The mighty oak
reaching for sunny skies
always a beacon for the storm.
The gentle willlow
sweeping the ground
as the storm rages on.
I have the strength
the determination of an oak
to withstand pain
to stand tall
facing the storm
as I am pelted with rain and hail.
Twist and turn
that despite my strength
I need to bend
like the willow
to protect myself
to keep safe
that I am holding out to you.
I once was lost
yet now I am found
a strength resides.
Blackness has reigned
upon my self-consciousness.
Death grip strangles
tears fall unchecked
abyss at my toes;
heart in tatters
where do I go?
dreams to be followed.
What I sought
has been found
Independence is mine.
***I wrote this back in April and than put it away after sharing with K & DD. Decided to dust it off and put it here for you to read.***
I lay chained to the bed, hungry, thirsty,
This room is disgusting. The bed I was laying on had not seen clean sheets in about a hundred years. Dust bunnies rolled around the floor with the slightest breeze. I had been left to stew in my own juices. Literally. I had not been allowed to go to the bathroom. The first time that I wet myself, I was humiliated. I had tried to hold it for as long as I could. But the pressure had become too much and I peed.
I heard the door open and turned my head as far as the collar allowed me to. My hair was greasy, lank and fell across my face. It took him ten steps to cross the room from the door. I know because I have counted those steps time and time again. He sat on the edge of the bed causing it to dip. And sighed.
“Shaene why must you defy me? This would be so much easier if you would listen to me. I would put you out of your misery. Rather than you laying here, degraded, less than an animal.”
I was not the hot house flower he took me to be. I knew that if I spoke to him, if I begged him or pleaded with him to let me go, the torture would begin. When I had first awoken, groggy and head throbbing from the drug Darwin had used to sedate me, I had screamed myself hoarse. Darwin had stood over top of me, eyes gleaming as he had drawn the knife across my breast.
The cut had burned like it was on fire. Later I would learn that he coated his blade with kerosene to make it more painful. But that was later. I screamed as lightning flared in my breast bucking on the bed, trying to get away. When the drug cleared my system I realized it was futile. I was chained and collared.
I quickly learned that Darwin needed to hear me scream, to hear me beg. When I did not it dampened his desire to kill. If I did not respond to his slashes and pinches and pricks he would become frustrated. I went away during those times, hiding in the deep recesses of my mind. I am very very good at that.
“Shaene what would make you succumb to me? What is going to make you give me the pleasure that I need?”
Darwin was a handsome man. 6’3” tall. Shaggy blonde hair. Piercing blue eyes that sucked you in. Made you lose yourself in them. His voice was a warm southern drawl that I had melted to when I listened to him speak. Now though it was not so melty making, more like I was getting really annoyed.
“When are you going to feed me? I am getting a little hungry here.” my voice was cold, flat.
“When are you going to beg me to release you?” I heard the frustration in his voice.
“I am not. Do you still have my cell phone?”
“Yes, it is useless though, I turned it off before we got here. No one is going to ride to your rescue.”
“I am not expecting anyone to. I just thought that maybe you could order me dinner from one of my favorite restaurants.”
My head rocked from the force of his blow. I bit my lip, blood flooding my mouth, The collar rubbed against the abrasion that was forming. I bit my lip harder, drawing the blood into my mouth and swallowing it. I breathed once, twice and a third time to still my wildly beating heart.
“I brought you water. No food, water only.”
“You aren’t so sexy any more Darwin, now that I can see the monster behind the mask.”
“Most of my girls have not lasted this long. And Shaene you will break. I will have you screaming and begging for release.”
He held the straw to my lips, and I sucked in as many sips as I could before he stood to walk away. I knew that he stood in the doorway, staring at my body. His desire arose from the designs he wanted to draw on me. With a knife. Dipped in kerosene.
I have been here for three days. Laying in my filth. Smelling my unwashed body and urine. Stale, and greasy with fear. I swallowed it when Darwin was around because it would send him spiraling, Reality was, even though I went away when he began to ply his little tricks, I knew that soon I would give out. And when I did, I would be dead. After he played his games with me.
The windows were covered with plywood. No nosy neighbors who would accidentally look in and see me. I had tried to pull my wrists free from the shackles that held them, to no avail. I could do nothing but lay there. Waiting. And waiting some more.
I could see the room begin to shift shades. From black to a slightly less dark shade of black. Morning was dawning which meant that this was day 4 of captivity for me. I was getting just a little annoyed when I heard the keys scrape into the lock.
The door flew open and I heard a gasp.
“Where the hell have you been? Seriously?”
The fetters were released and I swung my legs over the side of the bed. The room spun dizzily and Matti put her arm around me. She recoiled slightly from the smell of me but as my best friend, she kept her body close to mine in reassurance.
“Where is he?”
“Laid out in the living room. I zapped him with the cattle prod. Twice that should keep him down for a bit. Or at least until we get him in the car. Than the shot.”
“Awesome. Where the hell are my clothes? And is there a working shower in this pit?”
Fifteen minutes later Matti and me were in the car. I was freshly showered shoveling the donuts she had brought me into my mouth. The smell of coffee brought tears to my eyes and I swiftly drank some down. Darwin made a little noise and Matti jabbed him with the sedative. It had taken both of us to maneuver him into the wheelchair and over the ragged grass. Both of us thankful for those classes we had taken at the gym.
*********************************************************************************When Darwin opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was my face. His arms were pulled tight above his head. His legs spread wide and shackled with chains. I was much nicer than he had been, I did not collar him. At least not yet.
As he groggily came to, his eyes widened in surprise and he stared at me dumbfounded.
“Hello Darwin, now it is time for us to play.”