5.00. I am quite unsure why I was asked over and over if I had gotten the $5 back. Um hi over here I am coming in to ask you to investigate this but yes I got my $5 back. Seriously. Also when I called on Monday I talked to a guy did not catch his name and he is the one who told me to come in and start the investigation. I mentioned this and the CS manager asked who and I responded with some guy. Snarkily under her breath she mutters ‘of course’ hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Off we go to gas up the car and wash it. Finally. Told T whatever was left over of the $10 I had to wash car with would be his. Home and now we are all caught up and we will fast forward to the crying and yelling. Yes we both have different ideas (until we began cleaning room but wait……) I mean I told him to pick up all the garbage and he goes ‘I did”. What do you mean you did? I can see no less than 10 pieces of garbage still on the floor. So a bargain is made. I help T clean his room and he will help me clean the rest of the apartment.

Went through T’s closet. Discovered that the vacuum had been clogged and that is why it was not sucking anything up. Unstuck it. Cleaned. Next thing I know he is gone. Walk into the living room and the kid is sitting on the couch foot on his knee sawing away at his toe nail. Does not want to get an ingrown one. Finished cleaning his room which he now loves by the way and we set up the new bed frame. The Ex text to say he was ready to meet us at Wal-Mart to pick up the mattress. Turns out I could have picked up the bed frame and mattress in the car. Mattress was shipped rolled up. Super cool. And mom rocks the win. Not only reasonably priced but I got free shipping!

Now I turn my attention to the rest of the apartment. My helper once more conveniently disappears. Oh well. Oh and I am still waiting for the repair guy. I start in on the bathroom and ask T to watch/listen for the repair man as I was cleaning/rinsing bathtub and could not hear over the water. 3:25 the repair guy shows up. Easy fix a new bearing was required. Told me that for someone who had been in the apartment for 3 years it was super clean. He goes into a lot and apparently I maintain everything well. Awesome. I think?

Finish cleaning the apartment and wash the floors. Decided that while I was still standing would shower so I did. Sat on couch. Am now so exhausted am not sure what I am going to do. Or how I am going to get to bed. I do not think that I can walk.

I started off that this was an amazing day and it was. I spent the day with T. This kid is hilarious. I cannot make up the stuff that comes out of his mouth.

Me: T you know what we have why are you in the fridge again? (this is the 8th time he has opened the fridge door in 5 minutes.)

T: I’m a kid mom that is just the way I roll.

Are you kidding me?

One last one Tism to share.

Driving T to school and there is an elderly gentleman in shorts and a loose button up shirt watering his boulevard. I made a comment about it not being that warm to be out doing this. T asks what he is doing. I explain and yes I was stereotyping that he was probably retired. This is the conversation that followed.

T: Retired? He looked like he was only 20.

Me: Um yeah no he was mid 60’s at least.

T: Wow he must be living the dream huh mom?

Good night folks I will leave it there. T and me will be around all week, heck all year if you like.

****Picture is the bed frame and mattress. I took it. T loves it. He has not moved since I set it up.****

 

Mom’s Embrace

I watched you walk away
A split image
No more than that
A view of…..
The child you were
The boy you are
The teenager you will be
To the man you become.
In that moment
My heart swelled
With love
With motherly pride
And I realized
The fights we have
The life we have
It is one unique to us
One we have crafted
Together.
I may not be a proper mom
I don’t bake
I use curse words
(Not naive…..
You have heard them before)
I drink
But I am your mother
And you make me perfect.
Son
From the day you were born
To the day that I die
(And beyond….
Like that isn’t creepy)
I vowed to love you
I swore to protect you
To always be your touchstone.
I will always be here
Never worry about that
Even in anger
Know that you can always come
And shelter in mom’s embrace.
 
©May 12/19
Meme found on Pinterest

Lessons Learned

This started off as a daily post has turned into a rambling full of everything post. 
 
