New Year…..New Me…..New Decade….New Everything

I watched the sun rise
faint pink blush
golden pulses fill the sky
hues of purple
sense of serenity
sense of peace
finally here
in my happy place.
I struggled.
I abused myself.
I tried to hide.
I am not that little girl.
I am not that frightened teenager.
I am not that beaten/destroyed woman.
No longer afraid…..
of what life has to offer.
To dream.
To love.
To chase what I want.
To be me…..
Writer.
Mother.
Daughter.
Sister.
There is more to me
than these four facets…..
there is adoration
there is pride
there is determination…..
I leave behind me
a decade/life time
of pain
of anger/rage
of despair
of thoughts no longer there.
I begin this New Year
this New Decade
strong
beautiful
and solely
100 %
Me.
©Dec. 31/19
Picture is my own

Cute I am Not…..

I am not a sweet little kitten.
I am not a marshmallow
with an ooey gooey center
sweet upon the tongue.
I am a warrior.
I fought through hell
to stand on my own
without safety handholds.
I am a dragon.
Breathing fire
vanquishing my enemies
who dare to laugh
to taunt
to derail the truth that I embrace…..
the reality that is mine.
I am a wolf.
Running free
bounding through snow
cavorting with my pack
bold
sleek
fast
I will not be caught
I will not be tamed.
I am wild.
I stand tall
ferocious
protecting myself
warning off those who come near
intent on destruction
poisoned lips whispering dead words
trying to break down
take down
that which is not understood.
I am a goddess.
I am a woman.
I am terrifying.
Seriously……
Stop it…….
Stop laughing……
I so can be ferocious. 
(Pouting & stomping feet)
©Dec. 9/19
Picture via Pinterest

Divine Executioner

Garbed
wimple
penguin robe
head bowed in devote summation
eyes aglitter
rot within
I love this game I play.
I am tired.
tired of the sexism
Tired of the lies.
Tired of the pain.
Tired of it all.
This time
this era
it is one of the harshest I have seen
which morality’s lack
men slack
wrack and ruin at hand.
Desolate
a future no one wants to see
branded upon my mind
my heart
cutting my tongue from my lips
spout not the truth
speak not the validity of time.
Saintly
I am not
moving with delicate grace
gliding behind
dagger in hand
plunging through his back.
Slip away
quiet as a cat
demon’s will done
I have won
once again.

©Nov. 2/19
Picture via Pinterest

Word of the Day Challenge #63-Untitled Poem

***Not indicative of how I am feeling now.***
Indecision
pain settled deep
left to decide on my own
whether or not
I want to go on.
Look at me
Look at her 
(voices whisper in my ear)
Can you see the stain
ripe on my soul?
Black
rotten
making me ache
with pain
with fear
with anger
that no one seems to care.
Locked deep within
taking care to stay
simmer below the line of consciousness
stray thoughts
bubbling to the surface
never mind my tears
as I provide solace to myself.
Claw marks upon my arms
face
neck
I work to destroy the daemon within.
Subtle
words run through my mind
‘destroy
demean
damage’
a never ending cycle of remorse.
My pain
my anguish
my blackened rage
knowledge I now have
these are my weapons
watch out
I am coming to take my life back.
©Sept. 23/19
Picture via Pinterest

Sovereign Executioner

Abused
misused
power corrupts even the innocent. 
Have you seen?
Have you heard?
Bells tolling in the darkness
calling forth a new time.
Fire born of excess
cleansing the earth
scouring it
ridding it of rats
of snakes
all the bad kind.
Stand upon the hill so high
look down upon the masses
stalwart
knowing what needs to be done
yet
that choice is hard to make
bending knee
standing for truth
men have tried to incinerate you
for less.
Roped
hung
swinging in the wind
gasp for air
claw at the noose
figuratively placed there
to keep you bound.
Witch
slattern
harlot 
all do scream
we will take you to the ground
you will be ours to burn.
I finally concur
you were right to be worried
visions do come true
which is why I remain
hidden in the shadows
taking them out
one by one
for my Queen.
©Sept. 22/19
Picture via Pinterest

Mistress Strength

Beseeching
eyes pleading
do not walk away
do not leave me
when you promised to stay.
Hurling harsh words
harmony gone
fled on the wind
with bitter calls.
Thunder roars
lightening crackles
you shall be destroyed.
Gutted
black evil arising
laying on the crossroads
tears falling
hand upraised
while you pull away
walk away
with nary a glance back.
Wrath
crimson bled
searing my senses
vision narrowing
until all I can see is you.
I warned you once
I begged you twice
thrice on bended knee
not to leave me
not to serve me
on a silver platter.
Yet you did.
Laughing
chastising
making me forget my worth
you laid me bare
a silver knife to the face.
Who is laughing now?
Certainly ain’t you
’cause I have you 
hung on the wall
picture perfect
silly regard
you can hurt no one
for I shall stand guard.
©July 27/19
Picture via Pinterest

Brazen Whispers

Audacious
voice whispering in my ear
inside my mind
black
noxious
reminding me
over
time and time again
that no one loves me
no one really cares
that it is a farce.
Pulling the covers up
over my head
keeping the demons at bay
when really
I am paralyzed
with fear
anger
pain
rage
which keeps returning.
Every time that I think
that I truly believe I am free
that I have learned to control
to eliminate the damages done
I have not.
As I sit
tears rolling
slipping
from my eyes
desperate to assess
am I still sane?
Has my depression crept in
through the back door
to erupt
fully conscious
a boiling ebon beast
poised to sting
maul
attack
my sensibilities?
I do my best
always.
I let go of past pain.
Past hurts.
Past injustices.
I embrace my follies
my fallibility
my scars
trace a journey across my skin
etched in
reminding me how I am strong
how I can defeat
how goddamn it all
I can rise again.
I will not allow you to defeat me
wyvern
deep in the shadows
skulking
waiting
watching
for when my defenses are down
to strike.
I am stronger than you.
I am braver than you.
I will triumph.
I will never let you win.
©July 22/19
Picture via Pinterest