Whispered Death

*****Please note this could be a trigger poem. It is about lack of self. Leaving life behind. While I have only once felt like this (when I was 15) it never really leaves your mind. This poem is in no way reflective of how I feel.*****

I stand
waves slashing
sky
pink blood
shed
as day wanes
into night.
Roiling spray
drenched grey
looking outward
seeing only the bad
nary the good.
Voices whisper in my ear
so subtle
driving me a little crazy
telling me wrong
telling me right
telling me so many lies.
One does not know
sibilant
slightly under range of hearing
voice ringing in my ears
failure
wrong
liar
fake
names that go on and on.
Nights on my knees
praying
screaming
absolution please
come my way…..
wish I may
I wish I might
I wish that I could die tonight…..
©July 11/20
Picture is my own.

 

Peer Behind the Curtain

*******Preface this is not how I am feeling at all. I was reading another blog this morning when the words written struck a cord. This poem is a result of that. Describing the time leading up to the Kaboom of 2017*****

Look
how can she know
what it feels like
to be trapped
to be ensnared
in sticky strands
black anguish
struggle for freedom.
Look
not at the cover
what is beneath
scarred
cracked
broken
each piece
a little out of line with each other.
Look
see her smile
her joy in life?
Look
peer through black mimosa
see the child sized woman
wracked with doubts
demons
cackling
dancing around
a wicked game of bully be
from which there is no escape.
Look and see
bottles lined up
alcohol
pills
bitter retreat
dulled numbness
run from the past
from memories brutal and true.
Enough tears
enough pain
enough of everything…..
a bottle later
the voice still screams
shaking
unable to see
crying
do not let anyone come near
do not let anyone hear
leave it be
death maybe the only way out.
Look
found
love within self
truth within self
myself 
in the herself I use to be.
©Jan. 28/20
Picture is my own.