Today started off well enough. T seemed to be in a great mood until he wasn’t. One of his daily chores is to empty out his school bag. Lunch kit. Not hard chore I am not asking him to scrub between the tiles with a toothbrush. Last night he ‘forgot’ given he had to take out the garbage. Clean the cat litter. Put dishes away. How could I expect him to remember everything?
I make his lunch and put it into a plastic bag. T comes out and says he brought his lunch kit home and I should put his lunch in there. I said no you should have cleaned out your bag last night.
This lead to a couple of tirades which I listened to. T thought he was winning. Than he bombshells well attempts to bombshell shame me (me ha I am shameless) with ‘you know mom people are going to start to think we are poor!’ I took a sip of my coffee peering over the rim at him. ‘T I do not care what people think about us I know our truth.’
T sat there staring at me and could think of no good come back so he just glared at me. Forced him to come into living room with me. Had more ranting and raving. And demanding to know why he had to come out 10 minutes before we had to leave. Which lead to the conversation about his ability to slow down time. 
Seriously this kid has a great super power that I wish I had had. He can control time. Not in the speed it up so work day is over but sloooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwsssssss it all the way down. Told him that he could turn 5 minutes into 15. I was told I had no patience. I am trying not to laugh but this conversation…..
Next I told him hoping he would understand  that he could turn a minute into an hour. He counted to sixty. I said trying to remember it was a metaphor. Apparently I am making up words. Tried to explain and was told he did not want to learn any more new words. Google it. For my knowledge and I was wrong. Still can’t remember what the word is to define the minute/hour analogy? I will google that too.
T is beyond pissed off at me. We get into the car and he is glaring out the window when it hits me. 
‘OMG buddy I am so sorry, I forgot how dramatic it is to be your age!’
T looks over at me. I am grinning like an idiot. T is so not impressed.
‘Text Chichi buddy she will tell you all about my dramatic personality.’
I am dramatic. And Chichi is waiting for his text. 
Driving T to school and I am chattering away. It is math quiz day. T is struggling with math. I am doing the best that I can to help him. New math sucks. The whole write it all out is ridiculous….let me tell you the math I learned which is the same as T is learning but longer and well…….
I told T that all I expected from him was his best. He is still glaring out the window. So I continue to chatter away…..telling him that I know he always gives his best….does his best…..but every so often he just needs a little pinch in the bum to goose him along. LMAO his head whipped around so fast and he was trying so hard but I caught the giggle.
Dropped the boy off at school.
Our week was like this. Back and forth. One day all was good. One day I was evil. 
We head into spring break. 
This week has been glorious. For the first time since December 2018 I am alone all week. Walk around the house naked. Yes I had T and K (his bff) for one night. That is all. M K’s mom and one of my BFF’s has basically had them all week long. Saturday to Tuesday with M. Tuesday night me. Wed through til Fri with the ex. He he he he. Fri to Sunday with M. 
I was given the option to take T and K for an extra night. Oh hell no. No no no. 
T and me are home before the whole week long visit/hang out starts.
‘Hey mom??’
‘Yes???’ he never asks without an ulterior motive.
‘I was thinking. You know if I was an adult and I had my kid as much as you have me, were my ex wife to have extra time off, I would insist that she take them. That is only fair.’
I stammered a little…….but he pashwed me. 
‘Mom I know that you love me……but we need time.’
My boy. He is the light and love of my life. He is also without a doubt a carbon copy of me in the male form. Not sure if I mentioned but T asked me not that long ago if anyone ever said that he and I looked alike. He is physically an amalgamation of his father and myself.  Mom recently mentioned that she noticed T and K (his cousin) had the same smile Someone (I think is was M-K’s mom) said that from the nose down T is me.
He is sassy. He is smart ass. He has some come backs that make me bite my tongue. Do not giggle. To giggle means he wins.
Once upon a time…..I was told that the reason my mom and me butted heads so bad….why me and that idiot brother of mine always were at one another’s throats……we are all too damn similar. 
T and me……he is the male version of me. So much younger. But I can look at him and I can see…..which is why I mock myself….laugh and tease……being a tween/teen is hard enough……never mind having all the adults in your life riding you. So I do my best to let T know…..mistakes happen…..lessons are hard to learn sometimes……let us do the best we can and the rest will fall a-line.  

Math & T.V.

Last night T and me are working on his dreaded math extra work. But it is not so dreaded when it gets down to it. All they have to do is write out the steps to show how they arrive at answer. Same way I learned just longer and time wasting but who am I to argue with the great minds who came up with this ‘new’ math.
However not what this is about.
T did the 2nd question himself and he came slow close. It is when he transfers # over that he is losing something. The pencil he is using has thick lead maybe a finer clicker pencil will help. He did awesome job and even though we forgot some places he felt more confident. He even said ‘mom after this I will bring home more to work on.’ ‘Math?’ ‘Yes math. Hey mom can you teach me to type like you type? I mean I know how to type but it is hard on laptop.’ 
This here is the following reenactment of actual events. Names have not been changed to protect the innocent. No one was harmed in the making of this event. 
I looked over at him a little musically. 
‘Sure. But The keyboard layout is the same as the typewriter I used to teach myself on?’
‘A typewriter?’ T states at me like I have grown two more heads.
‘Um yes a typewriter. I took typing class because it was an easy A elective and as I wanted to be a writer I could not be typing two fingered. So I sat with my book and over the weekend taught myself to type. After that it was fine tuning finger placement.’
I showed him where my fingers were placed. Was told I did not know my finger names. Turns out Pointer Finger is a technical term. Who knew?
‘So mom if you didn’t have computers how did you watch t.v.?’
Well how the hell do I know? I told him there were big round things that bounced signals around.I have no idea what I am talking about so I am making large arm movements to distract him from the jibberish falling from my lips. 
‘And mom if there were no computers how did they make t.v. shows?’
‘They filmed them with a camera. Like today.’
‘But how did it get into your t.v.?’
I could only look at him. I have no idea what to say to him. He hugs me and takes off into his room while I sat there. Bemused and chuckling I am in for the adventure of a lifetime and we are just getting started.
March 7/19